This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Airies, good on you for attending music lessons. I’ve heard learning an instrument is good for the brain.

Leisa, I don’t know where to start. My psychologist session next week is going to have it all bubbling out from me. It’s the thing with mobile phone, we are contactable all of the time. I thought of turning it off today but only had one call. Which lead to more things for me to do.

Velvt, I missed the post about your spider bite. Are you okay now?

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I hear your words. I am so over being a people pleaser.

what if you say no, I won’t be doing that. I find it hard but I have people complaining to me that I am favouring the other one. so tiring so over it.

Hope it works out for you Asdff.

[white knight]

Hi all,

I'm also a people pleaser. I'm wondering if that's a trait of bipolar? Comments welcome.

In fact our experiences and strategies of bipolar disorder is what this thread was created for.

TonyWK

[Lisa611]

Leisa well done!

I'm also a people pleaser.

[velvetfaerie]

People pleasing - trait of low self esteem and conditioning. Low self esteem and conditioning by mistreatment and bullying. That's my belief anyway.

I'm OK yes. Last of my symptoms were Wednesday. Nasty bitey arachnid!!!

I'm just ticking along. Work is bad to worse to ...... impossible. This is where my people pleasing would be taken advantage of. Well no more. We are facing the impossible and our employer is not listening.

Example - one employee who's a very hard worker is working weekends for free as she can't get things done in the work week. Her manager is rarely here, (fulltime but maybe does 2 or 3 days a week as always on leave due to whatever), and books the paid overtime for herself.

I'm moving or cancelling leave to help with staff levels. I asked to move my leave to coincide with building painting so I'm not here. It makes me sick as.

The answer was no, as no staff.

Ok. So I booked Dr appointment for cert. If the parents can come and go as they please, and I'm asking for a simple trade off for 3 days so I'm not here breathing stuff that destroys me, get told no, I'm not tolerating such blatant discrimination.

I said yesterday some equity would be nice!!!

Peh!!!

[asdff]

Velvet, I agree with your thoughts on why we people please. I do suffer low self esteem and the conditioning only came from one family member. I can stand up for myself in other situations. Enter that family member and I’m back to being six years old. Trying to not upset him. As for workplace stick it to them.

[quirkywords]

V glad you are ok. Work should treat everyone fairly.
i am glad you stand up for yourself,

I never knew people pleasing was a bad thing until someon3 to,d me.
zI thought it was a good thing , the right thing to do. I 5hought it showed empathy and compassion for others.

[velvetfaerie]

People pleasing, (compassion and empathy in a way), is sought out by people who wish to extort you.

In my experience. Not everyone, just those that are pathological.

[velvetfaerie]

Recent relevant experience was a person I know, not even a friend, contacted me as we were both going to the same party. She laid it on thick saying oh we never talk or catch up blah blah. I consider you a friend blah blah. We should catch up more. Wanted me to be her taxi so she could drink. Ok. Fine.

Haven't spoken since and that was 4 months ago.

Needless to say she's deleted from my life now along with her clique.

People who merely like you for personal gain really annoy me.

[asdff]

The emotional abuser has been at it again…. Gosh he frustrates me beyond words. I spent time with him and his new wife when I was child. A whole school term. He is saying it was family court ordered, my Mum says he insisted on having us. So she relented. He always disparages my Mum. It’s to suit his narrative. I really want to stand up to him but my husband says wait till he feels better. Dad now has covid. I was traumatised by being taken away from my Mum, my friends, my home. To a place I didn’t know. With a man and his wife, I barely knew.