Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_1643]

thanks Shelll

happy to have you around supporting me and so many others.

i have been trying to do self-care by going out and treating myself and doing one thing at a time. I had a rough night, not a great rest, so waking up now with a tea. 🙂 Hope u enjoyed ur raspberry tea if you had some and are feeling good. I was proud I made a yum soup tonight.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy sometimes not doing any self care can be doing self care for yourself if you know what I mean.Sometimes just having a break can be self care.

Take care,

Mark.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Mark, that's such a good point

Some times there's no energy to do much and that's how it is. different days have different energy.

I struggled today to do anything. I barely slept last night, my kitchen's a mess. Self-care was just getting through the day, whatever happened happened and i tried my best.

I was beating myself up about not having much food in the house and not eating a proper meal, but today crackers and dip was all i can do.

I feel so tired and out of it. My landlord is having trouble findig a suitable place to install the heater, like put the unit in the outside of the apartment.... so that was sad. They now want me to send them a photo of my garden area to see if there's space to put it there. It's a bit annoying

[Guest_1643]

hi all

this week was a little tough for me

i was taking things quite slow and stopping to appreciate just being. Trees, colours.... watching some tacky tv, which is so liberating for me. Sitcoms. Laugh tracks. Soppy shows. A movie about a man on a motorbike, driving through the American country and sometimes robbing banks.

I borrow books from the library but never read them as I can't concentrate.

My brother and I have tentatively been in touch a little, but there are some old wounds. I've got not much to say to him and we aren't close. I have to reach out a lot more for help now, after hospitalisation ppl were very wlling to chat but i thik now ppl aren't sure if that help is needed. So they aren't in conact as much. I kinda missed it. Friends were calling in a bit just to say how I was settling back. It was nice.

My doctor is still nice but he's a doctor... I can't get over that at times, as I'm still very hesitant about the medical model. I do like his vibe and his almost silly-ness

[Matchy69]

Hi sleepy I am sorry you have had a tough week.I struggle to read to as I can't concertrate and can't remember what I have read .I am not close with my brother I see him once a year at Christmas and that's usually about it.I text him ocassionly but he rarely text back.I don't really have any friends and gets lonely not having anyone to talk to at times.

I am always here to listen to you sleepy.

Take care,

Mark.

[Guest_1055]

Hi all

Wish I could give you some more energy Sleepy.

Good that you made the yummy soup though. And good that you could just appreciate just being and noticing colours and trees. No strifing or anything. Just a calm appreciation of simply being.

I haven't had any raspberry tea for a bit actually. But will do. And I don't really support many people on here. If you don't mind me saying so.

That's good you have a nice doctor Sleepy. Makes all the difference if you can trust them and you get on well doesn't it

Couldn't understand about thd heater you mentioned about. If it's outside how will it warm the inside of your place? Maybe I missed something. I don't know. Hope it all works out dear Sleepy.

Nice you have a bit of a garden space though.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Draven J

You sound extremely intelligent and perhaps a deep thinker.

I too was looking into the certificate 4 in Allied Health... Nutrition. I could easily study it but talking with patients and or clients.. mmm not so sure about at the moment.

Do you have an interest in nutrition, meal planning and stuff like that.

And do you have your own thread on Beyond Blue?

[Guest_1643]

HI Shelll, the condenser of the aircon needs to be installed outside, i think when they install them they need a place outside to place part of it, although they set it up inside. i don't understand it myself, but my apartment has so many problems and now this one, that there isn't space for an aircon/heater. It's like a big box wich sucks air into fans etc and then blows it inside, as I underestand it. I think theyneed a place to put it...

[Guest_1643]

hi mark

sorry your brother never texts back. that is upsetting and especially when we try put in the effort.

i know what it feels like to be lonely and isolated.
My brother said he would come over last week and offered to bring me something, b ut when i replied i never heard back either. i don't understand why he just disappears nd it makes me feel more lonely and sad.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy it is strange how our brothers behave don't they realise how it effect us especially when my brother knows I have mental health problems.I just try and see him for my son's sake so he can see his cousin.He is always asking about him.

Take care,

Mark.