This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Lisa, what a blow. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope the nurses and doctors are treating you well. That can go some way to not spiral into the abyss. Hang in there I hope the next surgery goes well. Easy for me to say, but I really wish things go well.

I went to the art gallery today. It is an artist who has joined my women's group and she owns that gallery and lives there. Wouldn't that be nice? She does amazing paintings of houses, still life paintings, pottery, etc. I would love a talent like that. Then we went to lunch, and I had cauliflower tacos, which sound awful, but actually turned out quite lovely. I guess you could put anything in a taco! We had a long table out the back of the cafe, under the trees and much fun was had by all. The next outing is the Spanish Film Festival, followed by tapas in the cafe next door. Definitely going to that one! No spiraling today, no hints of spiraling. I have had a lovely day (so far). Wishing well to all.

Leisa

[Airies]

Leisa 68, that’s a very positive way of looking at it. I prematurely retired at 54. I constantly see photos on google memories when overseas, holidaying before I fell apart. Fast forward 5 years and there’s life after early retirement. My wife will retire later on in the year and as she prepares for it I hope she can fill the void that work provides. Life goes on we move forward and we have well and truly paid our dues. I haven’t been to an art gallery or a museum since the kids were little.Glad you are having a lovely day. I do love your narrative.

[Airies]

Lisa, I hope they get it right this time. The nurses and doctors do an amazing job . I had a CT scan on my foot.Don’t fall of a bike .I’ve been super clumsy of late. I love Autumn , today was lovely but a cold snap for a number of days didn’t help. I’ve been getting some veggie boxes prepared today.
I like to grow my own produce.I’ve a couple of beds almost set to go and a couple more will be sown with a green crop in readiness for Summer.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I am sorry no one wanted to find out why you were in pain.
i hope there is support in hospital for your physical and mental pain.
We are thinking of you and sending support.

[velvetfaerie]

Oh man I lost my post!!!

Lisa - I hope you get this sorted soon. Is it a surgical error or something they missed?

I finally slept. Feel better but still exhausted. Kinda feel like I'm getting germs. Heh.

Group session number 2 was good. I didn't say much but I listened and helped. I really don't know where to start.

I found out my submission to the justice department is going to be used in the report to parliament. It wasn't an auto generated email it was very personalised.

Still in shock. Lol.

[Airies]

Velvet, good on you. I always operated on the premise that the pen was mightier then the sword.I’ve missed something and don’t mean to pry re the group sessions. I often loose a post and it takes ages for me to type.

[Airies]

Lisa, good on you for not smoking. I’ve still not chewed my nails. Had fun trying to cut them. I’m looking forward to ukulele lessons next month, engage my mind and I do hope to play a song or two.I received a novelty book as a birthday present from one of my sons. 225 Airfryer recipes. He knows I love my air fryer and it was a fun gift. It will make a nice coffee table book. I might try a recipe. I’ve done the odd chicken but now it gets used for pies and chips when my other son visits

Lisa I hope the surgery goes well and you can live pain free. I sometimes say the wrong thing when I type and hope I don’t offend anyone..

[velvetfaerie]

If I can help others with my experiences it's worth while.

Group sessions are for narcissistic abuse victims.

[Airies]

I’m all group therapy and individual theraphied out. But somehow through it all I survived. Some it has gelled and onto the next chapter. If I can help others, be a better parent, husband I will do whatever it takes.Being on this forum helps too

[Lisa611]

Thank you to everyone for your encouragement. Am sitting up in my hospital bed watching TV. I won't know if the surgery worked until I get up to walk. Hope everyone is ok.