This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I would like to know more about the group therapy online . I think talking to others who suffered in the fires may.. I assume one needs to join a group.

You are kind and perceptive .

[velvetfaerie]

I was thinking it may be of interest to you for that reason.

Worth a go.

I joined meetup to find opportunities to go out, be social and make friends. I've pretty much withdrawn for 4 months.

I discovered there are support groups on there for many things people have gone through.

I hope you can find a place. 🙂

[quirkywords]

Thanks Velvet.

I assume the groups are on Facebook. I will have a look.

[velvetfaerie]

Facebook might be a good one actually. I found mine on Meetup.

[Leisa68]

Groups are great. Particularly if they are like-minded with your interests. I go to one and sometimes it keeps me pretty busy and I have lots of fun when we meet. They also spread out in circles like the theatre circle, the weekend circle, the cinema circle, etc... Because I cannot work at the moment I am also thinking of volunteering (just like you quirky) altruism helps a lot with my mood.

Easter was okay, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law came for lunch. My mother-in-law was fine but my brother-in-law sat at the dining table and refused to eat or talk for the whole time. Any question was ignored and he did not wish my partner a happy birthday. Very awkward and rude. I was quite annoyed. What a total tool. We had rissoles for lunch, roast veggies, and trifles for dessert. At least the food was good! How did everyone else go?

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa, will you fit in volunteering with your studies..?
I was never that organised.

V

I have never heard of meetup .Is it like Facebook.

[Leisa68]

Hi, quirky,

I hope it won't affect my studies. I will go somewhere close to home and do short hours. I will try anyway!

[Leisa68]

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all well. I have spent most of today putting together a PowerPoint presentation about swallowing difficulties (not a pretty picture). I also went out with my mother-in-law for her birthday lunch (She's 88) and we all managed to have a good time. It's amazing you know, all I ordered was fish and chips and ended up getting Jaws and a Potato Field on a plate, the way they fill up plates full of food nowadays astonishes me. Luckily I have my own personal hoover (better half) and he helps me out. Tomorrow I am out again to another art gallery in the inner city and more lunch (life of Riley's-mine). The restaurant is called Sassafras, so I looked up the menu online, and thank god I did, I'll have to go to the bank prior and take out another mortgage just to get the avocado toast at this restaurant. There are a lot of spices used at this place, some of which I have never heard of. I'll let you know how I go.

My mood has been a little up and down today, I've been caught spiraling a couple of times, just a little. I guess that means that the bipolar is always there. Just lurking. I am doing my best though (as we all are). I saw my psych yesterday and he feels that I cannot work again. That has cut a little bit, virtually retired at 53. But I will take it as it comes, try not to focus too much on it. I hate that question though you get "What do you do?". I wish the ground would swallow me up. Maybe I should use my study as my new role.

[quirkywords]

Leisa

I don’t eat out much but I Am home or out, a plate filled to the brim puts me off.

I find I notice mood swings when I am stressed but I am fortunate they are intense quick swings I call microwave moments, I wonder if anyone experiences short intense moments of emotional pain.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...well as you know I had my back surgery last Tuesday. When I woke up from the operation I thought it odd that I had pain in my leg. It was worse than before the op. Everyone was telling me the pain I was in was post operative pain. I rang the doctor on Thursday and spoke to a nurse. She told me not to panic. I tolerated the pain over Easter then I rang the doctor on Tuesday. This time I spoke to him. I'm back in hospital. I had to have an MRI. There is a disc Fragment. He is operating again on Friday. I'm trying hard to stay positive. Am not smoking which is a plus. Trying hard not to spiral into the abyss.