This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...when I think of other people who are struggling I realise how fortunate I am. I think if you have a roof over your head, a warm bed and food in your tummy then you are lucky. When I think of homeless people especially in winter I feel blessed. I also realise how lucky I am to see my psych regularly.

Quirky I also eat more in winter. I've also put on weight from not smoking. It's been 6 months since I've had a smoke. My mental health has been much better. Saw my psych today. He said I'm doing well. He upped my antidepressant last time. I feel better. Athletics carnival tomorrow. It will be a long day. Hope everyone is ok 🙂

[quirkywords]

Lisa ,

I never went to an athletic or swimming carnival in high school. I was so hopeless at sport and felt humiliated during sport and gym lessons. I did spend the time doing homework .

[asdff]

Quirky, in response to your question re: living a different life. Yes, absolutely. Over the past ten years I am slowly coming to peace with not being a working Mum. I thought I would be capable of being a working Mum. Alas, I am not. Some days I am only capable of getting through the day. My Mum has helped me see that I do work, I just do lots of unpaid work. I have a teen daughter that finds it odd that I spent time and energy getting a degree and I don’t use it. Oh well.

[asdff]

Velvet, are you feeling a tiny bit better? I am glad your Mum came and took you food shopping.

Airies, Lisa, Leisa how are you all?

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am glad you realise you a lot of unpaid work. I do too, because I feel now undervalued by some as I do voluntary work.
I thought I would work in my shop to my large 80s. Now I wouldn’t be able to work for someone else.

Your family is very fortunate to have you. Education is never wasted.

[Airies]

Lisa, that’s fantastic that you’ve kicked the nicotine habit. I’ve read that the weight issue sorts itself out after a few years.Sounds like you’re in a good space which is nice.

Asdff, thanks for asking. Just had another tumble on the bike. Rather embarrassing really the number of falls I’ve had. Guess it’s a cycle thing . Rather sore . Make a healthy muesli slice as a protein pickup during a longish ride.

Have a family function at a pub. Not my thing but will make an appearance for my nieces sake.

Hope everyone’s doing ok.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

i am over the cold weather. I wear six layers and still I am cold.

[asdff]

Airies,did you run into something? Or just fall off the bike?
I was triggered twice today. One was related to schooling. I find the lack of homework my children complete concerning. My eldest child would make an excellent Debate Team Captain. This child will put in the stops to complete things, like a stubborn puppy. No amount of coaxing, Rewarding, telling can get this child to do the tasks required. She will do it when she is ready. She is young enough to be able to do this. We are trying to install good study habits. The other child is more anxious and like me, stressing about schooling. Again like me. I am on the way down. I can recognise it. The other trigger I know what it is. I can explain why I am triggered but if I talk about it here. It will identify me. I will keep it in, until I see the psychologist on Wednesday.

[velvetfaerie]

All ok here. Tired. Been a huge week. Just relaxing this evening. Had some wins. Car fixed and they didn't even charge me. My friend rescued me from the cold and wet when she picked me up from the train station. Her sister bought me a beautiful candle. She's delightful and has a sassy sentence on it.

A friend and mum have told me, (and I've felt it myself), I'm a lot more calmer & I look brighter and healthier, even though I'm tired from doing so much and the stressful things this week.

Why? Because I'm healing from 5 years of abuse. That is so much harder to live with than a spate of annoying bad luck!!!

[velvetfaerie]

Oh no Airies I hope you are OK? If you've had a couple of tumbles unexpectedly, that's a worry.