This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Hiya Dottie - no I haven't read An Unquiet Mind, but I've certainly heard of it. Thanks for the reminder, I'll put it on my list. I've just started The Happiness Trap - it's excellent.

Must admit though, I feel like I'm reaching saturation point with MH-related things at the moment. Think I need a rollicking good yarn with nothing to do with MH for a while. A spy novel, or Dan Brown, or somesuch. Or a good movie - might watch Sean of the Dead or This is Spinal Tap again. LOL. Then there's Spongebob Squarepants. Love him. (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea ...)

Recommendations welcome. What are everyone's go-to movies, books, TV shows etc for a break from our heads?

Hope you're all well and good today.

Cheers

Kaz

[Guest_322]

Hi Kaz and all,

No worries at all. It does sound like you need a break from MH related things- time to mix it up a bit. I vaguely remember seeing the Happiness Trap at a bookshop. I haven't personally read it but it's good to hear that you're getting a lot out of it.

Oh yeah, Spongebob is pretty funny (as are all the Bikini Bottom residents). He's possibly the world's most cheerful kitchenhand ha, ha.

Hmmm...go-to entertainment to get out of my head? Most of my preferred books, movies, etc make me think so they don't exactly help me break from my head ha, ha.

Music is probably the answer for me (for a lot of things). If I need to get my mind off things, I listen to music. I'm currently really into Naidemonaiya, which is a Japanese song. I don't speak Japanese so I don't understand the lyrics but I still enjoy it. I purposely didn't look up the English translation because sometimes a bit of mystery is nice 😊

I had a busy day yesterday- worked, figured out my units for uni enrolment for the year then saw some friends in the evening.

Take care,

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Wait, brainwave!

Some of my favourite feel-good movies for cheering up include:

- Amelie

- Legally Blonde (guilty pleasure ha, ha)

- Hairspray (the remake)

Dottie x

[MallowPuff]

Looooove Spongebob. My kids were hooked onto it for a while 🙂

trying to get back into reading myself, since I now seem to have an attention span and am a little less distracting. Currently reading Carrie Fishers Wishful Drinking. A wonderfully easy read, and she certainly had a great wit about her... I've also purchased an Unquiet Mind, and stashed it on my kobo.

I've also got over 100 leadership/personal growth/MH books I've 'collected' over the time, but of course hardly made a dent in reading. Yay savers and Amazon/Kobo ebooks *whince*

I did start reading Russ Harris (Happiness trap) book called 'Reality Slap', which is sort of how to deal with gaps in life, mostly around grief and expectation gaps, or rather, the reality of things. Was good in helping me feel a little normal at times.

I also have his books the Happiness Trap and ACT with love... one day..

I've also tried to get back into some computer/console gaming. Used to really enjoy it, but had relegated it to the 'useless waste of time' bucket 😞 didn't stop me buying the following for our house: 3 x Playstation 3 consoles, 2 x Xbox 360 consoles, Xbox one, 3 x 42" or larger screens, multiple controllers, charges, and over 200 games!

picked one off the shelf and started playing it last week.... it was awesome! welcome back fun time... Even sat with my girls and played an old classic with them - The curse of Monkey Island. My 12yo loved it, and it's awesome quirky humour.

And this weeks pre-occupation/research: effects of atypical antipsychotic drugs on people without mental health issues/bipolar...

[MallowPuff]

And on the music front.. this caught my attention whilst enjoying some Apple Music....

.....
My mind is scaring me right now
Somebody shine a little light down
Tell me is there anybody out there
Feeling like I do?
Oo-ho-hoo
Sing it brother

.......

a little bit of Bliss..... n Esso 🙂

[Guest_322]

Hi Kaz and MallowPuff,

It looks like the 3 of us are in agreement about Spongebob!

Mallowpuff, you have an impressive personal development and MH book collection. The good news is you won't be short of choice when the reading mood strikes.

I'm glad you could share the console experience with your children. It sounds like your 12 y.o. enjoyed it as much as you, which is great.

I feel as though a lot of people- myself included- can relate to the lyrics that you posted. Your post made me think of this quote:

When the pain penetrates, the music resonates.

-​ anonymous.

Dottie x

[MallowPuff]

Hey Dottie!

good to see you 🙂

"You may be an open book Spongebob, but I am a bit more complicated than that. The Inner Machinations of my mind are an enigma" (Patrick)

had a stressful day today with a panic attack to kick off a big work challenge... but survived... heading home now. Have started reading an Unquiet Mind, really good so far. Feels good to be able to focus long enough to read! great to have a mostly calm, settled, mind. Just drifting along, without rush, without jumping all over the place. Feels weird! means not only am I reading, but I think I'm taking it in. So much better than just looking out to space, whilst the hamster darts around my head....

Bring on the weekend..... please!

Hope you are okay this week Shedazzle Kazzle!

And Len, the comments you said about sleeping and fatigue. This is so different. I could run a half marathon, get in a 5 hours of sleep, and have a full and lively day, with another run in it, repeat. My best streak was running every day for 4 weeks I think it was. Minimum of 5km a day, doing around 60-70km a week. Now it's all a struggle and I'm finding I need 8 hours of sleep to feel good.... otherwise I spend the day in a dazed, half sleepy, brain fog way. Everything seems to take it out of me so much more. Except at about 10pm at night, when I feel so awake and ready to take on the day, I mean night lol... Sleep, need more...

Friday tomorrow....

Steven Wright on my playlist

- a lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I'm afraid of widths...

- I got a postcard from my friend George, it was a satellite picture of earth. On the other side it said "Wish you were Here"

Peace love and mung beans all....

[Kazzl]

Peace, love and mung beans! Oh Mallow you dippy hippy, I haven't heard that for a long time! 😄

Hi everyone, sorry I went AWOL for a few days. Hit a bump. My sleeping got all messed up and I sunk for a bit, needed rest, but I'm back on track, all shiny again.

Mallow - well done mate for getting through the panic at work. Gee that's hard. I used to find work the hardest place to regain control when I had a bit of a spin. Lost it a few times. And yes, doesn't it feel good when you can focus and concentrate! Enjoy your reading my friend.

I switched off with a Dan Brown (Da Vinci Code) novel, and Big Bash cricket.

Hiya Dottie hun - that quote you posted reminded me of a line from a very favourite song ... 'when I'm feeling blue, the guitar's coming through to soothe me' ... come on, name that tune. 😄

Hey Len - how's it going my friend? Are you surviving the heat OK? It's been fierce here. My little plants are OK though, actually growing which is reassuring.

Love to all

Kaz

xxx

[MallowPuff]

Hey Kaz,

damn bumps, lumps and potholes... good to see you pop back up for air.

Without searching the internet, I have no idea on those lyrics, nice though. Dusted off the guitar this week though and practiced a few chords, felt good.

This mornings song that popped into my head...

Purple haze, all in my brain
Lately things they don't seem the same
Actin' funny, but I don't know why
Excuse me while I kiss the sky

alternate lyrics

excuse my while I kiss this guy *lol*

one more day of stressful work, big project delivery, neck on the line etc.... already running late to work today, damn sleep problems, and thunderstorms! Wonderful massive overnight thunderstorms. Love a good lightening show...

best wishes all for a good day!

Yours in Stress, hope and purple haze,

Mallow.

[MallowPuff]

Passed the big work audit, major stress relief... major.....

weekend is here....

but a sad night in my beautiful Melbourne 😞