Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend, beautiful b (and a wave to all),

I’m holding my hand out to you. Would you like to share anything about what has been going?

You sound very down and drained at the moment. I’m here listening, but I also understand if you want to sort things out yourself/let the cycle run its course or simply don’t need or want to talk about it right this minute. That’s all of course okay too.

Whatever you need...I’m sitting quietly beside you & thinking about you...you have a friend in me is what I’m trying to say.

Thankfully, I have the weekend to myself this week. A welcome change 🙂

The art thing was good last week. It helped a lot in terms of coping with my own emotions, so I’m very grateful that I went.

The week has gone by very quickly. It has been a rough week, but I’ve survived so many other ones...this is unfortunately just another one to get through.

I think it’s very caring & wise that you check in with your parents about their plans for the future. It’s good to have those types of conversations, difficult as they may be...

It made me feel really sad to hear about your worries for the future though. It must be scary to feel as though you don’t have a security blanket/safety net in years to come..

Lovely friend, your little community sounds like a great idea. I know you were all joking, but I also think it wasn’t a complete “joke.” I actually think something like that could work beautifully. Seriously.

We have a concept in many Asian cultures called “filial piety.” In many ways, things are changing because a lot of other cultural ideals are influencing/re-shaping what that means.

But at its core, it’s about offspring’s “duty” to our parents. But in some cases that extends to other older relatives too, such as aunts, uncles, godparents, etc. That is especially the case if they don’t have children, their own children passed away or if their children live far away. But the extent that it’s executed does vary between individuals & between families....

Traditionally, an important part of that duty is taking care of our elderly relatives. For that reason, nursing homes/aged care facilities are rare in my extended family’s countries of birth.

I haven’t been getting into the choreography yet. Maybe later on, but not just yet...I’ll let you know how it goes, my friend...

Will you be doing anything relaxing or making some time for self care to nurture your beautiful self this weekend?

Thinking of you.

With warmth, love and care xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy, Sweety Tweety..waves Deebi..and everyone..🤗..

I love the sound of your little community Birdie...Everyone looking out for everyone else...and living in peace and unison with some animals...self sufficient...It’s really a beautiful dream Birdy....

Peppy...I’m pleased you had the weekend off work and had the two days for yourself to do what you desired to do.....I hope you really enjoyed them...and made time for you to do something special you wanted to do...for you...

I think it’s beautiful the way different cultures look after their elderly parents, aunts,uncles, etc...It shows so much love and care within the family unit towards each other...I wish everyone would love their family members enough to not put them into a nursing home or aged care unit...

Please take care of yourselves and be as gentle and kind to yourselves the way you would be towards each other...and your friends...

Kind thoughts..with love and warm comforting hugs..💜🤗..

Grandy....

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

How lovely is it to see you here. Thank you so much for visiting. I love seeing those angel wings 🙂

Yes, it was nice to have the weekend off. Technically, I am meant to have weekends off work, but in practice, that just doesn’t always happen.

I spent a day continuing to read about resilience, as that’s one of my recent fixations. Then I spent the other day with some of the new people in my life, which was nice.

Yes, I agree that it’s interesting to learn about cultural similarities and differences. I think growing up in multiple cultures can give you an interesting perspective on things; a dual perspective of sorts.

I suppose, as with all cultures, there are always pros and cons. Asian cultures tend to be more collectivist, as opposed to individualistic. So ideals, such as group harmony and putting the needs of the group (e.g. family and sometimes even the community) ahead of your own needs is considered very important.

I try to adopt elements of both western and eastern ideals, but sometimes I do feel inner conflict. I suppose that’s a common struggle for us second generation Australians.

I hope you have a lovely day, Grandy. Thank you again for your kind words of support.

Love and care to you, angel wings xoxo

[Birdy77]

Hello friend ❤ hi Grandy 🤗

I'm so pleased to hear that you had the weekend to do as you liked - and that you spent some time reading and also caught up with some of your new friends. Sounds like a good mix.

I am sorry to hear you had another rough week though my friend. I am always listening if you'd like to talk about anything.

It's good that you often seem to have things planned around the end of the week to look forward to or to help sort through the difficulties of the week, like the art things and other things you attend. It sounds like a healthy strategy.

I'd love to hear about the choreography when yiu get into it, and any other things you get up to.

I like the respect that filial piety is based on. Disregard for the elderly is way too common.

I do feel a sense of fear for the future, especially not having children of my own - a little community like i mentioned would be ideal in a lot of ways, and i agree that it can definitely work beautifully. Maybe one day it will become a reality, who knows.

