Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

I love your comments and visits 🙂

Thank you...you definitely got the "bumpy" part right. Lol.

Heck, of course it is...life is bumpy after all...sighs...

Pyris- yes, I agree. Feeling less alone helps in its own way.

Loving thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

hey my dear peps

know your never alone

xoxoxoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi,

I woke in the middle of the night (morning). Blasted insomniac tendencies of mine. Lol. I'm slightly delirious but wanted to pop in to share a li'l piece of my heart 🙂

Understand the next 2 quotes and you will start to truly understand me...

I have lived for love; I have lived for art.

- Vissi d'arte in Tosca, Puccini

We do not escape into philosophy, psychology and art- we go there to restore our shattered selves into whole ones.

- Anaïs Nin

So here is to the arts in all its glorious versions whether it is the theatre, music, poetry, drawing, etc.

Moon, in particular, I suspect those quotes will really resonate with you because I think you and I share an "understanding" when it comes to the arts...I can sort of sense who gets it and who doesn't....anyway...

Butterfly (startingnew)- thank you and neither are you btw. Also, I hope you just keep being yourself. You write from the heart; that is more than enough.

Signing out for the next 2 days now...unless I can't sleep (lol)

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Musing: the arts, sadness and change

I have just been reflecting, and the bottom line is I am extremely unhappy in life...if I'm honest, I'm downright miserable.

There is always this great heaviness in my heart. It feels like lead. Sometimes I quite literally place a hand on my heart just to check that it's still beating. I'm alive...

Just to be clear, please don't worry about me; I've my pencils, paintbrushes, manuscript paper, etc...and flowers...I will be okay. Also, I have your love and support; it means the world to me if you read and/or reply.

Back to what we were discussing...

I have a whole thread dedicated to creativity. Even on this thread, I mention the arts to varying degrees in a significant number of posts.

The obvious implication is that a sizeable chunk of my healing/finding my feet again needs to be centred around the arts. That is what will most likely work for me; my best bet. It may not be for everyone but it is very much the case for me.

I once told a psychologist that I had this dream of taking some time off, temporarily moving interstate, renting a place by myself and just composing music day in, day out. Fill the place with flowers. Mingle with creative crowds, go out every night to check out the music and art scene, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Living life as art.

She thought it was a marvellous idea. Definitely my kind of shrink! She was the one who got me to talk and how did she do it? Through art- smart shrinkie as she knew what made her clients tick 😉

Some people heal by talking about their trauma; I prefer to paint or sketch mine, for example. It's the same concept at the end of the day- just a different expression.

Point is, my heart of heart knows that I need some sort of major overhaul in my life (or a series of small overhauls). Whichever. Either way, something needs to change.

Alas, right now, I'm tied down by a ball and chain of commitments (sighs) so as much as I would just like to pack up and head across the "border", it's not going to happen any time soon.

I am feeling quite stuck and frustrated at present. I just have to keep holding on- one foot in front of the next- till I have more freedom.

The future beckons...

Keep the artistic spirit alive everyone 🙂

Special shoutout for anyone doing it tough- Sez, Butterfly (SN) and Pysis.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. I need to drag myself out of bed now (sighs). I will be back on Tues or Wed...most likely rambling about painting or music or something (lol).

[startingnew]

please take care of yourself Peps.

you know we are here if you need us ok, dont be a stranger

sending lots of love and hugs

BW

xoxoxoxoxox

P.S look out for those butterflies

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I have been feeling a little conflicted as a couple of unexpected opportunities have arisen that reminded me of who I am; who I am at the core.

Both are in the artistic realm.

One will boost my bank balance more while the other will nurture artistic growth more. Do you see my dilemma?

On another note, I have been clutching Patti Smith's memoir, Just Kids, to my chest- metaphorically and even physically- as though her words will "save me."

It's where I got the Puccini quote from. When I stumbled upon that quote after skimming the first couple of pages, I "knew" that I had to buy the book. It was perfect timing as I was having a rough day...

Hey, just as a heads up, this is how I write. It may not be for everyone but the arts are such a core part of me. I wouldn't be me if it didn't leak into my writing.

The arts = a fundamental part of my existence (and mental health). I can't talk about one without the other. Hope I'm making sense...

Butterfly (aka BN aka Startingnew aka Star...lol)- I always appreciate your encouraging drop-ins. Thank you 🙂

Speaking of butterflies, your winged messengers have been very busy the last 3 days. Saw a white butterfly both days of the weekend.

I saw another white one yesterday as well as a larger white one with a red and brown pattern that circled my head for a bit. Stopping in my tracks to admire this big butterfly meant that I just missed a steel bar that fell from a building. If I hadn't stopped to admire it, the bar would have probably fallen on me...those 30 seconds of pausing for the butterfly saved me from an accident! I said a quiet "thank you" 💞 Butterflies are the best!!! ,

Sending love to all,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

hey Peps

yes seems i have quite a few nicknames now some resonateing with SN others not so much

i love the arts too, one of the only things that kept me going through all hospital visits and still continue to do.

im glad my butterflies have been keeping you safe! that was a very lucky call that one wasnt it! glad your ok though

lots of hugs and loves

BW xoxoxoxox

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

how are you going?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

Your replies made me smile 🙂 Thank you...

Butterfly- yes, you have more nicknames that I can keep up to date with but that just says how much people adore you here 🙂

Thank you, yes, your butterflies have been my winged protectors. Very grateful.

I totally hear you about the arts. I'm glad that it helped/helps get you through some very difficult periods. It does the same for me; it keeps saving me. Time and time again.

Pysis- I think you're very caring and have a gentle wisdom about you. Also, you try so hard to reach out to people; it's a beautiful quality. Please don't forget to look after yourself too- you're important too. Kind thoughts...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Peps ❤❤❤

Have you heard of 'the book sculptor'?