This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Positive slant; I've learnt that a fair few people in my life aren't who they pretend to be. Many project and lie and take advantage of me.

I've a handful that don't and they rock.

I need a sleep. I need not trust people.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...beautiful sunny day where I am today. Am sitting outside a coffee shop in the sun.

Velvet you sound very similar to me in that people take advantage of you. You are also sensitive. I'm probably over sensitive. This week we went out for my partner's son's birthday during dinner my partner accidentally called me his ex wife's name. I was embarrassed and hurt. I didn't say anything until we got home. My partner apologised and even though I know it wasn't intentional the damage has been done. We've been together for 6yrs. It's the first time he's done it but it was in front of his family. It might not bother some people but it has really upset me.

Youngest daughter flies to Europe in 3 weeks. She'll be gone for 5 weeks. I have to keep telling myself she's an adult and that she'll be fine. This is the one that has mental health issues. I have to trust that she'll make good choices.

[asdff]

Lisa, I have been on the other end of the wrong name calling mix up. Mine was worse. I did it in bed. That relationship didn’t last and he told me that was one of the reasons. Oh dear. He also said I was liking to have post natal depression as I had depression. Guess what? I didn’t have post natal depression. I was pretty good after having my kids. Back on track. I hope you can forgive your partner, it may have been a habit. As for being sensitive, I am over sensitive too. Overthinking. I take offence at things others let go off.

Velvet, I don’t like people taking advantage of others. We see you for you; hardworking, honest, in love with animals.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Lisa, I'm super sensitive. A friend of mine who's an online friend, I discovered how sensitive he is today. He thought I blocked him when I merely deactivated to have a think and not do dumb stuff regarding yesterday's hurtful events. We are very alike. He's a gem.

Oh wow and after 6yrs together? I'd be pretty hurt too. Sensitive.

I decided that my so called work friends aren't friends. I'd rather have a beer with friends. Guess that's not them. 🙂 oh well!!!

Awkward asdff. Movie scene stuff!!! I've had some awkward stuff in a similar position, like, the bedroom almost catching on fire and I don't mean metaphorically!!!

I appreciate my good mates more now. The ones who've called me Awkward hahaha. I really am. The ones who are transparent. The ones who never give a reason to question their intentions.

Happy weekend!!! I want to garden. I'm trying to do some bits but the weather is gloomy.

[quirkywords]

People often say I am way too sensitive but I think they are not sensitive enough.
Let’s be proud we are sensitive because we feel for others and can understand and support.

[velvetfaerie]

Sensitive, when applied well, is a gift.

I question if I'm being over sensitive with some peoples treatment of me or I'm finally seeing them for who they are. Maybe both?

I have to admit I didn't sleep well last night because I think I have a crush on someone AHAHH.... **inner freakout**

[quirkywords]

I stay awake while I overthink my relationship.

Do others find people will give advice even you don’t ask for it.

Today was supposed to be a rest day for me but hard to rest when partner is busy so I look and feel lazy. I know I am neither but…

I am messy and disorganised so don’t need to be constantly reminded. I used tell others I had an untidy gene but still waiting for scientists to back me up.

How is everyone going. .?

[asdff]

I’m back at the stage of bat sh$t crazy. Flitting here there and everywhere. Plus I have to put on my figurative mask today to socialise (groan). I don’t feel up to it but have to adult. My husband doesn’t get it. His brain is “normal”, he doesn’t get ups and downs. It’s plain sailing for him.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I know people who don’t think about anything and never worry..

They don’t understand me and I don’t get them.

Hope the socialising went well.

[asdff]

Oh Quirky that sounds like a dream. How do we become like them? Socialising was better than I expected. Girl teen was painful. I wish she could have stayed at home.