Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

Perhaps today is a day for rest and contemplation? Your goals will all still be there when you're ready. They're still goals even when we're not moving.

I was reading some article the other day about how we're always expected to be "doing the work". It's so much pressure. Maybe just allow yourself a day off to just be. If you're comfortable with that of course 🙂

Hugs, Katy

[Guest_1643]

Hi katy, so true.

the goals will always be there, and our health is no 1

i had a rest today and went to the library i hope i can just read my book and stay indoors now. some times we need to chill

[Guest_1643]

HI all,

how are u ???

i'm waiting to see if my meds do anything for sleep/mood. So far, nothing. They take awhile and it's only been 1.5 weeks, so more time to wait and see. I only missed one night which is when I was in the ED, and they gave me something else.

I don't know how I'm coping, everything feels an effort and my home is messier and messier.
Today I sorted out the bathroom cabinet and threw out some old cosmetics, which was something small.

I guess that will feel better, less heavy and overwhelm.

I feel like today was a huge effort to just stay afloat. I don't want to feel that way tomorrow. I am trying to stay busy and distracted. I hate this cold it's just awful and depressing.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

Me again 🙂

Trip to the library sounds good - what book did you find? I've been a bit disappointed with the last few fiction books I've read. I'm still slowly getting through a couple of non-fiction ones that I'm enjoying, but they take a bit more brain space to get through.

It seems from what I've read that many of us here on the forums have trouble staying on top of housework. It stands to reason when just getting through some days is enough. Sometimes it bothers me, other times it doesn't. I do agree that purging is a pretty nice feeling though. When I remember I try to even get rid of just one thing that's superfluous. I had a basket of empty boxes that I'd been keeping "just in case I needed them". They'd been there for years and I'd never needed them lol, so the other day off they went to the recycle bin. Felt good. I think it's cool that you did even a small thing when you're not feeling tip top. Well done you.

Do you have heating, warm clothes, snuggly blankets? It's been freezing here. I'm thinking I'll heat up my wheat bag and put it in bed before I get in tonight.

Hugs. Sorry things feel tough. We're all here with ya x

[Guest_1643]

Hi Katy, i totaly relate to that thing that sits around for ages and then purging and cleaning. Huge! well done and hope it felt great. I find it hard to throw things out and cleaning made me question why I was holding on to things in such poor condition that I don't use

I don't have warm clothes, a few staples but not enough, but i have some jumpers that are keeping me warm and also making it easier to just get outside. It's a work in progress. I always struggle with the cold, it hits me hard, and this apartment is just freezing. The heater doesn't work but I use my own portable one, which is pretty good.

I've got some kmart trackies and leggings which aren't as warm as hoped, and some lovely oppe shop bits whcih are warm. Winter and lockdown was a double whammy but i'm adjusting now.

How's Stormi going, and did u mention u have a cat?

Hope they're giving lots of winter cuddles

[Jstar49]

Hi Sleepy,

it is a struggle, esp when you’re struggling to stay warm. I’ve been really cold since getting sick with flu. One day I went back to my room, put leggings on under my pants, singlet, tee shirt, flannelette shirt and cardi- and warm Sox. Then I felt able to cope! I probably even put my beanie on for awhile!

I remember the cold of Victoria. It’s unceasing! Penetrating and unrelenting. At least up here in the mid north we get lovely sunny days, mostly. It’s unusual not to.
cold is depressing, so it’s not surprising it’s affecting your mood.
how did you go with the star jumps? Lol. If it helps, I’ll agree to do them with you...? I hate star jumps, but I’d do it for you Sleepy . Or there’s ‘burpees’ they look like fun! Haha. No, not really. But warming!
I’m glad you gave yourself permission to have a rest day. That’s excellent self care!

I have a book recommend, if anyone likes stories about dragons and magic. Robin Hobb is the author, and she’s written loads of trilogies, which interconnect. I’m nearly finished the whole set, then I’ll have to find a new author.
It can be hard to concentrate on reading sometimes, when I’m not well. Do you find that?

You are enough, dear Sleepy. Just you, here and now. You will get thru this.
Ps I hope you can sort things out with your Dr. he sounds like he has promise, even if he’s not perfect.
hugs,

J*

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Sleepy

Just popping in with a hello 🙂

Do you have decent op shops where you are? I find they're quite expensive here. It's cheaper to shop at the discount stores. I'd love some boots and a big thick scarf - I saw some nice ones in Cotton On, but I can't even afford that atm. That being said, the weather here has been lovely lately, with blue skies and sunshine.

I have 2 cats but they mostly cuddle up with each other, which is nice. I love to take pictures of them intertwined. Stormy always has to be next to me though. And it's nice at night as she likes to hop under the blanket like a little hot water bottle.

I mean, I guess we could always go with J's suggestion of star jumps or burpees to keep warm (yuk! lol). I don't know why but star jumps reminded me of Jane Fonda - I'm pretty sure there's a new show with Rose Byrne in it that's based around her? Or was it Olivia NJ? hmmm... ?

Well I hope you're managing ok today, and being gentle with yourself wherever you're at. Sending kind thoughts from over here x

Katy

[Guest_1643]

Hi J

i just read on ur thread how u are doing. Sending hugs to you through everything. Sending hugs and warm goodness to u and urs.
This cold is pretty awful. During the day it's okay, but im moody at nights and suffering due to winter. I've always hated this kind of dreary time.

Tht triology sounds exciting, what was it about?

I'm reading a few bits and pieces but i struggle with concentration atm and read very slow. I like to read the paper every day for tips on what to see/do/read/learn and usually get some recommendations from there

I saw my Dr and it was so interesting how he felt he was helping me and being honest about what to expect re taking medications

He told me what iw as taking was a weak medication

I came in a bit upset because I said - yes, it may be weak comparatively, and in medical terms, but for me it's had side effects.... if he calls it weak it makes it sound like its a lolly or a friendly nothing medication and in my opinion there is no such thing. And everyone reacts differently. So even a natural "weak" substance like melatonin for example (still not over the counter, still a medication) can sometimes interact with someone's system harshly and cause problems. "Theere's no weak medications" I rant.

He said "Yes I know, I was actually very worried about how this med could affect ur liver and had concerns about it."

It was akind of conversation tht didn't have this medical bent to it and fored me to kind of consider the other person's perspective and stop being angry for a minute.

Anyway, I've now been taken off my medication and all medications and am flying free in that regard. I may consider seeing the doctor les frequently or combining with another MH professional in the future if we can't get along, but for the moment he's okay. He has reduced the fee for me and I liked that he personally went with me to the receptionists to insist they do it in front of him because sometimes they fight with u a bit. They are always so defensive of the doctors and aggressive about payment. As if they can't just have a bit of compassion for the humans that we are, but we're just irritiating patients they have to tell with...

Thanks J. You are lovely to write to me.

[Matchy69]

Hi sleepy I have gone off all my MH medication and am only medication for other health problems.I was on such a high dose of one of MH medications that I felt like a zombie,even my doctor was surprised what a high dose my old doctor had put me on.If it's not working they seem to just increase it to I am so numb inside.I am starting to stand up for myself in regards to meds and know I have a right to a say in my treatment.

I hope you can get through this winter and know the warmer weather is coming.

Take care,

Mark.

[monkey_magic]

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