Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Ggrand]

Hello Gentle Peppy..🍀..

I was saddened shen I read your last post...I’m deeply sorry your struggling so much.....

Peppy I feel the same about problems being always with us throughout our lives...It is how we handle them the best we can...People with mh I feel have a harder task ahead of us trying the best we can to carry our mh the best way we can..and Peppy sweety that’s all we can do...is to try our best...We are always going to have really bad down days as well as really great days...It’s on the good days were have to try to focus our hearts on..and the bad days let the memories disappear with the sun set...

I want to thank you here as well as I will on mine for your beautiful post to me...You made me feel loved and cared for.,you are such a beautiful and special person Peppy..believe in yourself sweety and the beauty you hold in your heart..You’re an amazing person..💜...Please be very gentle on yourself...

Sending you lots of love and carding hugs..💜..🐻🤗..

P...Peppy one of a kind....A gentle and beautiful person with a heart that’s pure gold..

🍀Grandy...🍀🍫🌷..

[demonblaster]

Lovely Peppystar and other loves 🤗

Thanks always lovey for your beautiful words and appreciation ⚘

It is sad seeing such a genuine lovely caring person struggling so much. Not fair Peppy 🤗

I'm not expecting an answer to this next comment. I wonder that in your childhood you had some grief over your heritage that causes you a lot of division within yourself. Sweety you are you, you're unique, there's only one person in the world like you. Beautiful kind caring soul that should be happy it's the mutts in this world who cause grief that can have the sads.

It seems you're a thinker my lovely which I really don't know if we can achieve peace without thought. I hope you're getting time for your art in your weeks, I know you get pleasure out of that 🎨🖼

Ummm did you get your flask of Pumpkin soup that darling Grandy was going to leave at your warehouse door, see I'm getting a little too thin due to lack of 🍫 and have been so patiently 😡 waiting for my 🚚 load.

I do think about you quite often lovely friend and hope you're well both ways mentally and physically ☺.

Now what I really have been patient with is something good about yourself lovely, there really is lots of things hun it won't be that hard I promise you 🤗 and the better you feel about yourself with good reasons is a start to peace and happiness my friend.

Always give your best to yourself Peppy you're so deserving 💗☘⚘🍫oops soz that's mine 😲 see how my mouths ready 😄

Love friendship and care darl 🤗 umm that was 4 hugs... 🗯 🤔wonder if I'd get 4 extra 🍫 for those.

Hey our gorgeous very loved and appreciated Tweety 🐥 as well ☺

I'm very sorry you've been having a hard time of it too darlin. I was missing you truly, noticed it'd been quite a while since I saw a feather floating around. Really hope it's all still getting back on the up lovely friend. Often that's the way we hit bottom then work our way up. Love and care very much about you sweetheart you're a real gem 🤗💗🍃🌱

Go easy beautiful people we deserve peace 🕊

🐧 cute or what

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend,

I wrote you a big reply, but then decided it was a huge load of nonsense so I deleted it! I might still send it, depending on my mood later, but I wanted to write to you to say that I am listening to you, and when/if you feel like talking about anything, I'm here.

I think I understand what you mean about feeling tired - it's exhausting when you are trying to integrate changes and new ways of being into your life. Feeling like you need to explain yourself and why you want to change can be tiring in itself, it feels extra hard when so much around you feels like it stays the same, sometimes trying to hold you back. Like you are trying to move forward through marshes of thick mud, rather than the clear springwater that would bubble you along to fresh parts of the stream of your life.

When you say you are over it, I hope you don't feel totally disheartened, or discouraged, or not so much that you feel like giving in anyway. Please feel free to talk about things if it will help, I would love to talk through stuff with you, or to at least listen and encourage if you just need to let it out.

For now, I would also like to remind you to have a smidgen of patience with yourself, and please don't be hard on yourself and burnout. Deep, lasting change does not happen instantaneously. It is slow and steady growth that ends up being strong. This will sound corny, but I'm gonna say it anyway: I have been observing some young citrus trees I planted about a year ago. One has lately sent out this enormously rapidly growing branch ... it has grown so quickly it can't hold itself up, and droops with the weight of its leaves, so I have had to provide supports for it. The other branches have grown more slowly, but can hold their own weight. True story.

Much love for now,

🌻birdy xo

Grandy, your beautiful present is deeply appreciated - remember your inner strength as well, your reserves go deep. You are such an incredibly thoughtful, kind and gentle lady, it is a privilege to know you.

