This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Hi Gia 222, welcome to this nutty bunch. I was diagnosed back in 2015, been through it all, to hell and back really. What helped me? The right meds( I’m stuck with them ), hospital admissions when I was at my lowest and numerous courses as an in patient and outpatient. I’m ok, i find Xmas taxing, anything that over extends me mentally or physically.

V yes the jabs for type 2 diabetes. It’s working a treat. I don’t know how but it’s working.

Also joined a gym really pricey nut you see phsios, excercise scientists and flash equipment.Best part no mirrors or music. Excercise equates to less meds.

[quirkywords]

Gia 

I found a mood diary helpful and I sometime pasted things or drew things. 
Asdff yes I can relate I give a lot at times but I no longer expect others to give as much. 

This is such a supportive place. 

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone. What has everyone been doing in this last week

[asdff]

I’ve been down this week Quirky. The bipolar comes with physical symptoms for me too; headaches, needing the toilet lots and low energy. It doesn’t help that I had two busy days over the weekend. I generally don’t schedule too much as it affects my moods but did it on the weekend. Went to sleep with a headache, woke up with a headache. Hoping tomorrow is a better day. They don’t call it the Silly Season for nothing. How are you Quirky? 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i get gastric problems when stressed. 
since 2nd covid I have felt so fatigued all the time.

[Flint80]

Hi All, 

Apologies, I have posted on here before but I don't keep up with forums etc. So this week I have formally been diagnosed with bipolar 2, not overly surprised. I have told a few important people in my life, however I do struggle. Because I am not going through an episode atm and presenting quite 'normal' I often question the legitimacy of my condition when telling others and it makes me feel fake. My recall of my episodes, even my latest one is never that good. I know logically, I am ill. I know it's real, but I still feel funny admitting that I am mentally at times unwell and find it hard to accept. My last episode I was at work in the morning, there was a trigger, by the evening I had booked a flight and was on the way to the other side of the world, once there I was like ' what am I doing?' stayed for a week were I did nothing but exercise because of heightened adrenaline pumping through my body and mad anxiety, and slept little. After the week I jumped back on a plane and went home where the episode lasted for probably about two months, mainly depression and anxiety. I have a family and not much money, I don't feel this way a normal event, however I STILL question myself. Does anyone else on here also feel the same?

[asdff]

Flint, Have you spoken with a professional about what you do when in an episode? I have Bipolar Type 2 as well. I was able to work, then I wasn’t. Some of your actions sound similar to mine, especially the flying. I would book things when I was single. Now I have a family and it’s costs a fortune to get us all on a plane.

I have had Covid again, it really knocks me around and my mental state suffers. Thankfully I think I am a bit better.

[quirkywords]

Flint80

welc9 e and thanks fir your post. Decades ago I would just get in a bus and gon interstate or buy a ticket on next coach. Iwas single then. I would do impulsive  things when high and when low I could barely make it out the door . 
Have you tried keeping a mood journal I found it helpful for seeing a pattern in my moods.

This is a supportive place. 

[Flint80]

Hi Asdff,  I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 by the psychiatrist I have been seeing, previous to this I was working with a psychologist, who I intend on working with going forward.I went on my own on the plane and left my family behind, no plan. Like I say I was triggered but it was an extreme measure, I booked on the same day and went. I lasted a week then flew back home extremely miserable. Hopefully you make a full recovery both from the COVID and mentally soon 😊

[Flint80]

Thank you quirkywords, like you when I was younger I would jump on busses and go random places when I felt the place I was at was not big enough for me. I am in my 40s and have a family and not much money, however I felt for some reason I needed to go so I did. Whilst there I went through a heap of emotion, mainly depressive. Lots of adrenaline, crying, lack of sleep and not eating too good, and over exercising ( which is a coping mechanism) it was a real mixed bag. When I am high and in the right environment I have made some very poor judgements with money and actions which I have regretted afterwards. In the moment I feel unstoppable. When depressed, ok most times I can mask, I have coping strategies I have self learned over the years, but some days, I won't get out of bed, my energy has gone. My recall when I am feeling balanced is not that good, however the last episode I had I kept a journal for the first time, it's an eye opener when I read it back. Thankyou for your reply 😊