This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Leisa, will probably persevere. My wife balked at the suggestion of buying a bike more suited for paths.Anyway we shall see. You gotta love 11 year olds.Though they are probably a lot more switched on then I was at that age.I really feel for them with Covid, social media and all the other crap going on in the world.

Quirky, ,a big no for me. I hate changes or suprises and even when settled I’m unsettled if that makes sense. I was going to ride but it’s pretty windy. I’m not a fan of the wind at all.

V , great to hear from you.I too enjoy your updates and your ability to put your special spin on things.Your appreciated here. I enjoy everyone’s posts, it’s a safe place where we can protect one another.

One day rolls into the next same, same, same. It’s the only way I survive.I’m having a crack at the Ukelele every second day and getting somewhere. Watch out Tiny Tim.one positive is its helping me stop biting my nails after a lifetime of doing so..Early days,

hope everyone’s ok

[white knight]

Hi Airies

I'm told I'm "stuck in my ways". The older I get the more regulated my day becomes. Yet when I was in my 30's (66 now), I'd criticise workmates that were early 60's for being so. Why is this?

Structure and routine is our security blanket. The lingering "unsettled" feeling is that insecurity in small doses that some of us humans have regardless of how settled we are.

We often desire an ultimate feeling of security but there is many valid reason why we cant reach it- the world disorder, trauma, tragedies, bills arriving unexpectedly, childhood anxiety we can never rid ourselves from and so on.

We all need that reassurance, that pat on the back. I can never get enough of that so I pat my own back quite often.

TonyWK

[Lisa611]

I find the older I get the more I like routine. I like the predictable security of it. It's absolutely pouring here! It's been raining here for 2 weeks straight. We only had 400 kids at school today. Over half were away. They are holding interviews for the new principal on Friday. There are changes a foot. Hope everyone is staying safe 😀

[asdff]

Quirky, I do not cope with change. I’ve told people it’s like an autistic person doesn’t like change, I don’t like change. So what I’m trying to say is… society is starting to see that autistic people don’t like change. Bipolar people don’t like change. I can do, I will pay for it in the few days afterward.

Velvet, parents that don’t give praise. I have one of those. Yes, I understand the doing without too. I see the supermarket shelves empty/sparse. I am okay but so think of the people on Centrelink. They can’t afford name brand cheese, pasta or whatever it is they are looking for. I see you, I see those people. Fuel has gone up, rent has gone up, even cat and dog food has gone up. Take care V and everyone reading.

[velvetfaerie]

Both parents in my life.

Swinging through. Busy day!!.

Society is still very bigoted and judgemental in my experience but we have VERY different lives.

Working class poor is a thing. Centrelink folks cop it too but they also get reduced meds, i pay full price, same with utilities, public transport and probably more.

My home income dropped 2/3rds, price of living went sky high (affects all) and my income? Stayed the same.

I do hope things change. I'm OK with short term pain, long term gain. But sadly I see 2 tiers in society now. Sad.

Anyway don't mean to be short..... gotta keep going!!

[quirkywords]

Hello all

I can relate to not coping with change.

I also can’t handle conflict and I get sick when people shout or swear at others, I can not handle anger especially irrational anger.

How does one cope besides avoiding or leaving when a person starts shout8ng or getting angry.?

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

I rarely refer to my beautiful wife but she is a "shouter", when she feels offended and that doesnt take much lol.

My ex though, a closet alcoholic was much worse. Being an ex prison guard where violence including yelling was a daily occurrence and an ex wife full of abuse by silence, I'm totally against any form of abuse and violence. I'm a big well trained man and will step in at any hint of violence in the public domain.

"How does one cope besides avoiding or leaving when a person starts shout8ng or getting angry.?". My first response is "why are you raising your voice"? Often they continue to do so "I'm not yelling". My reply "I didnt say you were yelling, I asked why are you raising your voice, which usually ends in yelling. I prefer we just have a mature conversation. We can sort this out, how about a cuppa"?

Covered in the the thread-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-...

A break of around 20 minutes is ideal, maybe 30. By the time you get the cuppa and slice some cake and attend to the toilet thats enough time for them to calm down. You'll be amazed at the change of persona especially if, when you bring him the cuppa you peck him on the cheek and tell him you love him or a hug to others.

That's proactive and yes it is controlling the situation by example but it usually works.

TonyWK

[Airies]

Ironic Tony that you and I walked the same tiers. I must add that I was wearing blue and not green and like you young to be exposed to that environment. My better half rarely yells, has the patience of a saint but I tend to withdraw into myself when things don’t go my way. Over the last few years I’ve had a few altercations on my bicycle from motorists, abuse and missiles and I see red, go off and as family members have Pointed out , do you think the motorists notice.

It is so so unlike the old me, calm, professional, rarely rattled and now I live in a constant state of annoyance. I’m thankful to have my wife, adult children, a little dog who rarely leaves my side but find my health or my body letting me down after a lifetime of excessive exercise.

im so grateful for this thread. 🙂

[wringer]

Hi, I also find change harder than I used too. We have had a strange low of cool weather since Sunday and the mornings are more difficult for me to feel my usual level of self motivation, really lucky though because my dog feels the weather change also! She the dog, is a giant so we can pig out together on our walk today we each had a drumstick ice cream, she always scoffs hers and gets brain freeze, dag!

[quirkywords]

Airies.
I am so grateful for this thread too.

Tony I often learn fro’ your posts,

wringer we had had 3 hrs straight no rain but I keep expecting it will start again.