This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

Iam sorry you have been mistreated and ignored. 
i can relate to not belonging. I felt I belonged with my shop then it was gone. 
Over the years I have seen how compassionate you are to them but how people take advantage of your kind nature. 
we support you here and hope you feel part of this thread.

[velvetfaerie]

I've been super helpful and compassionate towards them, even risking my own backside. Never again.

I'm better this am, but they're not people I wish to help anymore. 

I feel the one who really hurt me last night, humiliated me, had an agenda with our friendship anyway and that's to help her with the legal action she's taken against our employer.

I guess I am no longer available now.

They can have their clique and tear me down. Meh.

We belong here yeh? 

Losing a big part of your life, regardless of what and how, would be an immense thing to process. Well, it is a huge thing to process!

[quirkywords]

Velvet

people who use others then drop them are so unkind.

I wonder because I feel I don’t fit n with partner or family at times that it maybe me who is too sensitive or over emotional.

[velvetfaerie]

I have learnt that maybe trauma plays a part in these things as well.

I tend to be avoidant due to fear of being hurt. 

For good reason haha! 

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I also tend  to be avoidant due to fear of change and being hurt. 

[quirkywords]

When someone close to you, keeps referring to your mental health and shows not understanding of you at all,what do you do?

[velvetfaerie]

I tend to encourage them to educate themselves. There's no excuse with the accessibility to information these days.

If they don't, then I try to appeal to their logic. 

If that doesn't work then I'm very abrupt with them.

[quirkywords]

Thanks velvet,

when people say hurtful ignorant things  I get upset as they are looking for a reaction.

How is everyone…?

[Airies]

Hi folks, I’m doing ok, still on a frame and moon boot but given the ok to gradually discard the two .,Easier said then done. Felt proppy and not to flash when walking with frame and boot free.

I’ve a relative visiting the state and we normally have a catch-up at a venue on the other side of town serving traditional food at not to cheap prices. Once upon a time I would have stewed about going or not going, most likely going out of a feeling of having to. I said to my sister, “,I’ve no interest of going there” If they want to come to my place for a coffee cake that’s ok and if they don’t “ that’s ok as well. I think you get to a point of you don’t care 

[quirkywords]

Aries 

I wish I could say I don’t care. I do what others want and it involves lots of travel for me, 

I hope you are not in much pain.