Deebs, thank you as always, you are one awesome person, and I am always awed by your huge and generous heart. I am sorry to have not been floating many feathers around lately, but will be venturing out of my nest a bit more. Thank you for your love and care and beautiful words.

xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

Gorgeous Grandy: thank you so much for being here in your heartfelt and deeply caring way. Your hugs and love are gratefully accepted and reciprocated.

I agree with you that we can simply try our best. Thank you for the gentle reminder...

I don’t think I’m very good at being gentle with myself, but thank you for the caring nudge. I’m definitely more likely to impose a tough love approach towards myself.

Warm hugs, love and care xoxo

Wonderful DB: thank you to you too 🙂 Your presence here is appreciated very much...

Yes, I’m still thinking about my heritage and what that means to me. Thank you for your thoughtful insight/gentle nudge...it did hit a nerve though perhaps not in the way you may expect. It’s hard to explain...

Pumpkin soup happily received. It was delicious! Lol. Always trying to get free choccie bars from me. Okay, okay...you can have 4 choccie bars for the 4 hugs 😉

Super soul hugs and much love xoxo

beautiful birdy/dear friend: Thank you so much for the very loving and thoughtful analogy. Moreover, thank you for being here and for your friendships, especially when I know you’re struggling.

Yes, I know the analogy was based on a true story 😉 As you already know, patience is something that I find really difficult, dear friend...

I have a fear of pausing/slowing down, because I worry it will stop me from reaching my goals. Also, I would feel as though I’m making up petty excuses to not push myself...

I’m surrounded by accomplished people, and it makes me question if I’m working hard enough, committed enough, using my time wisely, etc, etc. While they do have natural talent and intelligence, there’s also a lot of long hours and sacrificed sleep and weekends...so it makes it hard for me to justify pausing, etc. On the rare occasion that I take it easy/slow down, the guilt ends up being great.

As much as I go on about other people being gentle to themselves,
I have an entirely different set of standards and “rules” for myself. It’s definitely more of a stick than carrot approach...anything less and I feel as though I’m being lazy, shirking my responsibilities or selfish.

I don’t believe that I have the right to be kinder to myself till I’m a better person, and I’m nowhere near there. It’s a privilege and not a right...

I would love to read what you had deleted. Thank you, as always, for being here and for your wisdom and for always listening, my friend. I truly do cherish your friendship....

Much love to you xoxox

[Ggrand]

Dearest Gentle Peppy🍀 waves to Deebi, Birdy and all🤗..

Awe sweety.....I wish I could give you a huge cuddle for real..You sound really hard on yourself, yet your gentle nature here shines like the golden soul you carry in your body....

Pausing or slowing down..giving yourself time to breathe and relax..I feel is needed in order to reach your goals, it gives you some strength and more ideas how to be or where you want to be in your career...instead of full speed ahead and pushing yourself too much which only causes burn out and dissapointment in yourself...💜🍀..

Peppy...You shouldn’t feel guilty over giving yourself time to relax, everyone’s needs to have time for self care, to look after themselves...The guilt you feel is not right sweety...You deserve to relax and have time out.🤗...

There are always people who are more accomplished then the next person and the next so on and so on...I don’t know what your career is, but I’ll gentle remind you that you wouldn’t be were you are working with these people If you weren’t accomplished in your work...Please Peppy take time to step back and see this for yourself....recognise your own accomplishments as your bosses and work colleagues do...

Im the same as I’m quite sure a lot of us here are..telling others to be gentle and kind to ourselves when we are not doing the same for ourselves....being gentle and kind to you is so very important...Take a longer shower, sit in the sun each day for a while, have that yummy cake with your cuppa, enjoy a night out with friends, sit at home and relax, sleep in on the week ends....do what you feel to do sweet lady, be gentle and kind to you is not a privilege sweetheart...please never think that... because it’s a necessity dear Peppy to balance your life between work and you🤗..

Your a beautiful, gentle, caring, compassionate person to others here and r/l...please be the same towards you also...You definitely deserve nothing less...Deebi asks you for you to give her a good about you...I know so many goods about you dear Peppy...The ones I’ve just described is only a start, there’s so many more...look into your heart and see the beautiful soul you have, that’s how I/we see you..Your soul is gold Peppy and nothing less..

Big love and as many soul hugs as you need 💜💜💕🤗🤗🤗🤗🍀..gentle friend..

🍀Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Birdy...

I ran out of room...sometimes I talk to much 😂...I also wanted to know how your feeling?..and hope your feeling better then your yesterday’s....and that you are being kind and gentle to yourself....you’re such a beautiful, caring person Sweety Tweety and I wanted to let you know that..

