Sharing strategies to help with PTSD

[PamelaR]

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!!

I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to.

Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I replied earlier but my post was never posted. The original trauma was as a 10yr old when I we were burnt out in a bushfire. I was home unwell with mum. I was left feeling guilty for not helping while mum fought the fire. I never spoke about it for decades because it was too upsetting. Black Saturday stirred things up badly & as I mentioned after returning to Aus from UK I found things which previously had been fine were now triggers. I have seen a psych but treatment has not been consistent as often the focus has been on other issues unrelated to the PTSD. Obviously summer & hot weather are the worst times.

[PamelaR]

Thank you Mary

While being social can poop you out (I know that feeling only too well), I find it very refreshing and is extremely good for my wellness.

It's really interesting, after reading some of these threads earlier today, when I went out with my husband, he shouted something at another driver, he doesn't normally do that btw. But it triggered me. He's so good he immediately recognised what happed and we were able to talk about it. I was fine then. So triggers come from anywhere and everywhere. It's dealing with them when the arise.

Going back to the route course of the triggers I think helps to understand why I panic and to the situation is different, my husband is different. Everything is okay.

[bindi-QLD]

Hi Mary,

Yes I definitely relate to you; there hasn't been one `label' or framework that covers it all for me either. More like a jigsaw puzzle. I'm sorry for your abusive marriage. Your feelings don't sound at all strange to me, I have been around survivors of abuse for around 18 years now. I would have liked to read your Office Newsletter article `Now I Have A Label Where's My Pigeon Hole'. I would have got a lot out of hearing your insights.

A really big part of healing for me has been learning to avoid trauma and abuse. I grew up in an Abusive family and walked into other abusive situations as an adult.That pattern needed to stop, above all else.

So I tend to get the most out of `empowering' type information and assistance. Like learning about boundaries, making good decisions, Letting the right people in, discernment etc. I learned some of it from books (a lot of books!), some from my uni teacher who was a psychologist who befriended me for many years, and some from online support groups. I get so much from being in support groups with people who shared the same life experiences.

I agree, all of those parts of the puzzle help to understand our triggers, where they come from, what to do. Anyway, I thought it was very good point to raise Mary.

Thankyou X

[Guest8901]

Hi Bindi, I just read your post about Gaslighting. I've never heard the term before and looked it up after reading your post. Oh dear, thats so close to home. And you too Mary? I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you ever get over abusive relationships?

Bindi, I liked your perspective on Complex PTSD, so thanks for that. My psych spoke about aiming to make me feel more 'empowered', so that fits with what you said about empowering info and assistance being the most helpful for you. For both my initial trauma and my ongoing trauma, I have felt completely disempowered. Firstly physically and then psychologically. How do you turn this around?

I think I have a crazy and complicated jigsaw puzzle for my psych and myself to try to piece together. And I suspect there are still many missing pieces.

Amanda

[bindi-QLD]

Hiya Mandy, And hugs X

This is just my own understanding, Complex PTSD deals with the Traumatic effect of long term abuse. In the case of current abusive situations, often psychologists try to empower you by bringing you into a safer place in life. After that, you have fallout to deal with, and they can help you with that.

I think the strategies Pam is discussing (and perhaps you too) are dealing with traumatic feelings, when you are already safe. So you are trying to bring your emotions in line with the safety around you.

That make any sense? It sounds like you are in very good hands with your psychologist, I'm glad you found a good one. The strategies Pam and others have discussed on this thread are just wonderful, everything from seeing a psychologist, taking baby steps, letting out feelings, to exposure therapy. I do believe it all helps.

[quirkywords]

Pamela

This a great thread. ell done to you and all the contributors.

When I learnt about gas lighting quite a hole I go I could relate to it, in a previous relationship. I think the scary thing is you begin to believe you are always wrong and loose all your confidence. The underlining starts slowly and then you second guess everything and become afraid to say anything in case your partner gets angry and out of control so you spend your life walking on eggshells. It can be so subtle that you do not realise you are being manipulated until long after the relationship is over.

Thanks Bindi for mentioning it.

Thanks you all the brave posters for being so honest and vulnerable.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Thanks for your post Quirky. Yes, this describes me accurately. Second guessing, loss of confidence, and not talking to anyone for fear I say something silly and he will make fun of it. I'm very happy to say that many of these difficulties are under control. However I find myself automatically deferring to any man who holds a different view to me and I need to remind myself of who and what I am, a person with valid views of my own.

Still, it can be hard at times, especially when we meet at family gatherings and he still tries the same trick. Family quite supportive with the more obvious comments. I am learning to ignore comments but not quite mastered holding my tongue. I do respond at times and it never does me any good.

How is the holiday going?

Mary

[PamelaR]

Hello Quirkywords

Lovely to have you respond on this thread. I have read many of your very informative and supportive posts. Gas lighting is a term i've never heard of before. I had to look it up. My first husband (over 40 years ago) was exactly like that. Our marriage lasted 12 months. It was only for the help of work colleagues that convinced me his treatment of me was not normal!! I was so thankful to them - they were men.

I can totally understand how one can suffer ptsd following such treatment. I still get triggers from that period in my life. Generally my current husband knows I've been triggered and why. He usually says something like - it's okay, you're safe. It's not .......... Helps me tremendously.

Honesty is something i cherish. It helps me trust. So all the wonderful contributors to this thread are brave and I do appreciate their contribution so much. Thank you!!

[PamelaR]

Aww Elizabeth, what a difficult situation for you at 10 years old. Can't even begin to imagine how frightened you would have felt. Your mother would have wanted to protect you so you wouldn't have been allowed to participate in the fighting of the fire.

Can see though you must feel so guilty about that. Hugs coming your way. Think you need to think about why you are guilty. What is it that causes the guilt - other than not participating in the fighting? You were far too small - you needed protection.

Have you thought about looking at this specific issue with a psychologist? I.e. don't deviate from the path, address this issue. Has your psychologist ever thought the issue could be linked to whatever else you are seeing them for?

[PamelaR]

Hello White Rose

Sounds like a very difficult relationship. My thoughts go to you as does my heart. You know we're all here to support you when you need it.

Thank you for contributing to this thread. Your knowledge, experience and wisdom is greatly appreciated!! Such a wonderful person.

PamelaR