Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Aw guys,

Sara- still waiting for that earlier post to appear. I'm pretty sure that I did post it or did I? I don't even know anymore. Lol.

The essence of it was a thank you message about how you're supporting me despite all that you're going through. I'm very grateful and fortunate, and if anything, you have made me a better person. Grateful heart here 💞

Quirky- it made me smile that you can relate from a) to e). Thank you. I suspect those are some of the most common feelings people experience when they/we post. It's hard putting oneself out there whether it's to the extent that Sara does or to a lesser extent than her.

Vulnerability is difficult.

That's why I always insist that vulnerability is bravery. In some ways, I personally believe it's harder to be vulnerable than it is to be "strong" sometimes. Don't get me wrong, we need both strength and vulnerability.

But I feel that vulnerability makes not only ourselves feel uncomfortable, it challenges those around us too. I think we get knocked off our pedestal in those moments; we are forced to confront ourselves when either we or someone we love is hurting.

Hopefully, Sara (waves) feels our love and support (and admiration) on her thread.

Loving thoughts to all,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. Quirky, thanks for signing off with a "xx"...no idea if it was intentional or not (you don't need to tell me) but I know you don't sign off every post like that so it means a lot that you did.

[Peppermintbach]

Musing of the day:

I don't expect everyone to share the same views and I'm not here to debate but I'm expressing my own subjective thoughts.

How do I articulate this? Hmmm...

I think sometimes when people bare their darkest thoughts, one of the most difficult things to do is to sit with them in their moment of pain and hurt without wanting to jump in and advise or "rescue" them from their demons.

People have to fight their own fights. The best we can do is walk with them. Hug, listen, suggest. Fight with but not for them.

Sitting with others' pain is a really big test. I don't mean feeling sorry for other people but really being with them in that moment. Not saving and not advising but saying "I hear you" in the truest sense of the word. Levelling with them. Validation. Listening.

The suggestions and advice can come later but in the moment hear them first. That's something that I'm still learning to do on and offline, and sometimes fail at it...sometimes I panic when people I love are hurting.

I'm not talking about advice versus empathy; that's not what I'm getting at here. I hope I'm making sense. Anyway, I have been far too chatty today. Lol.

Loving thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[quirkywords]

Pepper

Sitting with some one in pain on and offline is tricky. Some people just want to be validated and have a hand to hold while others want people to help them .I think being listened to is the most important thing most people want because often we fear and feel no one is listening everyone is advising.

A thoughtful post , Pepper, thanks. Never too chatty always caring.

I send a lot of emails to businesses etc and once after sending emails to my children I put xx at end of an email to a person who sells flags!! I was so embarrassed but it was not mentioned again!!

Quirky xx

[Just Sara]

Good afternoon Pepper;

It's a very cold day here atm, 4 deg's and snowing here and there; catch-up and salutations lovely. 🙂 (You too Quirky!)

You know, we're so different in many ways, yet we seek similar outcomes - aim to improve our lives and help each other do the same.

Quirky's right when she says, 'we just want to be heard'. I know you say this scares you, but there would've been a time when that was true for you as well. Or, maybe we want to be heard saying different things.

I share my world on BB because I can in safety; I'm heard, acknowledged, supported and validated. I had 3 sisters to compete with for any semblance of love in our home growing up, so all this attention makes my cheeks pink. And, it helps others...

Although my invisibility wounded me, yours seems a place of comfort/safety. That's not a bad thing of course, it kept you away from negative influences, probably still does. Sharing as you have gave me insight into your silence, this excited me to see the light in you.

'I'm in a calmer state of mind, and moreover, I have a newfound lease on life. A newfound lease to live really well'

However, embarrassing you as I did wasn't asked for or required; I jumped in without notice. I apologise sincerely Pepper. I could've been more patient and gentle.

I guess the point I was trying to make, (in my OMG! she's done it!!!! kinda way) was that you poked your head out to voice your positive feelings. Even though 4 hrs later you came down from that cloud, it told me you're feeling safer to do so. Then I blew it...

So, I hope I haven't frightened you off giving your voice a safe place hun.

Loving thoughts;

Sez xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Aw guys...

Quirky- I completely agree with you that listening and making people feel heard is the single most important thing.

Speaking of which, you are an AMAZING listener on the forums. I think you pay attention and make people feel heard. My only concern is I sometimes feel we don't always reciprocate as well as you deserve; I wonder if you feel your voice is heard.

