Struggling to go on

Tess2 · ‎23-04-2018

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

PamelaR · ‎29-05-2018

Hi Tess

It's been some time since I've popped into say hi. I've been away. Though have thought about you.

Glad to hear the home open passed. 3 dogs hey. Aren't pets the best thing. What type of dogs do you have Tess?

Tess2 · ‎30-05-2018

Hi Pamela, Yes i have 2 dogs and my son has 1. It is too many really. I am feeling really low today and dont know how i am going to get things done for a home viewing this evening. I feel so sad and alone. And sick and tired of feeling this way, just waiting for the days to pass

Ggrand · ‎30-05-2018

Hello Tess,

Im sorry your feeling very low today.. Tess your doing a really good job. I am really proud of how your getting through the viewings, hard I know but your doing them and that is a huge achievement..

I have two little dogs, and I love them so much, but at times I push them away, then I feel guilty and sad by doing that. But my little dogs, I think all dogs, do sense our pain and hurt, but love us unconditionally anyway..

Tess I can relate to feeling sad and alone. Try to distract yourself, deep breaths counting as you go..Maybe try to knit, watch tv, brush your dogs, just Tess look around your home and try to find something to take your mind of you feeling sad and alone..

Is your son home home with you? Maybe talk to him, let him know how you're feeling...

I'm not far away from the forums..I'm here for a bit if you want to talk..

Warm hugs and kind thoughts,

Grandy..

Tess2 · ‎30-05-2018

My son is understanding, but is sick of me being a downer and keeps telling me to be positive, he also has significant troubles of his own. I am so tired, no sleepy tired just tired of struggling through eCh day worrying about where i will live and how it will all sort out. I am constantly tidying and cleaning, i cant just live normally. I am scared of everything. I dont even like leaving my front door. Thank you for reaching out, when i know you have your struggles too

Tess2 · ‎01-06-2018

I am really not coping and feel so low. I just want to sleep all the time and not be in life at all. I cant go on living like this. I feel like a yo yo all over the place

stormcloudz · ‎01-06-2018

Hi Tess

Your dogs sound cute, and I am glad they are keeping you company. I understand about not getting joy from them at the moment - when I was really anxious, I just could not cope with one more demand, even if it was feeding the pets. It was a chore just to keep moving. That passed as the high anxiety period passed (although the pets can still be demanding sometimes!).

Like Grandy, I think you are doing really well as you are in high-stress situation while managing depression and anxiety. I know it feels like you aren't doing enough, but every action is a huge act of will at the moment.

It's good that your son is aware that you are finding things difficult and is trying to help. His intentions sound good, though I'm sure you are right and he doesn't realise how tough things are. But I'm not surprised that trying to help you 'cheer up' doesn't go to plan - anxiety is a full-body, full-mind experience that I am sure you would wish away if you could. Don't feel you have to show a brave face here. If you want practical suggestions that have worked for others, let us know. But for the moment, I'll just sit with you, knowing that you are just aiming to get through each day, and that you are showing great courage in a really tough period for you.

Tess2 · ‎01-06-2018

Thank you for replying, i have been feeling very alone the last few days. I am trying to find something on the tele to distract me, but it seems a dead loss. I am not just anxious, but fearful of everyone and everything. I cant leave the house. I have never been like this before in my life. It is terrigying in itself. Any suggestions?

stormcloudz · ‎02-06-2018

Hi Tess

You're not alone - we are right here with you - not in person unfortunately but certainly in spirit.

Sometimes talking about your fears and testing them out with others can be useful. Do you want to talk about some specific things you are feeling scared of, especially if you suspect it's unreasonable? It sounds like your anxiety has you on high alert, that's a horrible feeling as its so hard to rest. Trying to distract yourself is a good idea, but I do know that sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes guided meditation has worked for me - when you are in a high alert state, don't expect yourself to fully engage with the meditation or to relax - it's enough just to give your poor brain tiny micro-breaks from the all-consuming pressure. If you have access to youtube, there is guided mediation there for free, either traditional relaxation or short stories to distract you.

BTW I'm wondering if you are on all the right meds for your current situation - the doctor would be able to advise.

I will sit with you through the fear and panic, you are not alone.

PamelaR · ‎02-06-2018

Hi Tess

As Stormcloudz said, you're not alone. We are here for you. We just need you to reach out to us.

I too will sit here with you as you journey through your fear and panic. Fear is interesting. I use to have a fear of fear. No longer! There is nothing to fear about fear. It's giving you a message. There's something that needs attention, but when you're ready to look at it.

What are the names of your dogs? (BTW - you don't have to tell me if you don't want to). Maybe you could say what type of dog they are, e.g. bits of this and bits of that?

You can take my hand Tess, no need for you to be alone at all.

Tess2 · ‎02-06-2018

Thanks for your support. I really appreciate and need it. My two dogs are poodle crosses, miniatures, they are Kaos ( i know it makes everybody laugh) and phoebe. They were rescue dogs and i have had them about 5 years. They are both black but starting to go grey. My son has a staffy named Maggie. She is getting old now but is lovely. They all drive me nuts a bit. I am afraid of the current situation that i am in. I feel so insecure about the future. I have never been like this before. I do need to see my gp. But havent felt up to going. I am feeling super anxious right now.