Struggling to go on

Tess2 · ‎23-04-2018

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

Tess2 · ‎23-05-2018

I feel every day is bad at the moment. And i cant maintain positive momentum for more than a few minutes I am really trying hard to deal with everything. But I feel like a failure.

Wylde · ‎24-05-2018

Sending you a "HUG".

We will both try to keep strong in the days ahead!

Tess2 · ‎24-05-2018

I am feeling terrible today. High anxiety and panic. I cant seem to stop it. I dont eant an ambulance. I just want to feel calm and able to function normally

Wylde · ‎24-05-2018

More "HUGS" Tess.

Sorry to hear your having another tough day.

Have you tried guided meditation. UTube has a lot. I am currently using guided chakra meditations. Just keep scrolling through them till you find one that fits with you 🙂

Croix · ‎24-05-2018

Dear Tess~

As I think I mentioned I needed outside help to improve and not keep going down. Do you mind if I ask if you managed the GP appointment today? Of course there is no need to reply if you don't wish.

Sometimes too what might seem simple to someone that has not been there is in fact often impossible. I meant to say this before. When one is ill trying to use every day standards and judgments is worse than wrong, it does harm as it leads to feelings of failure that are undeserved. Sometimes getting out of bed or leaving the house or any one of a host of everyday deeds is simply beyond us and expecting to be able to do so simply makes things worse.

The only answer I know is to try to have reasonable targets, even something as simple as cleaning one's teeth. That way there is a pretty good chance of starting a habit of success, and that is important. If sitting outside to view nature is too hard, could you for example try for a gimps though a window?

Small steps is not silly, it is a pathway.

Croix

stormcloudz · ‎24-05-2018

Tess

I understand. High anxiety is awful to live through.

Forgive yourself for being anxious, don't try to force yourself to stop it, in my experience that makes the anxiety stronger. I have found it easier to accept that I'm anxious and reassure myself that it won't kill me, even though it's distressing. Everyone is different though.

Anything that helps you even a tiny bit is good, and I applaud you for trying it. Whether it's posting here, or re-reading Grandy's messages, or taking a glimpse at nature, any tiny bit helps.

Anxiety really seriously affects our ability to think clearly. It's hard to do anything. We think that nothing will help. It's really hard to function. I got a lot of relief from medication, which I really didn't expect. I know you have tried that path, but I agree with everyone who has suggested a visit to the GP - it's worth a try.

Take some pressure off yourself and know that this is a really tough period, it's understandable you are anxious and down. You might not be your usual self at the moment, but things will improve.

Ggrand · ‎25-05-2018

Hello Tess and other lovely people here,

Tess anxiety is hard to manage but it is manageable at times. I won't say all the time because it's not well for me it's not, but manageable at times yes.

Yesterday I was having a run of panick attacks, I had to go out side and ground myself, I wrote how I grounded myself yesterday in the grounding thread..it's a good thread to read and if you needed to ground yourself how you did it. As it helps the newer diagnosed to learn a bit about grounding..

I have a really hard time leaving my home 6 out of 7 days. now for over a year...Im pleased to say I'm doing better now and at times can go out twice a week.. Tess when you need to go out and you feel anxiety starting to pop its head into you thoughts.. Here is what I do...I deep breathe..In for always counting to yourself..1-2-3-4-5-.. then out for. R-E-L-A-X...keep repeating until you are calmer..

Also if you get high anxiety, you will probably need a few grounding boxes or packets that you can take with you on your trip outside the comfort of your home.. There are examples of grounding boxes in the grounding thread..

I like your attitude towards your wellness journey,, your willing to try anything. That is also my way of thinking..I am alone I have only me to get me well..A lot of times I cant be bothered trying to get me well. But then I again I will tell myself I deserve some happiness in my life so I will get into a good mindset and be able to help myself....Tess really sweetheart, it's a good idea if you could try and go to your gp, your so worth it, you have a beautiful caring heart, I hear it in your words.. please look after you..

Today I'm still down like yesterday.. What I'm doing right now and for the past hour, is I shut my blinds, curtains etc. I made my loungeroom as dark as I can..I have lit 6 candles all different scents, and I'm laying, sitting on the lounge watching the flames dance around..it's very relaxing for me, I put all my thoughts onto them..looking for the one that the flame goes higher on, the one that moves faster then the others, etc..

Tess it's hard to do but we need to find what calms you the best..The candles calms me, but they might not work for you.. Maybe music, meditation or relaxation they are also good for calming.

Kind and caring hugs..🤗🤗..big comforting hugs..

Grandy.

Tess2 · ‎25-05-2018

Hi. No I cancelled the dr. I just couldn’t face it. I am not feeling at all good but somehow have to find the strength to keep getting through each day. I have started my AD meds again so maybe they will help. Thank you

Tess2 · ‎25-05-2018

Thank you for hanging in there with me. I am feeling sad today, sad that I have let myself get into this situation. I feel responsible for my own mess, well I am. But it just isn’t easy to fix. Another home open tomorrow and I have to get the house ready for that. It seems to much to keep doing this. But I have to keep going. Thank you

stormcloudz · ‎26-05-2018

Good on you Tess for putting one foot in front of the other while dealing with all the anxiety and upheaval and sadness. Keep us posted on how you go with the home open.