This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wringer]

Hello group, I love to read the different ways you all go about living, thank you for your honest accounts.

Asdff- my reply to a former perpetrator was matter of fact. Email makes it so easy to hide reactions. I do not write my feelings down, I bottle them and I feel awful then after about 24 hours, my brain gives me an alternate way to see, feel and think about the things that I can not change. I do like your way especially the tear it up!

Quirkywords, I admire, that life has knocked you down and you just keep getting back up again. That is survival at it's best, when we choose to adapt to adverse conditions we survive!

Aries- Is it possible to avoid riding on the major highway? and are their suitable roads closer to home, I do hope so then you can remain safe.

To all others, as always nice to see you. Bye

[Lisa611]

Hi All...Airies so glad you weren't hurt! My partner is back from his golf trip. I coped fairly well on my own but I did get lonely. I just ate frozen microwave meals for dinner. Loneliness is a terrible feeling. It can leave you feeling down. Having the support of this forum makes a difference. We all live different lives with different trials and tribulations but we offer each other a kind word and support. We all have one thing in common...we all have a mental health condition that we face each day. Thank you to those who share their lives on this forum. It's good to know that I'm not alone.

[Leisa68]

Hello,

Airies, I think it's just terrible that you have to give riding away. All because of some jerks. Life isn't fair at all. I wonder what they would do if you threw a can at them? People can be mindless. Quirky, I think volunteering is very noble, I'm surprised no one notices. I think you are amazing for volunteering for two jobs. Asdff I hate partying neighbors, so inconsiderate! Is it time to hold a party of your own? Probably university students, it is Ö week this week.

The noises are quiet today, the body is quiet today. In some quiet moments, I panic, and the mind whirls around and around and it takes me some time to calm down. My son is with me sitting in a chair at the moment complaining about all the girls at school being into fashion. Hés 11. I think I had a Barbie when I was 11. He's now talking about Elon Musk (all the boys want to be Elon Musk) and making cars. I want to be that young again.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Hello Leisa, Lisa , Wringer, Aries, Velvet, Asdff, Tony , Alannah

and everyone reading . I like all the posts and the way you all share you lives honestly.

So much rain, so many leaky roves, but not mine, so many frayed tempers, so much to be grateful for.

I read somewhere that noise and trees are the top two things that cause conflict between neighbours .

peace to all

[velvetfaerie]

Just another day here. Walkies. Visiting. Wrote a character reference.

I realised today that my parents always pick pick pick. Never have a positive thing to say.

They always have negatives to say. Don't worry about how hard i work , how I've managed my mediocre life and assests ALONE. Got a job in a very competitive area for an employer who's very picky.

But hey I commute a long way so I'm poo. I have more kms on my car so I'm less of a human.

Reflecting on this has made me realise a few things. No wonder I have issues.

They have no idea I'm literally choosing every week between essentials. I reckon many are and with less leeway.

Those who sit on their ivory thrones of privilege....... enjoy it. It won't last.

[velvetfaerie]

Hi everyone......

[velvetfaerie]

Oh goody.

I'll give you guys an update when I can.

I'm glad you are all cruising along.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I enjoy your updates.

I am sorry your parents don’t see how much you have done in your life.

With me it is reverse one offspring criticises tme and thinks I have done little with my life and is always picking on me and correcting me.
why do they do that .?

[velvetfaerie]

Low self esteem prob. 

I got tired suddenly. The long warm dat caught up with me.

Sleep well y'all

[quirkywords]

Does anyone like or cope with changes or surprises.

I don’t. I find close ones don’t understand.