Today is a beautiful day where I am, sun shining, no clouds 19 degrees.....I hope it’s the same where you are..if it is...why not sit outside in the sunshine and have some nice refreshing fruit juice..oh..and some bread so you can just leasurely throw some pieces to your chickens and sit back and watch them enjoying themselves and hopefully they will give you a few 😂 to bring some beautiful smiles 😁 to your beautiful soul....You’re an amazing person Birdy.....💜🤗..

Love and hugs dear friend..💜💜🤗🤗...

Grandy...

Awe Peppy I’m sorry I kind of hijacked your thread...I know Birdy is holding your hand and listens here....I hope it was okay Peppy...

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend,

Seriously, please forgive the following. It honestly comes with so much love and concern, my head is just a mess right now. ...

I could not read your post without thinking, "imagine if I was writing what Pepper is writing ... and imagine what she would say to me in response?" (You would say a bunch of wise things about being kind to myself because I deserve kindness and that being treated gently is not a privilege but a right. Correct?) ... and I was going to try and be clever and rewrite it all back to you in my own words and ask you to respond as if it was to me (if that in any way makes sense), but it all got too confusing (and just reading that paragraph back to myself gave me a headache!!).

Of course what Grandy has said to you is absolutely true. Please re-read her message. As many times as you need to, until you hear it.

But I also, of course, do totally understand what you are saying.

I was wondering about the feeling that you get around the people you described that surround you. Eg, they might be very successful on their path, and they make many sacrifices and dedicate much of their time to what they do.

But do their values match yours?

I only ask because I have had the experience of being around such people. High powered, hugely successful, incredibly wealthy ... those kinds of things. And I always found myself (still do) comparing myself to them and their lifestyles and successes. I am still conflicted, because I have chosen a very different path to these people (friends of mine), and I have the tendency to look at myself as a failure, sometimes, compared to them.

But when it comes down to it, it is not always fair to compare myself to them. . These people have not had to contend with anxiety or depression, their mental health is not something that has held them back or constrained them or compelled them to take different paths for the sake of staying alive. Things like this (so sorry for ineloquence) .

On top of that: my ideals are different to their ideals and my lifestyle reflects this.

I know that the culture in which you were raised plays a part in the feeling you have of must-keep-going no matter what, and must-strive-always, no matter how you feel inside, and the guilt that builds when you take take time for yourself.

I'm not really hitting the point that I wanted to make ... please forgive me, my head and heart are a bit of a wreck at the moment, and it's more difficult than usual to say just what I mean.

I guess I would be interested to know if you share ideals, ethics, dreams, ideologies as the people around you? And if not, then it might make sense to diverge from their methodology and put into practice how you want your future to unfold. Maybe sacrificing weekends and dedicating long hours works for them and their life-goals - but does it work for yours?

I don't know my friend, this is, I'm pretty sure, a load of rubbish post, I'm really struggling to find the words , but I am sending this with the hope that it makes a bit of sense, and that it reaches you in the spirit of total love with which I have sent it.

And still without having quite said what I wanted to say, this comes with much love,

🌻birdy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

Thank you so much for the very caring and post. I’ll gladly accept that hug, lovely one...

Sorry, I feel as though I wasn’t very clear. I wasn’t necessarily referring to my career. That is an aspect of it, but not the complete picture in terms of my goals...

I do have certain expectations of myself. I expect and demand a lot from myself. If I reach some sort of personal goal, I quickly aim even higher...it’s this continuous process...If I don’t succeed, and it’s important to me, I get pretty angry and disappointed in me...

It’s hard for me to do all those lovely things you suggested. Maybe 1-2 here and there might be okay, but any more and I start feeling the guilt...

But what I wanted to say most of all was thank you for being here. Thank you for being so gentle and caring. Every post you write comes straight from your heart...it really shows. You have the purest heart...

Love and care xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: here, take my hand...you sound so exhausted, shaken & sad...

There is nothing to apologise for or for me to “forgive.” I understand all you said was from a place of love...nothing “rubbish” about it at all, but nurturing offerings....

Gentle she goes, birdy...we love you just as you are...

Sorry, I wasn’t very clear...I wasn’t referring to money or power. It was more about passion, commitment, dedication and grit...

As for culture, you’re right, “duty” was an enormous part of my upbringing. It’s the norm.

How I wish you could see yourself through our lens...to see the beautiful, deeply caring, intelligent, insightful & kind person you are, regardless of what path you have or haven’t walked...

