This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I think when we go through a massive change in our lives like a break up we reflect on where we're at. We look at what we've achieved which makes us feel good and we look at what we haven't achieved which can leave us feeling down and despondent. It's hard not to measure yourself by society's standards of success. I use to see being divorced as a failure but I don't see it that way anymore. It's just apart of my journey that has contributed to making me who I am today. When my daughter gave her wedding speech she thanked me for the woman she has grown into. I felt validated as a Mum and that I'd made the right decision all those years ago. Sometimes the pressure of fitting into society adds to our discontent. Hugs to all 🙂

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

It is certainly easy to be so hard on yourself, even just for the smallest thing. I know I am. I try to look from other perspectives, I try to be kind to myself but it all fails, in particular lately. However, will keep persevering! I am glad you are feeling better Velvet, I have to agree with Quirky, he is a clever dog.

Well, the school has been canceled again for the boy tomorrow, there is apparently a supercell storm headed our way tomorrow and we are to limit leaving the house for the next 48 hours. That would be a rough sell for the people who are still cleaning up after last weekend. Poor people. Studying today, the internet is back on here after three days of being down. I did not realize that I needed the internet that much!

It's good to read all these great posts

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa when our NBN was down a few months ago, I did miss it. These forums , other websites and Fb are my way of communication so I do feel isolated.

When I see peoples houses flooded I think they have a long road ahead.

After 2 years I still feel my loss and though I am ok I still have sad moments and moments when I don’t cope that well.

I hope the people in the floods get the help they need straight away without all the red tape I went through.

Lisa that is great your daughter appreciates you.

[wringer]

Hello group, everyone who knows trauma has to deal with it resurfacing, form time to time. Things not noticed by others can cause triggers and it is painful.

Today I had to deal with a trauma when reading and replying to an email from someone involved in my past. It took huge strength to resist not expressing my pain, when man I really wanted to hurt them back and run their choices down.

Resisting this urge did not feel better, even though I know I have done the right thing. Maybe in a day or two the righteousness will kick in?? bye

[Leisa68]

Hello there,

I don't know about the righteousness Wringer, I tend to block people who have hurt me in the past. You may not be able to do that, I hope the anxiety comes down for you in regards to that person. It's hard

[wringer]

We have overcast weather today, for a Saturday the town, has been unusually quiet. I have avoided the news all week, really I could just read the bible instead being it was all foretold!

This week I made 2 unusual errors, I misread the payment date on a bill which could have resulted in a late notice. The error is menial and yet I have never made this sort of mistake before. Then I accidently took double my evening medication, this gave me an awful experience and I really hope I never ever do that again. bye

[quirkywords]

Wringer I usually do the things in threes.

Like this week left my bag In op shop where I volunteer which meant a walk in the pouring rain to retrieve , paid the wrong account , and broke a favourite plate.

Small things.

[wringer]

So interesting to see others making silly errors, all of this stuff makes it hard for me to return to work. My old identity has had the stuffing kicked out of it and it is hard starting over half way through life. bye

[Airies]

Hi folks, just catching up on posts. V your dog sounds like he’s cottoned on to you. Mine was almost bitten by a snake the other day. First one I’d seen all season and luckily I’d just secured him back on the lead.
Im strumming along with my ukulele.practicing every other day. Thanks to you tube. One side benefit is no chewing of my nails. A lifelong habit. I probably will invest in a slightly bigger size down the track.

Almost ready to give cycling away. A can thrown at full velocity and just missing is not much fun on a major highway,. It’s just getting too hard.

Overcast and damp here today. I feel for those effected by floods in NSW and Queensland and can’t fathom the madness that is happening in the Ukraine

Hope others are doing ok

[asdff]

Wringer, did you write anything back to this person? I find writing it down in a private journal can help or even better in a letter then tear it up in little pieces.

I’m really tired some idiots near us were partying till 3am last night. Now I feel like rubbish. The whole family does.