This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

That is a good point re reflection.

I make excuses for others as well as for myself. I think it is a bad habit of mine when I feel pressured to .

[Lisa611]

V - alot of women get their hair cut after a break up. If you like your hair long leave it long. Put a treatment in and maybe get a little trim so that you are being kind to yourself. Take this time to do what you want to do. Break ups hurt and there's no way to avoid the sadness and pain. We are here for you. Hugs.

[velvetfaerie]

A trim is a good idea. Thank you 🙂

I've spent about 12hrs this last week cleaning and tidying the house, plus working fulltime. I've seen now just how much he didn't contribute and took me for granted. Used and abused me.

I've been stressed enough to start subconsciously pulling hair out at my hairline.

[Airies]

Hey V , stress comes out in a number of ways. Looks like you are keeping yourself busy.I’m the only bloke here but here for you as well. It was an experience fishing, I left my wallet, sandwiches at home., fell or tripped into the water and at the end of the day my reward one toady. I found a quite spot so hopefully sleep well.Next time more water hedritation. That was my excercise for the day.

Take care V hugs from afar

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

V, what a tumultuous time you have been through! I hope you can give yourself some "me time"now. He sounds like an absolute swamp donkey leaving you to do all the work. I hope things get better. Airies, that is something I would do is leave my sandwiches at home. I still hope you had some fun.

My son went back to school today, all went well, no COVID emergencies or as such. You could tell the kids were all pretty excited to see each other, the teachers were beaming as well. I've been sleepy today, I wonder if it's because I can be sleepy. Pondering next binge-watch soon, Uni starts in 1 week. Oh well.

Have a good night everyone

Leisa

[velvetfaerie]

Busy until this afternoon. I ran out of puff and things to do. My quads are really worked as well with everything I've done the last 3 days. Now I'm bored and lonely.

Leisa, Swamp donkey!!! I haven't hear that saying in years. He's a... truly a narcissist, in the pathological sense. It was up to me to do the majority of everything. I used to tell him I felt like an entertainment service. I should've charged him accordingly!!!

I am definitely doing things for me for once. I can manage some things, but big things not yet. I feel guilty for some reason. Maybe I just forget who I am still. I'm working on it.

Oh no not the sandwiches Airies!!! I also hope the water wasn't too cold for your stack into it. Brrrrr. I hope the trip was relaxing none the less.

V

[quirkywords]

velvet

I am glad you are starting to do things for yourself.

I am sorry you feel guilty you will get there but it will take time.

You have been through so much and have made changes in your life and it will take time to adjust.

[asdff]

I get the super deep lows. I was depressed before I was diagnosed. People around me said the fall into depression was quite spectacular. As I was travelling okay, then a few hours later depressed. The depression gets worse. Then Eventually I get myself out of the hole. Current mood not great. The people around me are grating me. I have a psychologist appointment soon. I haven’t had one in months.

[asdff]

I have removed myself from the room where the teenage girl is. She constantly berates me, criticises me. I ignore most days. It’s multiple times a day. Sometimes I walk away without a fight but just then she got some of my fight. It’s about my cooking, mainly she hates what I cook and I say you are more than welcome to cook. Apparently I didn’t buy her the correct set folder, yet there are three to choose from. Around three things went wrong at school today. All my fault. I get to be the verbal punching bag and I am sick of it. I have a family member’s birthday party on the weekend. I don’t want to go as teen daughter will be there and Mother in Law. Teen daughter loves to moan about me to mother in law. How crappy my cooking is, we had this food all the time. Mum doesn’t buy us this and that. All the same stuff. It really annoys. I feel like I have no right of reply. Sometimes I get so worked up, I can’t hold it in and I have to excuse myself. I think this child is ageing me rapidly.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

someone once said to me that my teenagers complained and criticised to me because the felt safe to as they would always be loved unconditionally.

That didn’t really help and may not help you but zi had a friend who said her children never behaved like me, yet behind her back they said awful things about her.

Your daughter is testing your boundaries and being a teenager.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and she would be21.

Will your husband support you if you reply to her.?
Does she talk to your husband like she does to You ?

Take care