Should I just suck this up?

[monkey_magic]

OK, this isn't easy for me to write bcas I respect police also but this is my situation.

I aparantly unlawfully entered a friends property, that's right a friends property. He wasn't home and I wasn't believed. Anyhow I was put in a mental institution. I preferred the hospital choice over the police station choice thinking I'll be in there for a couple weeks.

3 months later I came out overmedicated feeling like shite...misdiagnosed with a mental illness as a " safety net" seriously!!!!

3 months of my life where I couldn't work, and live my normal life. Inclosed in a small space, going crazy.

Should I just " suck this up". ?

[ecomama]

Hey monkey lovely lady

I wanted to pop in and see how you're going and I was so happy to read how well you are!!!

Yay!!! Happy days.

15kg is a massive amount to lose and you MUST feel that shift so much now.
I hope you go on to achieve whatever else you dream of.

I wanted to share how wonderful the Brene Brown podcast is.
One podcast talks about having a conversation with fear (or any emotion previously seen as negative) and THANKING fear.

I find visualising aides any MH work I do, so I imagined fear as a one of those gorgeous monsters from "Where The Wild Things Are" and as I spoke to fear and thanked it for trying SO hard to keep me safe, he relaxed and curled up and went to sleep.

Fear IS useful to keep us safe.
Over active emotions which inhibit a normal life may not be as useful.

BUT I figured that rejecting fear and any other normal human emotion would further encourage the tendency of mine for dissociating when my main goal is to minimise this and promote INTEGRATION.

To integrate ourselves we need to recognise and calm ALL of those emotions we may have thought or been told are negative.

Regulate them.

My monsters are sleeping now. They're appreciated, sleeping but can waken when needed.

Btw Brene's podcast has won International acclaim now, awards and stuff like that.
It's incredible work.

I hope you can all squeeze everything you possibly can out of the work this miracle makers do for us with their research and sharing.

Love to you all
EMxxxx

[monkey_magic]

Hi Eco, all,

I find that my courage and beliefs can move beyond fear. Unless of course I'm in an incredibly dangerous situation and would probably act on instinct. I think what you're saying makes sense too but I personally don't have lots of fear in my life or allow it to rule my life or if fear is there I don't allow it to stop me doing what I want in life. There are ppl on this forum who could benefit from letting go of, or making friends with fear. Whatever works to live your best life.

I don't feel well all the time but I act well and believe I'm well and tell people I'm well. It's not as depressing for all involved that way. Life isn't puppies and rainbows for a lot of people who make out it is but it's better than the alternative of bringing others down with constant doom and gloom. I live to feel good, look good and fill myself up with happy things, even though life is pretty up and down.

I'm really proud of the quality of food I'm ingesting. I've really taken to this weight loss challenge and eat so many different vegetables now, so many different nuts and seeds, and a lot less crap. This morning I was only 0.3kgs away from the weight I need to be to win this thing! And I have until 1/7/21 to lose all 17kgs of me, so I'm 16.7kgs down. I've conquered small goals like only eating when hungry, and I haven't given into temptation so many times. I still eat carbs but nowhere near as much as I used to. My weakness is cheese though and I buy many different types. A trick I have is to put cheddar onto the frypan until a lot of the oil seperates and it's crispy...love it that way. And I've been making healthier versions of my favourite food.

I have lots more to say which I'll leave for next time bcas there won't be enough space.

💕

[monkey_magic]

My grandmother is 86 & lately has been too scared and anxious to be by herself so my mum and I have been spending more time with her in her house. Her arthritis is really bad and she now walks hunched over and really struggles and she is becoming forgetful. It's cruel watching old age doing it's thing to someone you love. There's been talk of putting her in a nursing home and I think that's sad. I'm hoping it won't make her worse. She's still strong, and a straight talker but it's also sad she doesn't want to go out much to socialise with people her age. She's also been prescribed medication for her anxiety.

I've done the interview for my Tafe course and now I have to do a couple of tests. I got an email saying pathology collection is competitive so there's a lot more applications than spots available. It's mostly online because of covid which sucks because I prefer going to a campus but it is what it is. Fingers crossed.

