Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_1055]

Ah it's ok Sleepy, don't try and work it all out. Sometimes our brains just can't take anymore in. And become one big scrambled up mess. Overwhelming and heavy. Mine does anyway. No pressure to reply to me Sleepy. Sometimes we just got simply be. And not try and work stuff out. Overthink things I guess.

xx hug

[Guest_1643]

workingit out is so tiring. my psych does tell me i overthink a lot

i'm doing fine! and badly. life is a mess.

I have pretty bad mascne - have you heard this phrase? when wearing masks causes pimples. Haven't had much issue with breakouts in my 30s but the mask is blocking my skin and not lettingit breathe. hope they go away

i am trying to read and am still attending MH support at different places. My fave support worker has gone. I grew attached to him for sure. I wish i'd have had a chance to say goodbye. Then he was just gone.

I try and show a lot of interest in other ppl in the Mh groups - i just find it all fascinating, whatbrings ppl here, where they're at in their journeys. u see such interesting stories. My own story I don't always tell. Every so often certain very triggering (and truthful) words come out

Crises

it sits okay, i hope, and ppl can accept it. Things aren't going too good for me. The point of starting to say that aloud is my only hope.

[Guest_1643]

i've needed crises support, not doing too well

[Sophie_M]

Hey Sleepy21, Thanks for posting. We're sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. It was really brave and important that you took that support. We know it can be really hard to accept support when in such a dark place. We want to let you know that we've sent a private reply to you.

 

[Guest_1055]

Oh Sleepy, I wish I could help you. Don't know how

[Guest_1643]

thanks Shelll

thanks Sophie M. I feel distressed and upset but am safe.

I will be safe tonight and be able to be calm. i don't like feeling like this now though, it's like all the pain bubbles to the surface. thank u for being here for me.

[Guest_1055]

Just giving you a gentle hug Sleepy, and maybe sit and sip a warm soothing hot chocolate with you. Just nice and calm like. Just simply being and not striving to work things out. Nice and calm...

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning Sleepy, hope you are feeling a bit better today.

[Guest_1643]

Thank you Shelll

Unfortunately I don't feel much better and am still very down

have tried open up a bit and have been told by a crises support worker to "go outside and smell lavender"

today it didn't sit right with me and i'm just resting a bit.
I am doing some art and mindful colouring which might help.

Hoping to feel a bit better soon and relax a bit

[Guest_1055]

Hello Sleepy, hey even though lavender can smell absolutely pretty. And it does if you like it. Sometimes the emotional pain is just too much and it speaks loud covering up any pretty. That has been my experience anyways.

I think that is good doing some mindful colouring and art. It sounds very restful and calming. What are you colouring?

Hey I was just thinking (yep I overthink too) I don't think everyone expresses emotion outwardly. So maybe it's a personality thing as well. Saying that though, emotion can be expressed through other ways. I have heard it sung in songs, seen it in drawings, body language, dance , the written word

Hope I haven't overwhelmed you or anything.

xx