Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sez,

I have had a little think over your words. Thank you greatly, as always, for your love and support. It means a lot especially when I know you have more than your fair share of struggles...

I think that I've covered most of what I wanted to say in my last 2-3 posts 😉

The only other thing is you mentioned how I focus on the "feeling" rather than trying to connect the dots. My response? Of course I focus on the feelings...why do you think I love the arts so much? Take music, for example, which is about technique as it is about auditory aesthetics BUT it's about the feeling/emotions above all else 😉 Hope I'm making sense.

Anyway, look after you. Put yourself first. That's the most important part...

Love you; Milky Way, arts and all.

Pepper xoxoxoxo

[quirkywords]

Pepper,

I just want to say even though I have not posted here for a while I have been reading the posts and thinking of you.

I can relate to focus on the feeling too.

Quirky xoxo

[Moonstruck]

Peppermint.......why are you so sad?

don't elaborate if you don't want to...I just wondered if you know why......love you....Moon S x

[startingnew]

Hey Peps

as the others have said we are here if you want to chat ok, remember you can express how your feelings on here. youve been doing a realy good job in doing so lately and i can see an improvement in how you express yourself.

if you cant express yourself through just writing, can you write your own poem to share how your feeling?

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

i hope your ok. I didn't get my cat to the vet but I think she is ok now she's sore but ok. Yeah I'm missing my friend something shocking but there isn't much I can do about it.

thinking of you

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I gratefully appreciate the warm, generous and kind messages of support. Thank you Quirky, Moon, Butterfly and Nath ❤️

Sorry, I'm afraid that I'm a little tired to respond individually so it will have to be a collective response. Sorry guys...

Sometimes I just feel like my writing is an exercise in futility to be 100% honest. Words aren't my "thing"and I feel no matter what I write, 99% of the time, it falls short of what I want to convey. Sighs...

Thanks for the lovely suggestion, Butterfly 🙂 I am afraid poetry is probably more yours and Sez's strength. If I were to pick a "language", it's music. Always music above all else.

I am only speaking for myself but it has helped me more than therapy, more than any book I've read, more than most of my friends, more than nature...you get the picture...I'm not knocking the other things but I'm speaking on a personal level.

I often feel as though some people have a set idea of what does (and what doesn't) constitute self care and recovery (or call it what you will). Never mind how everyone is different and how even if something works for most, it doesn't mean that it will work for all. What if I'm one of those people?

I often feel the implicit message that I receive (in a general sense- I'm not referring to anyone in particular) is "here's a circle of what you must do to recover." Never mind me jumping up and down and screaming "but this isn't working!" or "this isn't for me!" Then I'm the one who's chastised for not trying hard enough or not committing even though it was a complete mismatch (for me personally) to start with...

Surely, there are others who feel the same/similar way? Come out, come out...wherever you are...

Sometimes I do feel a little lonely on these forums...any musicians out there? I'm glad we have a couple of artists (e.g. Nath and Butterfly on board here)

Thanks for listening to my (somewhat pointless) musings...

With love,

Pepper xoxo 💞

[startingnew]

Hey peps will get here asap just fixing some thing

[startingnew]

Hey Peps


dont worry about individua responses. If you cant write in words then tell us some lyrics to a song. You resonate with music a lot, im not a musician but I always turn to music and can always find a song to match how im feeling.
We are hearing you with what your saying now and I think your doing a great job expressing yourself. Ive noticed a change in your writing since talking to you.
While I know its hard for you to express your feelings at all, you are doing a great job and we are understanding what your saying.


While everything elsechanges around you, music will always stay the same. It has a powerful meaning and when we find that special song that we really resonatw with, we get a tight grip on it and often turn to it in times on need.


Ahhh youve just explained what I was thinking Peps. Everyones telling me this is how you get better, this is how recovery is but wheny our think about it not one person is the same. Therapy doesnt work for everyone while others reply on it to get through. I was constantly forced into doing mindfullness and yet I was screaming its not working! Stop suggesting it.

youve got to work harder they say. no sometimes its not a matter of working harder, its working smarter.

Not all methods work for everyone thats why its called 'personal recovery' you have to find what works for you. If soemthing doesnt work, stop trying it and try soemthing else, sure some things take a few goes to learn but you can generally tell after the first or second time of doing it if its for you.
You have to listen to your own needs and explore what works for you. Music and reading are too very great and powerful resources in your recovery. When no one else is there, there is always music and books.
I get it


sending lots of love and hugs
xoxoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Butterfly,

I appreciate the empathic and heartfelt response. Yes, music speaks to me more than anything else. Although it's not about the lyrics for me...it's about the emotions attached to the music. That's what makes it hard for me to convey...because I have to use words here...

As an aside and I know you're most likely sick of me saying this but I do worry about you over-extending yourself on these forums. The way you give and help is beautiful but can I quote Cornstarch (Corny) about "not giving it all away"?

I have a feeling you might brush me off with something about how you just try to make others feel less alone, it helps you connect, etc, etc...and that's great and all but in moderation. Sorry, my nagging is over for now.

Kind thoughts and much love. Please take care of you...

Pepper xoxo

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

I'm sorry your not doing to great at the moment, as for being a musicians I used to play piano before my fingers went numb dose that count? I'm happy to talk to you about music if you want I've written a few of my own songs as I don't know something to do I guess. Do you like country music at all?

hope your ok

Nath