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Sad musings

Peppermintbach
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

1,348 Replies 1,348

Hi,

I woke up from a nap...my body clock is a little off at the moment.

I have just been feeling sad. My whole body feels heavy especially my heart. Heavy hearted. Always heavy hearted.

The best way to describe how I feel right now is imagine me being stranded out in the deep ocean. I'm there floating on my back and just staring listlessly at the sky; too tired to swim or move my body much at all. That's how I feel. That's where I'm at emotionally...

Butterfly- I completely agree that art is its own language as is music as is poetry, etc 🙂

I'm happy to hear that you discovered your inner artist this year. I hope you continue to nurture that talent and maybe you can even use it as an outlet for some of your pain...

Nath- welcome 🙂 Thanks, that must be a very meaningful artwork to you. You draw from the heart...

True, art is definitely open to interpretation, which is one of its best qualities. It's liberating...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

the sky is a very beautiful thing on a nice day and even on the bad ones too as they bring the brighter days with them and make things very pretty.

ill come and join you and we can float around looking at all the shapes in the clouds.

see them gently floating past nice and fluffy and white, many of different shapes.

feel the cool water as your laying there, notice the gentle waves as you float around and the water ripples around you.

xoxoxox

Hey darling Pepper; (Shout-out to Essen and Nath)

You wrote on my thread;

'My random stray thought that has nothing to do with anything...I don't know; maybe sometimes we need to analyse while other times, maybe we just need to feel. Anyway, that's just my random aside- pay no attention to my musings'

Did you know the subconscious doesn't recognise the word 'no'? So those last words (to yourself) would say; '...pay attention to my musings'. And...'I' always do. 🙂

Do you?

As with all forms of artistic endeavour, we express what might seem whimsical or random 'musings' not realising we're talking to ourselves, not others; whether we use brush strokes, words or notes on a stave. I don't know how many times I've written on these forums; "Thankyou, I needed to write that"

For you Pepper, music 'speaks' to you from your happy place. (I nearly wrote Palace; how apt) I can't hear it as you do, but when you write about it, I 'hear' your happy voice. What an honour!

Here's a bit of my art;

Your heart's heavy unless you're focusing on music. I don't recall if I've said this before, but here goes anyway. (A random bit of advice in a movie) "If you go to bed thinking about singing, and it's the first thing you think of when you get up in the morning, chances are you're supposed to be singing. Why aren't you?"

Floating on your back with a heavy heart staring at random stars lining the night sky; all you have to do is 'join the dots' to create anything you want [it] to be. Instead, you focus on the 'feeling'. Your hearts' deep longing...not sadness my lovely.

Opportunities are like that; you have to first recognise them to take advantage of them. If you 'feel' them, then understand, chances are you'll be able to sort the forest from the trees. Or in this case, the milky way from the stars. A vast beautiful space waiting to be discovered and shared...just like your own heart.

Yes, there's a time for analysing to unlock feelings. I love you...

Sez xoxoxox

Hi pepper

thank you yeah that drawing dose have a lot of meaning to me.

Hi sara good to see you back.

im not doing very well right now my mums dog attacked me cat and I'm really worried we can't get her to a vet and she can't move and of course this has set everything off again so I'm missing my friend more than ever becuase normally I would talk about this kind of thing with her and she would suport me but I can't do that and my emotions are just all over the shop I'm so sick of this every time I start to feel just a bit better everything gose to crap again.

Thinking of pepper and Sara and sending lots of love

Nath

Dearest Sez,

Thank you for the beautiful, insightful post 🙂

You're weaving your magic again...

I have to head out now but will return with a proper response in the next couple of days...after I've had a chance to think things through...

The arts- but especially music- will always have a huge chunk of my heart. It's the only cup or well (or call it what you will) that never runs dry; the cup that keeps on giving. My friend, my constant, through thick and thin (there for the happy times as well as the dark times)....

As I have quoted before...

I have lived for love, I have lived for art.

- Vissi d'arte, Tosca

When people size up potential boyfriends, they might compare it to another person, compatible life goals, etc. I, on the other hand mentally compare them to how music makes me feel. That is my internal "measure." My ex definitely didn't come even close...

I think that the arts (and especially music) will always remain one of the the greatest loves of my life...

Gotta dash now...

Love you too; to the Milky Way and back and as much as the arts 😉

Pepper xoxo

startingnew
Community Member

i took a listen to Janis Joplin and wow is all i have to say!

that reminds me i was suppose to be finding artist names of paintings that i most resonate with

ok so i cant find all the names but maybe if i describe them you might know what they are

one of andrew Wyeths paintings- christinas world 1948

all these are by Dali. i gott explain them as they appear and not what they mean otherwise you might not get them

1. the lady with draws for a body

2. the persons head with the tree for a brain- looking at another tree so like image in the head

3. the face connected to the book

thatll do for now

Hi Sez, Nath and Butterfly Wings,

I will respond to both your lovely posts (Nath and BW over the next couple of days). Thank you gratefully for your support and encouragement 🙂

I am logging in then out again as I wanted to quickly capture a thought before I lose it again...

I don't think music is my "happy place" but it's not my "sad place" either- it's my everything place. It doesn't tell me to cheer up when I'm sad, and it doesn't bring me down when I'm happy. Music just lets me "be"...it's the full spectrum of human emotions as far as I'm concerned. Some people have other people holding their hand- music holds mine...

It's in sync with my emotions and state of mind, and that's very rare to find elsewhere. Moment by moment, it acts as a mirror to reflect my emotions back to me...

With love,

Pepper xoxo 💗

Number 2 is called three sphinxes of bikini 1947

(Yes im determined to find thosenames! )

Hey guys,

I am so tired. Mornings are the worst for me. I would quite happily lie in bed all day today alas I've a long day ahead of me.

Feeling sad again. I'm sure there are other emotions simmering away but as sad is the dominant one, it's the one that I tend to mention. Plus it's also me being vague on purpose as I don't always want to get into the details...so I just say "sad" because it's easier as there's less to explain...

Anyways...

Nath- oh I'm so sorry about your cat...poor cat. Have you managed to get him/her to the vet?

It must make things twice as hard not to have your best friend to share your troubles and to simply listen and be there for you. I know you miss her...

Butterfly (SN)- I agree! Janis Joplin sings with such power and raw emotion. I love the growl in her voice...

Cool, thanks heaps for taking the time to look up the names. I'm glad you have taken to Dali- he did some incredible stuff!!!

Love,

Pepper xoxo