This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

It also seems the extra money the government has put into MH has been eaten up already too. They all raised their fees!!! 

Anyway, I wanted to share something I found amusing with folks who may understand the reference.

I saw a real estate sign this as. The agents surname is Bulpitt. I kid you not!!!! 

[Airies]

Everything is going up. My old GP would never charge and bulk bill. I’m not so fortunate since he retired. What price do we put on our health?  Quirky I’ve had lots of counselling over the years and every now and then the penny drops with a phrase, memory, coping mechanisms and so on.

you might find it helpful. Often the first step is the hardest but you know I looked forward to my sessions either one on one or group.

If it hadn’t been for my counselor suggesting that I might be a candidate for a disability pension for me to be in the place I’m now in.

We have all been so much and some more then others.

[velvetfaerie]

I was thinking that Airies. The cost of living is going to cause a recession. What goes up will indeed come crashing down. I am noticing homes being listed for sale in my area. 

I'm currently pondering cancelling my psychologist. I simply cannot justify it. 

I may just move it for a later date. 

So billions of dollars was dumped into MH for 2022-2023 in my state. So far I've seen NO extra services, but plenty of charges go up significantly. That's disgusting in my opinion. 

The lady I've been speaking to in our safety and wellbeing team at work just says "you need to continue seeing rhe psychologist." How lovely it must be to be able to presume its affordability for me? I have 1 income in my home and it is a BELOW average income currently. I get no overtime as the highly paid managers book it all for themselves! 

How wonderful it must be to not have to chose between basic needs some weeks. 

[quirkywords]

Aries, 

I am glad counselling helped you. The first appointment is a phone call then they decide what counselling one needs or other services. Thanks for your advice.

 Velvet I think the division between Thames and the have nots is widening. 
i think the cost for mental health services can be prohibitive if you aren’t on a pension. 

[Airies]

Quirky,  I do hope 

[Airies]

Quirky I hope they set you down the right path and listen to you if you choose to make that initial call. Like I said the first baby steps are often the hardest.They are for want of a better phrase the Subject matter expert’s and deal with this stuff day in and day out. 

[velvetfaerie]

I'm glad you have taken those initial steps Quirky. It is indeed daunting. I am still daunted and the journey is well underway for me. 

I delayed my appointment for a month. 

I absolutely have no drama paying for professional services, but, when you look at incoming vs outgoing and have to sacrifice things then, it has to be done. 

It's cold and wet today. Booked day off work. Bored. **humph**

[quirkywords]

Thanks velvet and Aries for your encouraging words 

[asdff]

Hi, I’m here just floating along. 

[Airies]

Hello Asdff, 

hope you are doing ok? I’m doing these really boring exercises for my foot. Rather repetitive. Lack of excercise  equates to more nervous energy and snacking. Counting down weeks to Bali. Trying to avoid Covid and all the other bugs that are about. Blowing a gale here and the weathers not overly flash for a few days. Hope you are all ok

cheers