I know it’s hard not to compare, especially when wealth & power is the currency of success, & perhaps because of your dad. But the high powered have problems too; perhaps they want to maintain a certain image, so it stops them from being open?

Regardless, I hear your self doubt. I know it’s hard not to compare, but your mrs b fell in love with the kind & insightful birdy, not birdy, the rich executive.

We love the animal loving, vegan food cooking, home DIY queen and gardening extraordinaire. I’m saying, social expectations aside, you are perfect just as you are. Don’t go changing a thing, okay? 😉

If you ever want to chat or vent here, but no rush, obligation or pressure, I welcome you with open arms. I’m always listening...here or elsewhere...we want to be here for you....

Love from me xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppily...

Thank you for such beautiful words you spoke to me...Your heart is gold Peppy ..Please don’t forget that..ever..🤗💜🍀

Ive been thinking about your post...I’ll,probably get it wrong again🤗.. sometimes it’s hard for me to understand what I’m reading..At times my mind doesn’t work properly..
Peppily...I hope deeply in my heart that my words come out right and don’t hurt you in any way...You mean a lot to me dear friend.....I know you have succeeded in many ways in your life...your putting your heart and soul into everything you do..and I really hope that your dreams come true for you.

Please can you try really hard not to make yourself a slave to your expectations, Its so easy to let them rob you of your happiness..I mean when you do achieve something..,it sounds to me that it will never be good enough for you because you’ll try to make that achievement grow by more hard work and dedicate your time to continue achieving more and more...Loosing your happiness along the way.

Some people will continue to climb higher and higher trying to reach the top of the mountain to reach the goals they set for themselves...but sweety their is alway going to be a higher mountain...and each mountain your trying to climb will more likely add to your anxiety...and depression...
I believe that you should fight to meet your expectation but you shouldn’t base your personal satisfaction and happiness on them....You know Peppy, It’s okay darling if you don’t reach your goals..sometimes life throws curve balls at us, and for some reason or another life might not go to your plans...Dont stop working toward the goals you’ve set for yourself..but you need to try to be accepting of you and try to be happy along the way...enjoy life along the way..

We all need a goal and a dream to keep us motivated and to push ourselves to be the best person we can....I think thats a little bit about what life is ...but it’s not what all of what life should be....happiness with ourselves should be the bigger part of life We should do things because we love doing them, and enjoy doing them..

Life is about being happy inside your heart and soul while your working to be where you want to be....not by placing happiness on achieving your goals....You should have happiness along the way in your progress, as well as in your daily life....Life is a precious gift..and definitely should include happiness along your journey in life..

Love and hugs Dearest Peppy..💜🤗.

Grandy..l...

[demonblaster]

Peppystar our beautiful friend 💟 Grandy 💜 Tweety 🐣and all ☺
Darlin I've given your post so much thought which is why it's taken me longer to land here and going to re read

Honestly our beautiful Tweety and Grandy have done amazing posts I'm not sure I can add much.
A lot resonates with me hun so I have some understanding.

Not being a career driven person or a high achiever although a distinction in nursing was I guess, I can maybe throw a spin from that angle.

I hope this isn't too soon to work on that nerve honestly I don't want to annoy you but I do feel that a lot of how you feel would be not as much from under achieving more low self esteem compliments of beasty although I can see how as has been mentioned your heritage seems to be a contributor. Ahh Peppy darlin 🤗

I as we all really want to see you happy. I feel if you can build on liking yourself more confidence grows which potentially apart from feeling happier it may not bother you as much at work because you'd feel more content in yourself and worth which we all see and love you. That speaks volumes hun 🙂

It's sad Peppily hearing you so down because you're so lovely. Gentle caring a great friend intelligent which is easy to see and the list goes on.

It is easy I know to compare ourselves but I think all that really matters in a job is if the people or at least most are good to be with and that you like it. I get the feeling huns that anything you do would be done well. When you go home lovely do you feel you did a good job?

Thanks for the 4 yums 🍫 ummm but I haven't got them yet... hand over mouth bobbing head stifling laughter nya ha ha...oh and I could throw in another 🎃 soup 🙄

Sending much love and an extra 🤗 one guess why 💟✨🎨☘

Tweety beautiful. What lovely friends are made here. Sweety I'm working my way to you. Seeing our lovelies hurting 😐
Beautiful what you said about loving BBFF and I. No lies same back tweets your a real gem. Darlin the depressions making you feel you didn't write well, honestly it was fantastic.

Grandy love 🤗💜💑 same as Tweety excellent posts.

Peaceful good sleeps my beautifuls 🤗💗🤝🐧