This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Morning Mallow! Congrats on the work audit mate! Yay! I knew you'd nail it 😊

Yes, terrible events in Melbourne. I can't imagine how terrifying it must have been. My heart is heavy for the families and all who witnessed it. Do you live in Melbourne or are you from there? Must be even so much sadder when it's your own city.

Weekend my friend. What are your plans? My hubby's going off doing motorcyclist things, so I'm left to play on my own, that's dangerous. Haha. I feel a Bunnings outing coming on.

Cheers mate, keep smiling eh?

Kaz

[MallowPuff]

Morning Kaz, all,

I live in Melb suburbs, and travel through the CBD to work every day.... so made for a eerie and somber trip home last night. Most of the center of the city had been closed off, shops closed, streets empty.

As for today, went for a parkrun this morning, was great, can still run, enjoyed it... gotta remember that.

Otherwise I'm dropping the kids off at the parents for the night and enjoying some lovely adult time with my lovely wife...

Enjoy Bunnings 🙂 let us know what you end up with..

peace out!

Mallow.

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Mallow, the Bourke St incident in Melbourne was very tragic. Life really is very fragile (sighs). It must have felt like a desserted city when you were on your way home yesterday.

It's great to hear that your concentration has been better lately. I've heard good things about An Unquiet Mind.

Well done on the work audit. I bet you're so relieved that that's over! Happy dance, happy dance.

I enjoyed the Patrick quote btw. Here's to a good weekend with your wife and maybe you'll get your guitar out again 😊

Hi Kaz,

All good. No apology needed. You needed time out for yourself.

Well, according to Google, the lyrics are from Drift Away except I'm rather confused because I can't tell if it's by the Doobie Brothers or Rolling Stones (see...Google is out to confuse me!)

Len, hi and I hope you're doing okay this weekend.

Dottie x

[MallowPuff]

Hello all! Kaz, Dottie, Len and Tony, you still out there?

Bit of a clique forming in here, hope we're not scaring anyone off. Lurkers, if you're reading and wondering, wonder no more, say hi, welcome to the club. Welcome to a special part of the world, life with a little added extra. Where's you're rollercoaster at today, let us know. How's the hamster in your head?

Short week time! taking Friday off, 3 days to cram in 5 days of work *lol*. Thanks to invasion day, will be celebrating with acknowledgement and respect.

Mornings suck, I used to be able to get out of bed and spring into the day, at least with some energy even if my head was like a sore bear. Now it's just a morning fog with little desire to leave the bed. Might help going to be (and taking my medication) earlier than 12:30am *whince*. Need better bed time, but there's so much to do!! Need to as least take medication earlier maybe, of which I need to remember to get some more.

Had a great weekend with the missus! lots of lovely adult time, out and about, nice dinner Sat night, rebuilding 'Us'.

Still need to work out how/when I stop buying crap for the sake of buying crap, because I 'may' use it one day, or 'it won't be this cheap again', or 'how much better would that be'. At least I haven't bought any new runners for a month, but haven't really been running either *sigh*. Sat morning's run has given me a slight hamstring strain on the right leg, dammit. Extra weight and lack of training. Ain't no jack rabbit like I was a few months ago.

An unquiet mind is very interesting reading. Haven't had psychosis, but boy it looks scary. So much else in the book resonates so far, the energy levels, the thinking you're in full control, that everything is awesome, you mind whizzing away, unable to stop. One passage resonated about being the life of the party and everything is great, compared to someone looking in and seeing you as a mostly uncontrollable mess. A friend had relayed as much to me one day. I thought I was at the top of my game, top of the world, had it all worked out, and was just celebrating. Seemed I was quite a mess, can't remember half of what I said, good times.

Need to book back into my psychologist too, to say hi, let her know where I am at, seek some guidance I guess. Psychiatrist appointment next week, Rheumatologist the week after. Geez I'm high maintenance.

Time to keep working, there are bills to be paid! #thankfulforhavingajob

Looks like I've run out of chara

[Kazzl]

Hiya Mallow! Good to see you. Glad you had a good weekend and things are going well with the missus. (Don't forget flowers ... they can work wonders 😉).

Mine was good too, or at least not bad - I'm trying to remember what I did ... not much apparently. It was hot and there was cricket.

Yeah, the sleep thing's important. They (the 'experts') say a regular pattern for going to bed and getting up helps with stability. My trouble is I sleep too much - I'm always up very early, before 6, but I need a nap in the afternoon. Then bedtime is about 10. I like sleep. Think if I start working again I'll need to take a camp bed with me, and put a sign on the office door 'do not disturb the bipolar bear'.

