Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not useless Saree, but you are unwell which makes it very difficult to function or think clearly. I know you don’t feel like eating, however, it is important that you do to keep your strength up.

I am quite sure no one is out to get you, but I also know that when I was paranoid everything seemed very real no matter how strange the thoughts. Try to trust your partner and listen to his reasoning.

Dig deep Saree and you will come through this episode. Be kind and patient with yourself. Keep posting if you feel able to and try not to overwhelm yourself by believing the scary thoughts you are having. You can beat this.

Thinking of you xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Dear Jojo,

Sorry its taken me so long to reply. Things aren't good.

We saw the psychologist who said if we can't manage it present at the emergency department which we ended up doing last night. Did an initial with a doctor then the head doctor reviewed me. He wasn't comfortable with trying to fix the issue and wanted me to have a proper follow up. So we were told to take an old PRN and the Crisis Assessment Team would contact us today for an assessment.
They did contact my partner, but basically told us to keep doing what we are doing. The two options are wait it out and see my psychiatrist or end up in the public hospital which isnt a helpful option.

I'm not a etting foot in that hospital.

Not much good news. Couldn't do bowls today, couldn't hang out laundry - qt least finally washed it I guess. Slept a lot. Didn't eat till about 4pm.

My partner had a massive argument with my mum last night too, which hasn't helped at all. He did nothing wrong, just she is her.

Hope u are well j9jo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am sorry to hear things are still not good at your end, but I was glad you went and got assessed at the emergency department. Is the PRN helping you manage your symptoms? I hope it helps you cope until you see your psychiatrist again. Is your appointment soon?

Don’t beat yourself up for not feeling like doing your usual activities as that will only make you feel worse. Also try and eat more regularly even if it is only small amounts.

Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

p.s. I am going really well. Thanks for asking.

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Thank you.

The PRN has helped the paranoia. But now I feel so low and useless.

Its a week before I see anyone. Not that anyone seems able to help.

Really down Jojo. Bad thoughts and all. Really tired.

Sorry for everything being so negative of late.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You don’t have to be sorry for being negative- you are just being honest and real. I am glad you are able to do that rather than hiding behind a mask. That’s good the PRN is helping with the paranoia as that can be very distressing and debilitating.

I am sorry you are feeling low, useless and having bad thoughts. Try and distract yourself as much as possible and be kind to yourself rather than beating yourself up. You are doing your utmost to get through this which is all anyone can do.

Would you go back into the private hospital again if that was suggested?

Hopefully you have got a handle on things now until you see the psychiatrist next time. Try not to worry about being tired and unable to do day to day activities. Just concentrate on staying safe and strong and getting through each day.

Thinking of you at this time and wishing you well xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Yesterday and last night didn't go well at all. My partner was really worried. He said my thinking is illogical and I'm fighting him on taking my medication because pixies are getting into the safe and tampering with my meds.

After your post last night I suggested that my partner rings and asks about the private hospital. He did. He just told me that my symptoms are too severe for me to be admitted to there and they would refer me to the public hospital here. I guess this is the problem with limited services. They also said go to the GP and force the CAT Team to be involved - experience tells me that that won't help anyway, they will just become annoyed with me instead.

My partner is not coping at all. He is trying to because he doesn't want to admit me.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I know it is very difficult to trust when you have paranoid thoughts, but I can assure you no one is tampering with your medication. It is your illness talking. In the past I have had similar thoughts when unwell.

Don’t fight your partner - let him help you. He would never do anything to harm you. Hold onto that and please take your medication and maybe by the time you see your psychiatrist you will be well enough to go back into the private hospital if that is required.

It is probably worth checking in with your GP (even if the crisis team don’t help) so that she can update the psychiatrist before your next appointment. It might also be beneficial for your partner to help him understand and get advice on how to handle things while you are this unwell.

Please take your medication and your symptoms should begin to ease up and become more manageable. And remember to eat regularly.

My thoughts are with you dear friend

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Thanks wonderful friend.

He is dealing with it the best way anyone can. There is literqlly nothing else we can do except admit me. And I'm that scared of the public hospital (having been admitted 6 times prior), I just cant. I recognise that I'm not okay atm, and I need to go, but I cant at the same time.

Sorry Jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

How are you feeling today? Any improvement?

It’s good you are able to recognise that you are unwell atm as that will hopefully help you deal with the paranoia and also help you recognise that you do need medication to improve your symptoms.

Both you and your partner seem to be managing reasonably well despite the predicament you are in. Did you decide against seeing your GP? I just wish I could somehow bring forward your appointment with the psychiatrist.

Hang in there Saree you are a strong, resilient woman who is doing it tough, but you will get there. This illness is a beast that needs to be tamed! With support that will happen - give some more time.

All my very best wishes. With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Yes, I wish someone could bring the appointment further as well. There appears to be no help when its a crisis down here.

Waiting out appointments that are weeks away is not exactly helpful.

sorry Jojo, really not in a good headspace.