This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

For sure. I reckon owning a business is brave in itself. I work for a university, not the corner store. So, context helps right? Haha.

Even though they've been still running lectures and so forth online for the international folks who couldn't get here, they're broke. Why? Over a decade of many fingers in the pie, over spending massive entitlements. Now they blame covid. This was admitted to all in an email from the VC.

So... the little guys pay the penalty. Not the ones at the top who fueled the mess. The two folks at the top of my dept went on international trips at least 3 times a year, every year for 13 years I saw, attending conferences about things they never worked first hand with. Need alone the national ones. Tell me this isn't corruption?? Perks? Sure. Sharing? Never.

Time will tell. I may be wrong. I hope I am!!!

Security, police etc. I couldn't do it. I looked into the army yesterday out of curiosity and being fed up. I doubt I'd pass psych 🤣

I guess I'm hesitant to give up all I've worked so hard for. Only a little look at the world events will tell you many share those sentiments.

[wringer]

Hello group so good to be here again, Velvetfaerie I to feel lonely but for me it's more about not being understood rather than wanting company. That awesome feeling, when another human actually gets what you are meaning. Well that doesn't happen enough around here. Connection that's the key.

I wish that I had Lisa's doctor I used the public system and it's crap. Yesterday there was an accident and just hearing it made my hands and chest tremble for 40 minutes. I was of the belief that I could improve but my nerves are shot. Today I yelled at someone mistreating their animal. That's one thing I hate about the sticks people are harsher. I think my behavior today is directly related to yesterdays nerve shock. My husband found the hole lot hilarious and he says that I deserves an Oscar for best drama! bye

[asdff]

Velvet, I am sorry you feel despondent. If I ended my relationship now, I would be a mess. I always am when something ends. I did the move state thing. Twice. Re: a new job just a thought vet or vet nurse. Or would you feel it’s a bit similar to what you do now and you are wanting a change?

[velvetfaerie]

That's one of my qualifications anyway and to go back into private practice I'd lose 20 - 30k a year. I'm already dropping back to super basics to survive. Sometimes you have to. I've seen jobs re written for work and they've halved the pay. So price of living goes up, wages down. Greed. Plain and simple. GRRR.

I feel a bit better this evening after a few laughs. I diagnosed my cars issue & it's an easy fix. PHEW!!!

Wringer - I yell at people mistreating animals too!!!

My dog thinks I mistreat him. I gave him his biccies for brekky and tried for more sleep. He sooked at my rooms entrance for an hour. No. He wanted the mince I made for him. NO THAT IS DINNER DOGGO!!. He's a smart manipulative one.

I'm sad about my relationship but it was abusive. He's a sad pathetic man who collects women on social media to bolster himself. He prefers fantasy to reality.

I do hope one day someone will want me for me 😞

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

So many interesting posts to read.

WringerI too feel no one has understood me in relationships or family.

There has been so much rain, I am lucky to be on high ground but my heart goes out to those whose houses have been destroyed by floods and families who have lost loved .

I try to avoid the news but it is everywhere.

Velvet I feel disappointed about the state of employment where wages go down and price of living goes up.

Your dog sounds very clever..

[wringer]

Hello group, good news I can confirm that the daylight hours are shortening, hopefully the change in season will see better weather for all.

I have loved watching all the Helpers those who have responded so kindly to the people in need. bye

[velvetfaerie]

Was cold this am.

I'm at work. Minimal sleep. We are a week behind. No staff. Broken machines. No communication. I can access the computer and emails systems. Hahaa.

On Monday a machine faulted and the building almost caught fire.

We haven't even reached covid peak yet. In theory.

[white knight]

Hi wringer

In my mind and my wife's mind there is two kinds of people- those that are kind to animals and those that aren't.

Good for you sticking up for that mistreated dog.

Velvet- the defence only take applicants of 100% health. It does suit some but not all

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

I think there is possibly another way of dividing people

Those who are kind and want to help others.

Those who are not and do not.

wringer I would like to think it does not take a tragedy for people to help each other but it is often that.

[wringer]

Compassion is a wonderful thing, I remember a TV ad that used to remind people to be helpful. For memory it goes " Do you need a haand, Do you need a haand, Be the first to say, Do you need a hand."

At the shops if I see someone stuck I say "How you going?" - I find, do you need a hand? is just to upfront.

I think I ate more than my share of tiny teddy's today, now my hubby is not drinking we are sugar binging! Bye