This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Lisa, I hope your next surgery goes well.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

thinking of you.

Aries I often lose a post and it is always a good one and I am a slow typist and and as you all know am queen of typos!

Velvet glad the group is helping . I am pleased your submission will be used.

I didn’t realise this was a long eeekend for Anzac Day as well. It is in my state.

Asdff and Leisa does school go back next week, I know it differed from state to state.

[Leisa68]

Hi Quirky,

School up here went back last week. My son was actually looking forward to getting back! That's not supposed to happen! He has got his school disco next week it's all 80's music, so color him impressed (not). There is something called the "neon pack" which you can buy for them so they get these neon sticks which they wrap around themselves but my son is not interested, reckons they suck. So that's there. There is a ladies' long lunch also in two weeks for the school, which I plan to attend. I plan on catching up with a couple of mums there, but I also want to see who crawls under the table first. Oh and there's food too.

Today I am playing catch up with my assignment (due on Monday at 11.59) and I am only halfway through. However, I am on a roll and reckon I can nail it. I am chatting away to my budgie (he lives in my study) whilst I am racing through, he is puffed up so he is alright.

Fingers crossed for you Lisa, I hope things turn out well.

Leisa

[Lisa611]

Am feeling much better! The pain in my leg seems to have gone. I can walk to the end of the corridor without pain. I go home tomorrow. Was so worried after the first surgery...when things go wrong are you optimistic or a fatalist?

[quirkywords]

Lisa

interesting question.
Before things go wrong I expect the worst but hope for the best,

After things go wrong I expect the worst so I am not disappointed while still having hope things will improve.

When a few things go wrong in a row I assume more bad things will happen.

After fires then covid, then a couple of people I knew died I wondered what else would go wrong. So am I a pessimist or a realist. ..???

[asdff]

I’m like you Quirky. I’m not sure if I am a pessimist or realist. I think for me, more realist. Most times I don’t sugar coat things. If I am run down or stressed I am going to tell you how it is. At the moment I’ve been rather direct. Dad is coming this week. My husband is asking all of the plans for when they are here. The fact is I don’t know. There have been emails flying back and forth between other family members, trying to get plans set in concrete. There aren’t any real plans. Apart from when all of the kids are playing sport and adults are working. I saw my psychologist the other day. She wanted me to have some mementos to remind me that I can’t bring all of the past hurt and pain to the table. I’ve got one such thing to wear but boy oh boy. Leaving all of the years of hurt and anguish. That’s more than a few suitcases worth of pain. Not even my husband understands it. His parents are lovely. They don’t judge or criticise. I’ve had decades of it. How am I meant to look at someone for what they are today and not feel hurt and repressed memories? So there you have it. Years of therapy and still not able to let go. It’s going to be two weeks of something we’ll and truly out of my control.

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

Oh boy, asdff. I will be thinking of you over the next two weeks. My parents weren't a delight to live with either and there is a lot that I have bottled up over the years. My mother just puts her hands over her ears and yells if anything is bought up and my father says the most vicious things. So it's just not worth the blood and tears. But they have got away with a hell of a lot. It's (as I know you will agree) very hard on your mind. I feel like I am the guilty one!

I am a bit of a realist really but can tend to be over negative on some things. I have a very important hospital appointment on Tuesday in regards to my foot which has rolled over, and really hard to walk on, whether they can do anything or not. I'm already thinking in the negative (like father like daughter) and someone pointed that out to me. However, I won't be surprised if the opinion falls in the negative, and won't be crying either! Well, we will see. I think that having both a realist and hopeful opinion would be great, but these days who has that?

Hope you all have a good day tomorrow. Anzac Day! Is anyone waking up early?

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Asdff

They say the past is the past but it does affect the present.
I suppose you have to work out how you will cope during the visit.
can you practice self care .Take care

[Airies]

Hello all, I don’t know whether I’m a pessimist or a realist. My mother god bless her was overprotective of me and as such I was a fragile child, slow to walk, write, develop the list goes on.

Leisa , fingers crossed that things improve medically. You’ve been through a lot and then some. We all have to varying degrees. My wife suggested I revisit my psych. Over time I’ve developed a stutter when trying to get words out. Not everyday but often enough to be annoying. I stayed up late watching YouTube videos over a couple of nights. Guess who went to bed at 6:30 last night and woke up 14 hours later. Was cold, tired and only had the dog for company. Bed was the best option.

[quirkywords]

Aries

I was opposite to you as a child as I peaked at 12 and then rest has been slow.

i don’t stutter but some words give me trouble and I can take a while to get the word out.