Your story made me chuckle 😉

Love,

Pepper xo

Sara- whoa, that's some frosty weather. Rug up and keep warm, my friend!

There is no need to apologise. I appreciate why you felt the need to say sorry but you have done nothing wrong. You haven't frightened me off or "blow(n) it" so all is good. I know it was a reflection of your care, love and excitement. I hope this quote reassures you a little:

You never lose by loving. You lose by holding back.

- Barbara De Angelia

Wow, that's very insightful. I hadn't quite looked at it that way before. Thank you greatly. Yeah, I think you're right about how my perceived "invisibility" is my comfort zone. You had to "fight" to be heard and to have a voice. Whereas my coping mechanism was to stick my head in the sand and let out a muffled scream of "I can't hear you!"

As for my embarrassment. I'll get over it; I'm already mostly over it now. I only mentioned it because I though while you were being frank about your thoughts, I would be frank about my feelings too. Don't worry about it, I'm not upset. Besides, as you and Quirky have said, we all get a little embarrassed at times.

Oh wow, I have to admit that I'm slightly amused by how all our "attention" (as you phrased it) makes you blush. Lol. Sara, it's less about us giving you "attention" and more about how we love you loads 💞 To the moon and back again...

Yes, it helps a lot of people. So many of us gain from your thread (including me). You even have a cheer captain called Wilma 🙂

Love you as much as the arts,

Pepper xoxo

[quirkywords]

Pepper

I have a deal for you- if I accept the kind words you say about me you will accept the king words other say about you - deal ?

Your replies to Sara and your posts on creative thread are incredible compassionate and moving. Your advise is always welcome and helpful.

Quirky

[Just Sara]

Dearest Quirky;

Deal! lol

I know that was for Pepper, but it sounds good to me. It does take time to accept compliments from others though, I still close my eyes and sigh when it happens occasionally.

I am getting used to it and even revelling in it though. Does that sound conceited? I hope not. See; it still gets to me.

It's important to be able to accept 'gold' from others, but giving gold to ourselves is important too. Remember when we all wrote lists of our great qualities on the 'Loving yourself' thread? Nice...

Toot the beaut flute instead of staying mute! Ha! I just made that up. Giggle...

Love;

Sez xoxo (loving all your x/o's on BB too!)

[Just Sara]

Hey lovely Pepper;

Thankyou for your last words to me. I took it all in with a sigh of relief. Isn't it wonderful that as friends we can be so honest and open? BB sure is a great space, but without great people, it wouldn't be as comfortable or nice.

Because I don't have friends in the normal sense of the word offline, meeting up in safety here's a plus. It's teaching me about relationships, especially those that've failed in the past. More about me I suppose re my role in friendships.

Yes, we grow and learn. Participating does have benefits, though fear of betrayal and hurt doesn't quite disintegrate over time. I wish it did. That's another reason I'm here making hay with you all. 😄

Anyway, my sis is coming over for dinner and I want to get a start on things. Wish you both were here to join in...

Sez xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

You cheeky, clever person! Lol. I definitely was not expecting that one...I will offer a counter deal. I will accept 1 compliment in exchange for you accepting 1 compliment too 😉 But I like to think you have agreed to Sara's deal already mwahahaha

I will accept your comments on the 19th on this thread, thank you 🙂 So if you will accept by compliment about your AMAZING listening skills in return, that's a deal.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sez,

Firstly, a big squeezy virtual hug from me to you. You sound as thought you're feeling lonely so I wanted to start off with a hug. I 100 % realise it's not comparable to a physical, live hug but it's my way of saying that I care about you very much.

I know you have been hurt a lot in your past relationships. Gentle and easy does it, I guess. Baby steps. You're gently poking your head out, observing and learning, and that is amazing progress in itself. I think relationships are, to an extent, trial and error after all 😉

And it's all good. Sometimes we broach confronting topics with each other. Occasionally we are even on different pages. But that's okay because what I do understand is, at the end of the day, we are friends and any comments on either side come from a place of love and concern 🙂

Any relationship has its moments of confusion and the like. I'm not going to stop talking or shut you out because of a comment here and there, and especially when it was as heartfelt and passionate as yours. So we are all good as far as I'm concerned 💞

Love you; to the moon and back again (and as much as the arts).

Pepper xoxo