I'm eating lots of salads these days with the lot! I add protein and cheese and many different seeds and nuts. My creations are very healthy and filling and I'm really grateful I've made big changes to my diet. I haven't had McDonald's in 5 mnths! Or bought a tub of icecream, bags of chips or blocks of chocolate.

Been to the doctor and there's lots of specialists I'm going to have to get around to seeing. The doc jumped when I said psychiatrists really need to be investigated. I've had to go over my whole story bcas my regular great doctor moved on without telling anyone where he went.

Been getting subscribers to my website which I haven't spoken about in a while which is exciting but I'm about to pay $420 to keep that website up and running for the year so I lose any profits. Even though I've payed more to have my business up for a year I'm not giving up.

My word count is running low so again I have to go....🪂

Take care everyone.

[monkey_magic]

Hi all,

I'm worried about my health. Now I haven't had a monthly all year. When it wouldn't stop the doctor gave me hormone- free drugs to take which stopped it and it hasn't returned. I'm in a bit of pain and discomfort which comes and goes sometimes but that's it. It's weirding me out. And I'm sure I wouldn't be able to fall pregnant. Not that I'm trying to or even active in that area but it's a pretty big hit to take at 38.

My car's also struggling. Went well for some months but now the emissions light stays on and it starts to struggle if I'm at the lights or parked. Back to the micanic. I bought a second hand dousy.

Made a Jumbo salad today in a jumbo bowl and ate the entire thing. Salads are delicious when you add lots of different things to them and have a dressing you like.

I've been in the world of weight loss success because of the weight loss challenge I'm doing and it's so inspiring. Everyday I log into the app and chat, look at photos, healthy food, learn more and more about people's successes. We're like one huge family spuring each other on. It's the best community and all free if you win your weight loss bet since you get all the money you choose to bet on your weight loss back plus your winnings. I love this thing. There's a bit of pressure because I obviously want to win but it's also worked for me because I've lost the 17kgs before I need to weigh out. Now I just need to maintain, or lose more before I can weigh out.

Been getting worse head tension, headaches than normal which makes it extra difficult at work. I suffer. The wrong people forced drugged me and now I'm fatigued on the daily. There's no way out of the struggle. My body is so far removed from the one I was so used to and knew so well. I told the registra in the hospital that he will be punished. I know he is punished, doing what he's doing but I still live with the consequences of them wronging me, everyday...and these symptoms ensure I never forget.

[Doolhof]

Hi Monkey,

It sounds like you have a lot going on for you. Hope you find some answers for your health issues.

Have you managed to take your car to the mechanics? Hope they were able to fix it for you at a reasonable cost. We certainly need our cars. Guess it depends where you live. Here in the country where I live we have no bus or trains, so you need your own transport.

Sorry to read your Grandmother is struggling. Are you able to access any care for her at home through My Aged Care? Some people do really well in Aged Care. I volunteer in a home and see some people really flourish in that environment.

Sounds like you enjoyed the salad you made. These days you can put just about anything you can imagine plant and seed wise in a salad.

Hope you are doing okay today Money. Cheers from Dools

[Guest_1055]

Oh MM, I am sorry you are disheartened (read what you wrote on another thread)

About your period...your feelings are valid there. It is challenging to know what is going on in that area of our bodies. Can feel a bit scary. Was for me. Have you had an ultrasound or anything? And also what we eat can affect our hormones as well. And now you are eating so much more nutritious foods and I just wonder if your body is attempting to heal that part in your body... so it is just a bit unsettled for a bit until it works it all out. Might be MM. And also the "Happy Hormones" that you mentioned a while back. Their private Facebook group may have some answers. So many ask questions about things like this. You don't have to buy their products or anything.

Go girl go with the salads. You are doing so very well there. Impressive with you using seeds in them. I would like to eat more seeds. What are you eating, like pumpkin or sunflower seeds? So very healthy for you.

