This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

I’ve had an ex blame my mental health issue on some of the relationship problems. Not all of them. I’m glad we broke up. At the time I was devastated. Quirky, are you choosing the same sort of person? Like their qualities, values are the same? Have you tried couples counselling? Not that I have. Maybe I watch too much TV.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

thanks for your reply I have tried counselling with partner one.

my present partner thinks I am tbe problems as he is always right so why would he need to go to counselling.

I think and I have probably mentioned this before I tend to rush into the relationships and I put up with people who have Flaws because I think that's what I deserve.

I can be challenging at times but when one has a label in my experience people just take no responsibility and blame everything on you.

I'm sure not all people are like that.

[asdff]

Quirky, I am challenging at times too. I think this disease contributes to that. I had my counselling session yesterday. I was and still have really down. Psychologist thinks there is something chemical going on. The problems that I listed and spoke through, I might be able to handle. I don’t want another medication review. Can’t this disorder be easier to manage? Why do we struggle so much? Why is there not a one size fits all approach? Like if you have a broken arm? What do we do? We put it in cast. This Bipolar is up, down, round and round. With twist and turns. We wake up not knowing how we are going to feel. It’s scary. It’s exhausting. It’s infuriating.

[Airies]

Asdff, we are two peas from the same pod. I am challenging. I don’t know how my wife keeps up with me, I barely can.I am erratic and so many other things. I’ve just had ECG , bloods taken and a wee test . Drs checking everything. It will come back with nothing.

[velvetfaerie]

I have kicked off at work about inequity and stuff.

Long story. Union is in next week for another thing.

I'm just over this place and self serving managers.

Oh yes we can't have your kids going without soft drinks!! Meanwhile some of us are choosing between fuel and food some weeks and you're refusing to pay fair overtime.

Yeh Na. No.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I think it's easy for people to blame relationship issues on the person who has mental health issues. They become the scapegoat. It's also a good excuse for not having to look at your own behaviour. I think if someone's putting all the blame on one person it says alot about them. We are worthy and deserving of positive healthy relationships. Hugs to all 🤗

[quirkywords]

I think people who know they are challenging have an insight and probably are aware enough to modify their behaviour. People who think they are low maintenance rarely are.

velvet, glad you are looking after the unfair things at your work.

leisa thanks for your kind words.

Asdff and Aries glad you have found Understanding partner, I never have and doubt I will.

[velvetfaerie]

Blame and mental health..... I'd get blamed regardless I think. And yes my condition has been used against me many times, personally and professionally.

Yet in a professional sense others can use life choices to lever special treatment. Definitely in my workplace.

Yay Friday. Woo.

[velvetfaerie]

So my workplace friends... who I've supported and things through their horrible times at work.. have excluded me from every after work drinks for years. The last 3 years when short staffed I've destroyed myself helping and yet I'm never invited. I asked twice and it was dodged.

I've been crying for 1.5hrs. These people I've worked with for 15 years and I thought were my bonafide friends. They've been to milestone birthdays of mine.

I cannot convey how hurt I am.

People have been absolutely rubbish to me.

Side note one of these people is the one who tried the something silly due to WORKPLACE BULLYING!!!

[quirkywords]

Velvet
I am so sorry at how you have been treated by work colleagues.

I am sorry you have been crying.