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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,676 Replies 10,676

Asdff, you describe it so well. I get irritated at the smallest thing.,in fact I live in a constant state of irritation or hyper awareness.I think it’s difficult for those around us to understand. They have to walk a mile in our shoes. I hope today is a better day for you.

My injections are working well.

Quirky I’ve always been fascinated by acupuncture but can’t due to blood thinning meds.

 

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries I am also in a constant state of potentially being annoyed or impatient.

i constantly tell myself to be calm. 

asdff
Community Member

 Quirky I feel the same way. My family think I am always in a bad mood. They even have my angry face down pat. It’s with my bottom teeth out, well kids don’t give me reasons to be angry; pick up your clothes, bring your plates to the sink etc etc. Today has been a day, my demons are coming out. No new ones just the same old issues, as my psychologist would say “You have themes”. Yes, yes I do. Distractions, humour and more distraction happening over here. Plus gold stars to us for getting through the day.

I've been absent because I got a new phone and passwords are stupid. 😂😂

Blood results still pending, officially. I can see all the results except 1 gene test. It's not there. I suspect it's not being released online yet due to duty of care.  My appointment is next week and that gene result in context with some other values might be interesting and send me in for the mother of all body piercings. Eep.

I'm well though. Just tired all the time. 

I do my best with everything still and allow myself to rest when needed.

I'm going out tonight to a concert with good friends. 

Quirky, I had a friend who had interstitial cystitis!!! It doesn't sound pleasant. 

Airies, you're having those .... type 2 diabetes jabs yeh?

I better get moving. Got heaps to do today.

gia222
Community Member

Hey everyone,


I'm new here. Kazzl, I am one of your fellow elevators! I couldn't agree more with that description, it certainly feels that way. I was diagnosed with bipolar 3 years ago and I wanted to join this forum to connect with others like me because I don't personally know anyone else who is struggling with bipolar. This illness has wreaked havoc in my life for the last 4 years and I have currently been experiencing some fluctuations in mood and don't know how to handle it. What are some of the things other people try to do when your moods are not quite right? 

asdff
Community Member

Gia222, I avoid people where possible. I’m self aware that my moods are plummeting, so I retreat from society. I mask as in put on a “mask” with my moods, pretend everything is fine. I actually find that pretty hard to do if I am very down. I exercise, I try and get adequate sleep, eat regularly and drink lots of water. I wouldn’t wish out condition on anyone, it’s the pits. Please come in here and share with this lovely bunch.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Gia 22 welcome to the forum and this thread full of supportive people.

I have had a diagnosis of bipolar for nearly 50 years.

I find talking to people helps. I also keep a mood diary sonI can see patterns.

i follow the 4 Hs  Health, Humour.Honesty and Hope.

Health physical health is important, 

humour being able to look on the lighter side at times and have fun

honesty with myself and others

hope is important as things will challenge 

please feel free to post here as often as you like. 

gia222
Community Member

Hi asdff,

Right now with this low mood I'm experiencing I really feel like avoiding people at all costs. However, I work in retail and have work tomorrow and don't know how I'm going to get through that. Going to have to put on my best act with fake smiles. I had a work meeting this evening and it was so hard to get through pretending to be okay around other people. I'm struggling financially so missing out on work is not an option. I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone either, it is the absolute worst. I'm glad I have found this lovely thread where I can connect with other people like us! Makes the journey feel a lot less lonely. Tomorrow before work I will exercise and tonight I will make sure I get a good 8 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can manage to get through the day. 

Hi quirkywords,


I'm so glad I found this thread. Thank you for your welcome!
Wow, that is such a long time. And that's true, as much as I feel like withdrawing from society I think it is important to talk to people. I had a meeting with my mental health nurse today and she actually suggested that I keep a mood diary, which is what I will do as of today.

I will remember those 4 H's, they seem very important! This year I started to do more for my physical health by exercising regularly and I must say it has had an overall positive impact on my mental health as well. And even when it might be hard to find humour I will try to see the lighter side whenever possible.

Thanks for the fantastic advice. Hope you are doing well.

I look forward to connecting more with everyone on this thread and learning more from our experiences.

asdff
Community Member

Gia222 exercise has been the number one factor in helping me. As a late teenager, U noticed my father would exercise loads. He has his own mental health illness. 

Do you get sick of being a giver? I’m frustrated with being a giver because so many takers, just take take take. I’m pretty good with boundaries or maybe I’m not as I do get to a point where enough is enough. Then I resentful and angry. Key point it’s to do with families. I’m not in the best headspace right now and feel obligated to help out someone psychically. This task was meant to happen in October but got postponed, I was okay to do it October. Now, I am overwhelmed with do things in my own house and in the lead up to that day beginning with C. Fingers crossed I get through it without shooting my mouth off. 

Have you heard the theory that people who are ultra independent, were letdown in their childhood. So they don’t ask for help, they just figure it out for themselves? This is me to a T. I didn’t have the back up plan of someone saving me. Now all people see is capable person. I’m far from it. I am falling apart and I always have been, it’s only people really close to me that notice when the wheels are falling off the bus.