I had a nice weekend, didn't do much, revamped a section of veg patch, planted some seeds (silverbeet, beetroot, carrot), planted out some seedlings of zucchini, watched the corn and the asparagus grow before my very eyes! Chilled on the back deck with mrs b and the boys, that kind of thing.

I hope you have a better week coming up my friend - i do worry about you having such a rough time so often.

Thinking of you.

🌻b xo

Hugs to Grandy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

I’m very happy to hear that you spent a relaxing weekend with your gorgeous family: mrs b & your boys. Quality family time 🙂

It must have been very special to watch the corn & asparagus grow. I think you’re going to have a very colourful garden. I love hearing about your gardening progress, as I know how much peace and joy that brings you.

I hope your little community, or something similar, becomes a reality for you. That would be something very special, and how magical would it be for your to be self sustaining...I recall that’s one of your long-term goals 😉

Thank you, I think filial piety has its pros & cons (as with almost all things in life). But that’s a bit long winded to explain, so I’ll leave that one be.

Thank you so very much for making time for me & for caring, lovely friend. Sadly, it’s just one of those situations where nothing can be done in a practical sense...but that’s okay, life is hard for everyone (not just me).

Although, I figure if I can turn my pain into something meaningful (I’m not sure what yet and I don’t necessarily mean the arts either), that would help.

Was it the world renowned psychologist & holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl, who once said that if we have a “why”, we can bear almost any “how”? I think it was him. Wise man.

So I just need to figure out my “why?”or maybe I need to trial/experiment to figure out my “why.” Sometimes I wish the “answer” would magically appear before my eyes, but that’s just not how it works. I have to figure it out myself, because only I can answer that for myself...

Do you have plans for the week? Family adventures? Gardening plans? I always love to hear about how things are going in your life, dear friend.

Thank you for your friendship 🙂

Much love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Howdy Friend ❤

I understand, some things just "are", and you don't necessarily feel like talking about them. I get it completely. But i am always listening if you ever feel like talking about any thing, big or little, that's going on in your life.

Yes, to find meaning amongst the difficulties and struggles of our life can give us a reason for enduring them. Awesome quote by an inspiring man. You will find your why, or your whys, even if they change a hundred times during your life.

I can imagine filial piety would have its fair share of cons as well as pros! I'm sure you probably have plenty of examples, and feel free to muse if you want to.

I reckon we might have recently been dealing with an example of a con (although a different culture, being south american, i feel it might be a little similar in some ways) with a substantial debt that mrs b's mother left behind.

For decades, she would send money "back home" to siblings, aunts, uncles, at the expense of mrs b and her sister's upbringing (her family of origin before her offspring). I understand this concept, and she was brought up to feel this was the right thing to do.

Meanwhile, she put mrs b last in a lot of ways during mrs b's formative years, especially when golden boy came along.

But who has to deal with the debt that has been racked up from the loans taken out to "send home " all this time? We do! But we're end of the line, have no contact with these people etc. Annoying!

Anyway, i wonder if you feel that this might kind of relate?

I bought a crepe myrtle to plant in the front yard, so I'm hoping to pop that in some time this week and start a new garden bed out there, but it's really hot and very windy here, so it won't be today. I have just finished creating a little courtyard on the south side of the house, which I'm really happy with, it is now a really nice place to sit as there's an old magnolia tree there and it's cool and shady.

That's about the extent of my exciting news for now.

I hope you have had a good day today, and can relax a bit this evening, do you have any plans this week for events or socialising?

Love,

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you, as always, for your caring & supportive words. Thank you for making time for me. I’m very blessed by your friendship 🙂

I agree that filial piety is both a beautiful, but loaded & heavy concept. It really just depends on the family & context, I suppose...

It sounds as though mrs b was sidelined & chosen last a lot growing up. I imagine that would have hurt your beloved a lot. But now she has you, as you have her, & that’s very special 😉

I would think maybe there would have even been some (understandable) feelings of resentment & bitterness, mixed with grief & loss towards her mum. A painful combination of feelings, but human & real....

Not that I know much about South American culture, but I take it that family of origin is very important? In that sense, you’re right, it’s similar to many eastern cultures in that respect..

Her mum’s debt sounds very stressful for you & mrs b to have to pay off. That’s a very heavy burden. I can sense your justifiable & understandable feelings of injustice, resentment & anger...maybe it’s almost like paying off a stranger’s debt. Very frustrating...

I think, for me, it’s that feeling of inner conflict that I struggle with. Being torn between multiple ways of thinking at times..

A sense of loyalty/duty towards the older family members sometimes clashes with my tendency to analyse & reflect. So I pick my battles. I let some things slide, & only stand my ground on issues that I truly believe in. But that of course always results in me hearing a long sermon about filial piety.

