This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

velvetfaerie · ‎01-10-2023

L.Lady, I chuckled at your comment. Both comments.

Airies = Thank you, but, it probably won't save me from a hysterectomy unfortunately.

It will make me fitter, stronger and healthier for when the surgery happens. Most likely early next year.

I have both endometriosis and adenomyosis. A hysterectomy may not help the endo but it will cure the adeno.

Had a very good session at the gym yesterday. Today = not much. Everything hurt ahahhaha !!!

Airies = cycling, as you know, is zero impact. What about a stationary bike?

velvetfaerie · ‎01-10-2023

Also, I am probably the healthiest I've been for decades. Fittest. Strongest. My skin hasn't been as clear as it is since before puberty. Many people have commented. One person said I have a pregnancy glow. Yeh Na that's not possible.

I dont drink alcohol anymore. I just don't enjoy it.

I suspect one other thing that contributed to my better health = ditching the man thing almost 2 years ago.

Airies · ‎02-10-2023

Velvet, great to see you’re in a great space. I thought about gym but it’s challenging as you get older to walk through those doors. I love the buzz of being fit, it’s primal. My issue is post surgery is I have a calf Achilles tendon that won’t fire. Will get there eventually.

Had a spin bike and rower both from gyms and bomb proof .Both sold.I find a stationary bike boring.

You are what you eat and sounds like you’re going really well. You must be pleased.

i gave up caffeine early in the year. I reckon I’d be flying if I had some

velvetfaerie · ‎02-10-2023

Stationary bike is boring. I agree.

Re the calf and achilles = is it a matter of gentle rehab type stuff until it is strong enough to do what it's supposed to?

Caffeine is the one thing that is non negotiable for me. Hahaa.

laundrylady · ‎02-10-2023

The weather is crazy this spring, at the bakery this morning I said that to the young assistant and she said, Yes Totally Bipolar I was taken a back and I managed to say Totally. Then as me and the dog walked home I though that is totally great that 16/17 yr olds are aware of bipolar. Our condition is now mainstream, what do others think!

Airies · ‎03-10-2023

Velvet , you are a lot more disciplined than me. I had a couple of months of rehab post discharge.ive a good friend who is PE trained and a teacher. I’m a great fan of those rehab elastic band things. At least going into Spring, Summer no excuses really but I’m getting tired and bored at the moment which isn’t the best.

How are you coping with daylight savings?

Airies · ‎03-10-2023

Laundry Lady, as much as inroads have been made to understanding and accepting our condition from others I think there’s a stigma attached. For every step forward there will be a celebrity who uses this as an excuse but I agree it’s great when someone recognises us without any judgement.

laundrylady · ‎03-10-2023

Airies I wish I had read your leveling comment before I had the sting of stigma this morning. The people who take blood do not hold a degree and and so are ignorant about MH. Everything was going normal then she read my form and her voice and expression changed, she seemed fearful to have a bipolar coloured woman so close to her self. I held my breath kept kept saying to myself do not let her suffering be my suffering. It was unexpected awfulness.

quirkywords · ‎03-10-2023

Laundry lady that was so sad. People can be ignorant.

In the 197Os there was so much stigma and lack of information.

It is better now but sometimes people can be judgmental and upsetting even if unintentional.

Lisa611 · ‎04-10-2023

Hi all! Just checking in. V you sound like you're in a really good head space. At the moment I'm on school holidays. I've just been doing nothing at home which has been nice. I'm going on a 2 week cruise to New Zealand in December. Airies you sound like you're recovering well.