I know you were forced to take drugs against your will. I am sorry MM. I really feel for you there. Its not right what they did. Are you able to forgive them, do you think? Not meaning what they did was right, because it wasn't. But rather forgive, so you can hopefully move on, leave the past in the past. Forgive to help heal your very own heart from the wrong that was done to you. Hope you don't mind me saying that.

About the car.... I am sorry you feel discouraged about that issue there. Some people you just cannot trust. But it's hard to tell who is and who isn't trust worthy. Maybe it's a learning experience for you.. I don't know. I have had issues with trusting people before. Too trusting I guess.

It's hard seeing our grandmas like that. Since we love them and all. Maybe Mrs D is right, she might be happier in an aged care place... more people for her to talk to. But she may not be also. It's tricky that one. It's great you and your mum are visiting with her. There are lots of services out there were support workers can visit people in their homes. Maybe your grandma would like that.

Anyway much care to you MM

[monkey_magic]

Morning Dools, Shell & all,

The car's been sorted for a cheap price, my micanic fixed an air pipe and has been on the road since. Was catching public transport for a while which were making my trips much longer.

Been spending more time with my 87 yr old grandmother and it's been a great experience. She opened up about what Australia was like when she arrived here and boy was it very different back then. I'm mind blown over how much it's changed in a short amount of time and how many options we have compared to those times. It's enriching knowing about our history.

We did some cooking together- made cheese and spinach triangles, and then I walked over another day. She's a great woman. Sometimes she repeats her stories over and over and over but occasionally I hear something new.

Since losing, now 20kgs my breathing has improved about 15% and I'm really happy about that, I have more energy, and can walk further. This weight loss challenge has been such a blessing and I'm still injesting really good quality and healing foods. The best treatment is the fruit and veg shop in my opinion! I've gotten my pay out after winning my first challenge and gave signed up to do another one bcas I get a lot out of the community doing it as well. I'm going to keep losing weight until I get to a healthy BMI. It can be a little tough sometimes but I've build a 6 mnth weight loss foundation and need to continue for my health's sake & looking forward to more changes. My skin is plump, clear and soft as well.

I got into my pathology course! It was competitive to get into and I had an interview and a maths and English test and it looks like I've done well! I'll be studying now and doing assessments. Hopefully I can do the job, taking ppls blood all day. It's out of my comfort zone but I think it's good to live outside your comfort zone.

In terms of forgiveness, Shell, I'm not holding on to unforgiveness always, or maybe I sometimes am and not always aware but I do remember quite vividly and feel cheated of the very healthy body I did used to have I know they ruined that, esp my high full functioning and energy. Maybe I'll never fully forgive them but will for myself. Going to keep to trying to heal through the best food this land can provide.

I look forward to hopefully hearing from some of you or if not, I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Stay safe

😘

[demonblaster]

Hey Magic 🐒 Doolsy Shelly and all ☺.

Just a quicky for now to let you know lovey I'm listening still loven ya and will bbl (be back later)

⚘

[Guest_1643]

hi Monkey, lovely to read about ur 87 year old grandmother. have yu been spending more time together? she sounds vibrant and interesting.

hope ur doing okay, enjoying work and lif and feeling well.

[monkey_magic]

A part of me died, you know, that part, that's meant to be alive! There was you and me then there was three but all that's left is me, left to pick up the pieces without us three.

You deceived me and that deception removed thee. There could have been two, but all that's left over is me.

I went on a journey for all to see, I was watched, I was stalked, I was even left on my knees. The temptations were real, was there nothing left without us three. The future we built was destroyed because of thee.

Nothing can be repaired in the abyss, nothing can be repaired I was roaming freely... Predetors were rampant, my wounds noticeable to all but me.

Others joined the party but the darkness kept me on my knees.

Praying, pleading, but you were gone, from us three. I bleed.

With nothing to lose I faced the world, faced the dark world with a new predetor by my side. Made of steel. Betrayal.

Now that dark world follows me...wants my soul to bleed...but it's bleeding....to the one that was taken, I'm sorry you had to see. My baby.