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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,950 Replies 9,950

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries and Velvet I have observed that some celebrities never reveal they have a mental illness until they have either broken a law or acted in a socially inappropriate way.

I have always taken responsibility for my behaviour .

Quirky, Airies and Velvet, I love it how the media/celebrity/ big business person uses the diagnosis as a one type fits all. Like they have that (insert diagnosis) they behave like that. Oh no we don’t we might do some of the same things but we still have personalities and some, I say that lightly some sort of control. I say some sort of control as my GP annoyed me slightly today. I went to get scripts as you, when you are trying to manage an illness. GP says how are you managing? Me well last week I was crying. Then proceeds to tell that BP have poor impulse control when manic/ hypermanic. Yes, I agree with that statement BUT and it’s a big but. I haven’t committed any crimes lately. I haven’t drunk alcohol or taken illegal drugs. I do want to drink sometimes but I don’t. Yes, I will bake 30-40 muffins at a time. I will hang the washing out when it might rain. I won’t run out in front of a car. There are somethings we can control, even with our different brains.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

before I took medication I did a lot of risk taking behaviour which mainly involved destroying my reputation, losing friends, and very socially inappropriate,

Oh yes Quirky, I’ve moved states on a whim. I’ve said some things that I think why did I say that? I am aware that some BP people buy things and then struggle to pay for them. I’ve got lots of costume jewellery here that I think why did I buy that? I guess as per usual I was sensitive to something someone said and I’m reading into it too much.

Yet one of the neurotransmitters involved in both adhd and bp is dopamine.

When it's elevated you get mania In bipolar. This is why adhd meds put bipolar people into mania.

Adhd is a dopamine deficit. Dopamine is implicated in addictions. People do things for a hit, like smoke, cause fights, use drugs, have sex, eat CARBS!!! YUM!!!

I'm waffling. Been a very long hectic day on many levels including psych app.

The similarities are there. Hence I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder yet I've never had it. I've always had adhd. Airies was the other way around. Diagnosed adhd yet... has bipolar.

I wonder if I have adhd as well as bipolar but may I am to old to worry about a diagnosis as I have lived with the one label for so long.

Would it help me now .?

Labels are not medical diagnoses.

Then we get varying degrees of our labels. Sometimes like today I have so much brain chatter and that leads to me say stuff that later I think what the? That is inappropriate, I know that is inappropriate. Not enough to get kicked out of a pub or the like. More like embarrassing for myself. There is that lack of impulse the GP was talking about. Other days I’m fine, you can take me out to play with regular folks.

Airies
Community Member

Also annoyance because I’m in my own little world and say something to my better half without realising that cutting remark hurts. I apologised but there was no need to blurt it out. With an upcoming function to attend what’s funny to me will not be funny to others. There’s not many regular folk I play with.

asdff
Community Member
Oh my goodness my brain is in overdrive. I wish it would slow down. It’s exhausting.