Group harmony or individual needs? Prioritising the group or prioritising the self? I think neither is better or worse; it’s just a matter of perspective...individualism & collectivism, & even within each, it’s a continuum. Degrees, not absolutes, in my opinion

It has been a rough day, but I’ve survived it 😉 I wanted to burst into tears at work, but held back. I might have a little cry tonight...

I’ll be going out for dinner later this week, & working on the project with Community Guy & everyone else 🙂

I can just picture your courtyard, & it will be particularly wonderful during the summer months. A place for the whole family to make cherished memories 🙂

I think your myrtle & garden bed will be stunning additions. Your garden is going to look spectacular!

How has your mood been this week & let me know about any future home/garden upgrades?

Thinking of you...

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello my friend ❤

I am just letting you know that i am here for you, sitting with you, always listening if you want to talk, sitting in support if you don't.

I am so sorry you've been having rough days.

Has there been any light shining through? How was your dinner/project organising with your new friends this week?

I hope you have the weekend to rest and take care of yourself.

I am here.

With love,

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you for being here for me. That really means a lot for you to make time to check on me, & to offer to sit and/or listen...what a blessing is your friendship 🙂

Sadly, some things/circumstances can’t be changed. There are things that can’t be undone, which leaves a heavy feeling.

There are things that I wish that could be different, but literally cannot be changed...such is life sometimes, my friend...

But what I can change & what I have the power to work on is myself. Not because anyone else is telling me to “change” this time, but because I want to...I suppose maybe the light is, if nothing else, I have some control over my own life.

Sometimes I think it’s easy to point the finger & accuse others of various things, & while all that might be justified, I feel it can be very hypocritical if I don’t also take a good, hard look at myself in the mirror. Not in a self critical way, but in a realistic way...a growth mindset.

Perhaps the following quotes sum it up better than I ever could:

Real growth is when you start checking and correcting yourself. Instead of blaming others, you take your power back by being responsible for your own life.

- unknown

Emotional maturity is understanding you have some toxic traits too. It’s not always the other person.

- unknown

I‘m trying to be a better person these days...Is it working very well? Debatable, but I’m trying in my own mediocre & sometimes ineffective way...

I really enjoyed the dinner, thank you. The food was decent, loved the drinks, but perhaps most importantly, I valued the company. One of our friends couldn’t make it, & to my surprise, I actually genuinely missed her presence.

That speaks volumes. In the past, in my old circles, I almost never missed friends (because they were my Space Fillers & Void Fillers). What a difference discernment makes...

Things are moving slowly with the community project. We will get there though...good news is Community Guy is doing a bit better these days, so he will be more involved soon 🙂

I feel as though I’m constantly talking about me though...I imagine, amongst many things/struggles, your mil’s debt has been causing considerable stress.

How are you feeling these days?

How is your weekend going?

If you don’t wish to answer, that’s okay. I understand & respect that, but just know you have a friend in me who cares. I’m thinking of you and your gorgeous family & sending warmth 🙂

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend ❤

I am so pleased to hear how much you enjoyed dinner with your new friends, & so wonderful that you genuinely missed the friend who couldn't come (you know what i mean by that). So nice to have made this connection and miss her as a person, nit just missing the social interaction for its own sake. Will you catch up again this week?

It sounds like there's some really hard stuff going/gone on in your world, & I'm really sorry for that. So healthy and awesome for you to be using your experiences for your growth though. I love that about you, you are always so reflective about things that are going on, be it in your immediate life or the world at large.

Definitely toxic dynamics and relationships can be very revealing about our own issues & shortcomings, they can be excellent lessons (but painful), if we're open to our own growth, which you clearly are. Go gently with it.

I'm glad you're talking about your stuff - this is your space after all my friend!

With mil's debt, we are not actually paying that off, we were going to but with some major issues going on with golden boy, we were worried he would get his hands on his father's $$ if we paid the debt. So we just rearranged fil's finances & fil is paying it off gradually in a way that golden boy can't leech off him. Big probs there, he's in police custody actually. Fun times!

I wanted to mention something about the irony of "the importance of family of origin" but another time cos i think i might run out of space. I always seem to have a backlog of things to chat with you about!

My weekend is going quietly - i had a day of taking things really easy yesterday, read a book, went for a nice walk, then we watched a movie with dinner (The Color Purple). Today I've been working in the garden this morning, just relaxing after brunch now, then back to it and maybe a trip to the beach this evening.

I hope you are having a relaxing weekend & unwinding a bit.

With love ❤

🌻b xo