This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hey Airies, Oh no I use exercise as a coping mechanism. I hope you can find something to workout? Bali sounds amazing, a holiday is something to look forward to. I’ve not had that in awhile. I really have to follow a routine and even with that my brain is like…… foot on the accelerator or foot on the brake. Fast and slow. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

is floating calming or stressful.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i need a routine too. I talk fast or very slow.

Everyone I appreciate your kindness and support to me and others. 

[velvetfaerie]

All boring here (with me). Just a whatever attitude today. I've done 4 hard workouts in 5 days. Positive. 

Had a young colleague break down today. She's over it at work too. She's only young. New graduate. Good person. She, like the rest of us are going bonkers with boredom and politics.

I told our boss today "You can't demand the brightest and most capable staff and then bore them into a coma. It is caging highly intelligent animals with zero environmental enrichment." 

One staff member has decided no one else is able to do what we have trained and study to do. She won't allow us to help because we are a threat to her. She doesn't understand team work at all. Also control issues.

I'm glad the winds here have calmed down. What a rough couple of days!!!

[asdff]

Velvet, it has been super windy and freezing cold too. Poor young graduate, it’s unfair that you have to work in toxic conditions.

I am all over the place, moods. Probably hypomanic at the moment but it’s too cold to move. Irritable and frustrated. Frustrated at my life. I wish I could have CBT has anyone had that done? 

[velvetfaerie]

Young graduate, myself and another colleague or 2 have been chatting.

I am very proud that she has been making her own mind up about many of us and not listening to vexatious claims. 

She told us a bit of what she had heard. I said those are absolute lies and I have the proof. 

I have lots of proof. In writing. Printed. 

I could nail them for defamation, collusion, lies, corruption. 

I'm with ya re frustration. Different reasons.

CBT is cognitive behaviour therapy. I'm sure that's the crux of psychology appointments?

[quirkywords]

Velvet

it is good you can talk to other colleagues.

Some psychologists specialize in CBT and maybe counsellors do too.

I never had a phone call from counsellor, meant yesterday but they never rang. Today I am told I need to make a new call.

So i was geared up and then let down yesterday,. Now have to re evaluate if it is worth the effort. Must be a phone call for first time.

asdff yes I can relate to frustration and being stuck.

[asdff]

I got the name wrong ECT. Acronyms and I don’t mix. My brain is broken. A friend of a friend has had ECT and she is great after it. Like stable. I know you lose some short term memory. I have too much memory anyway. I remember things others don’t. Obviously not acronyms!!! 

[velvetfaerie]

I can't sleep so angry. 

I have 1 inch thick of printed evidence to blow the lies and defamation out of the water...... if and when the time comes. 

I have 2 more pieces of paper to obtain and I'll have what I need.

May as well get up early. Not sleeping. 

[Airies]

Adsff, I’ve done CBT, DBT and a few others. All helpful in the end as I wasn’t in the best way a number of years ago. I had ECT, can’t remember the number but it helped. Woke up with a headache, best part was going under. Along with everything it was another thing in your toolbox.Longterm the benefits outweigh the negative as in I’ve gaps in my memory. Another option is TMS which is similar but not as evasive. I guess all discussions at length  to be had with your psychiatrist.

Velvet , what  a work environment.Not the best way to treat staff. Good on you for your workouts. I’m looking outside it’s windy cloudy, slight chance of rain and looking at every excuse not to get on the bike.

I’ve had a headache for days. Are others triggered by the wind? I am and also the rays of sun through the trees as I walk or ride.