Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Thank you birdy,

what a lovely post. That has really soothes me. I have spent all day cleaning this place. It just does not feel like my home at all and I don’t see how it will. I do try to be in the moment I am in , but life feels too much at the moment. I want to run away. I once had such a good and easy life, now it feels so hard.

thank you for your kindness

tess

[Birdy77]

Dear Tess,

Urgh, cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning ... and then some cleaning. What a massive task it all is. When you get to the end of cleaning the old place you can't even breathe a sigh of relief because you have the new place ahead of you. I wish we could come over and help you, pop some happy music on and get it done in a jiffy.

I can really relate to the feeling you are having that life feels too much and you want to run away. Sometimes i just want to curl up in my bed and watch a thousand episodes of something and shut the world out.

Now that you have moved in, is there a way you can see your way clear to give yourself a couple of days off? Could you make, say, one room at least habitable and go get some easy meals and some DVDs and take a couple of days to just chill out? You deserve a rest, it's been months of stress. Can unpacking the container wait? At least until say Monday?

Sending you positive vibes Tess.

🌻birdy

[Guest8901]

Dear Tess,

I just wanted to drop by and leave a few house warming items here for you. Thought it may help to make the place seem more like home for you, and for you to not want to run away after all.

I'm really sorry that life seems so hard right now. To have once had what you consider to be a good and easy life, must make it seem so much harder when things are no longer quite so easy. But that doesnt mean your life wont improve. It can, and I feel sure it will. As we have discussed previously, to move house is a very stressful thing to do, for anyone. And you have other stresses on top of that. You really need to give yourself some time.

So ... for your house warming gifts:

• I am installing a fish tank and some beautiful fish to inhabit it. Something for you to gaze upon when you need a calming influence. I always find fish to be restful and calming, so I hope you do too.
• An indoor herb garden to put on your kitchen window sill where it will catch the morning winter sun. The aroma of the herbs will waft through your kitchen.
• A new front doormat which has the imprint of a footprint in the sand. I hope you like the beach?
• A set of windchimes which will play your favourite tunes as the breeze brushes gently past it.
• Some scented candles to light and enjoy as you relax in a nice warm bath.

I really hope things have improved for you since you last posted. I know its really hard, but it will get better.

Giving you a reassuring hug. Hope you enjoy the gifts.

Amanda

[Tess2]

Dear Amanda,

that is all beautiful. I love wind chimes, scented candles the doormat and the herb garden are great ideas. I like fish too but have had fish tanks, well my sons have, and we are not good fish carers. I may infact go get a candle. Or two to soothe me. There is still so much to do. And we have to finish unloading the container by Wednesday. Wow.

i have been feeling very low and sad. I miss what was my home for years, but you know when I saw it all empty it was just rooms and not so meaningful. I have to make this place meaningful now

I have been worried about you, you are in such a difficult place right now and I want you to come through and build a new life for yourself. Perhaps that is something we can talk about together.

thank you

tess

[Tess2]

I can’t cope any longer. My son was driving my car, was stopped by the police and his licence taken for too many demerits. They also have impounded my car for 28 days. This will cost me 900$ to get back and I will have to hire a car for the interim. This is money I can I’ll afford. I am too heart sick to cry or be angry at him. I just want a normal life. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with all the extra problems that seem to keep building up . I have no more resilience and little motivation to continue struggling with living. I feel too alone in it all. Too alone

[Guest8901]

Oh Tess, I am so dreadfully sorry to hear this. Everything is building up isn't it? You have so much on your plate right now, and still not even settled into your new home.

I didnt know they could take your car like that, under such circumstances. Can you speak to a legal aid person to see if something can be done about getting the car back earlier? They may have some advice on what options you have, if any.

As for your son ... no use being angry, its done now. I can understand you feeling so heart sick. Its a shame you are unable to cry right now, because it may help to release some of the immense tension you would be carrying. I can relate to your feeling that all you want is a normal life.

Tess, I cannot recall if you are currently seeing a psychologist or counsellor. If you are, could you arrange to see them in the near future? And if you're not, how about booking an appointment with your GP to talk things over? That aside, with you feeling so alone and struggling badly with lack of motivation and lacking resilience, do you think it would help to speak to someone over the phone? Give the Beyondblue support service a call on 1300 22 4636. Sometimes it helps just to speak to someone. I know, because I have done that before.

Please dont isolate yourself Tess, as that would do you no good at all. Please reach out for help, both off line and here on-line.

Sending love and care to you.

Amanda

[Sophie_M]

Hi Tess2, 

We are sorry to hear that you're struggling and feel like problems keep building up. Please know that you're not alone. We'd suggest you get in touch with one of the professional mental helath counsellors at our Support Service. We can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or on email and Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) through our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. 
 

[Tess2]

Thank you Amanda.

I don’t want to talk to counsellors. They say all the same stuff and can’t change the way things are. I might try legal aid though.

Tess

[Birdy77]

Dear Tess,

I am so sorry everything feels so overwhelming, and with the latest hassles ...

I'm wondering how you are feeling?

I am hoping you have been able to just get through the feelings.

Sometimes that's all we can do. Please know that you are never alone, we are here by your side and holding you in our thoughts.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

I'm sorry I haven't been here for a while,

Please Tess always hang on to hope, how are you doing and are things okay with you and your son, with the car and all. I'm sorry that has happened to you....

Tess sweetheart, you've had it so hard for so long, try please just to take time out to ground yourself...i did this morning, I sat outside in the sun and just looked at the emptiness the drought has caused, listened to the birds, felt the wind on my skin as well as the sun..Please Tess, look after yourself...Your loved by your son, by me and many others here, please stay strong and come back if you feel to and we can chat about whatever you want to talk about...

Kind thoughts,

Grandy...