I had a lovely day today. I've started volunteering as a social companion for people with mental illness, and I met my first 'buddy' today. Really lovely woman about my age, we have a lot in common and we 'clicked'. Looking forward to getting out and about with her. We're going swimming next week.

Other than that, things have been quiet for me. I've been a bit inwards, but not in a bad way, just reflective and maybe a bit self-absorbed. I'm waiting on some news which I won't jinx by saying what it is. Let's just say this week will require patience, not my strong point.

I've been trying to avoid TV and social media as much as possible too. I tend to want to throw things when a certain orange-faced blight on the free world pops up.

High maintenance? We're all high maintenance mate ... and we're worth it, every bit. 😄

Cheers

Kaz

[MallowPuff]

L'Ithium, because you're worth it....

nearly works lol 😂

With you on the orange 🍊 face thing too. A symptom of mine was also incessantly checking FB for people liking my posts and photos, so now I am staying away from FB quite a bit too. Annoying my wife a little as she uses it a lot and I keep missing what she's posting lol...

too funny....

[Airies]

Hello All,

An unquite mind sounds like a good read. It's been ages since I read a book.Kazz yeah I know I sound like some sort of fitness junky, but I used to smoke, a carton whilst on holidays and then stop, even rocked up at a fun run with a cig in my mouth and then run a PB.. It's been years since I had a fag or smoked constantly but when stressed would go through a couple of packs a day and then not smoke for a year or 2. All my life I've been the extremes. Guess never a dull moment with us hey . As for shopping, I'm doing retail theraphy constantly. Purchased some goggles and snorkel via eBay today for upcoming cruise, yesterday some sports mats for upstairs and day before a ph monitor for the garden. Small things but it all adds up. My rowing machine and bench were not cheap. Luckily my wife is pretty understanding.

Awfully hot here this morning, raining now and temperature drop with it. Bloody Victorian weather.Was on my hands and knees picking up and raking gum leaves on my nature strip.

ive figured if I concentrate on a given section of the garden on each day week in , week out I will be on top of the garden, gives me some structure and allows me to get some excercise in. Dumb me went for a bike ride on consecutive days. Apart from almost getting collected by a car, I was totally totally stuffed today, didn't sleep well overnight and crappy dreams.

Continuing to learn what I can and cannot do.

Hey there Mallow it's a bit of a clique but hopefully more come on board. It's hard to be eberywhere but not from lack of trying lol. Shocking , Shocking scenes in Melbourne. Having worked in justice department for 20 odd years our system is in dire need of overhaul. I avoid watching the news or reading the paper anymore.

I know if I stay up , take my meds late, I'm pooped the next day and in a fog. Nowadays I'm usually in by 9:00 pm and occasionally crash or have a na na nap mid arvo. I used to be up before dawn, years on end, rotating shifts , 24/7 but now I'm rarely awake before 9 am and by nights end I need sleep, lots of it , clenching my teeth and despite my excercise and trying to keep busy rarely wake up rested. Bed is my friend, comfort zone but it can be my hell as well.

Dottie, hope all is well. Your posts are a breath of fresh air. As for films we always watch Love Actually around Xmas. Every time we watch it we see simething new. I love my music, same vintage as Kazz so much to say so little room.....run out of room and retyped(

by

[Airies]

Back again

typing o n iPad is frustrating at times. It's raining, my frogs croaking rather loudly from my pond and thankgod the change has come. I've turned into a real old fart in the last few years.Last year knocked me for six.Luckily it's 2017 and determined to make the most of it.

its amaysing how being here, posting, hopefully helping others and being helped yourself is all part of the recovery process.I thinks we deserve to give ourselves a collective hug and pat on the back.

Keep on keeping on folks

cheers Len xox

[Airies]

Hi Mallow,

i used to love playing pinball machines. Closest thing these days is PinBall Arcade on the IPad but I deleted the App. Also loved SpaceInvaders, Galaga and was into Doom ages ago.

I used to love a good book but struggle to grasp anything these days .Doing a cruise in a few months. I'd love to read an unusual mind or the book by Carrie Fischer to obtain more insight but might leave it till we get back.

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Morning Len - your cruise sounds exciting, where are you off to?

I'm with you on the collective hug and pat on the back. We're all going pretty well at the moment eh? 😊

It's so good to have fellow travellers on this strange and rocky road.

Morning Mallow - hope you have a good day at work mate.

Hiya Dottie - how's our little ray of sunshine today?

And hi Tony - how's things my friend?

If there are any newcomers or lurkers out there who want to join in with our little crew, please feel free to post. You will be very welcome.

Another hot one in the capital today. Quiet domestic day for me I think.

Cheers all

Kaz

xxx