Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Do u believe in meanin?
God has spoken to me. He has a purpose for me. He wants me to die to fulfil it. Damien thinks I'm an idiot. But g9d has to be right not damien right?

[smallwolf]

I do not believe you are an idiot. I also believe you when you said that God has a purpose for you. I would not think that God would want you die, unless in a figurative sense (or metaphorically (same thing really)). I would have thought he would want life for you?

People (regardless of whether they believe in God) can find it hard to believe someone who makes a statement like "God spoke to me" - they can put forth many reasons why it is not possible. And belief is an act of faith that cannot be proven. So I cannot say that you did or did not hear God. All I can say is that I accept what you are saying, except the part about dying, or perhaps questioning that part of it.

Sorry to hear your boss did not call you. I am guessing you were hoping she would call? Perhaps you could call her. Can I ask what part of your current job you are struggling with? Is there too much to do? Is there some stuff that you find triggering?

I know I do not have the same issues as you and my own experiences tell me coping strategies may take some time to be effective, whether at the time we need to engage them or over the longer term. I am sure you have the tools to use. Be kind to yourself and know that you are human and doing the best you can.

Tim

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry I have been out today and just got back. Your last post worried me as I am sure God would never want you to die to fulfil your purpose. It sounds to me as though you are possibly having psychotic thoughts.

I urge you to please seek help by contacting one of the helplines, BB or even 000. They would be a good sounding board to help you interpret your thoughts and feelings.

Damien calling you an idiot (which you are not) is not exactly helpful though I guess he doesn’t really grasp how real psychotic thoughts can seem.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

You are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

It is what he is saying. He is also telling me others think im lying about my symptoms.

[Saree_p]

Couldnt go to work again today. Just so useless.

My partner is just getting frustrated with me.

I cant trust him I cant trust anyone.
Its very windy here and I feel like someone is coming with every sound. They will lock me away and throw away the key.
God is clear about what he wants, but im failing him as well.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Don’t be so hard on yourself- you are not useless, but you are struggling with symptoms of your mental illness. Please contact your psychologist and have a chat with her ASAP as you need some extra support at this time.

Did you manage to speak to your boss today?

It sounds like you are a bit paranoid which makes it very hard to trust anyone and you are also really bothered by the windy weather.

From what you have told me your partner is a safe person to talk to and trust. No one is about to have you locked up, but you do need help and support.

Did you manage to ring one of the helplines as they could most likely help you clarify your thoughts?

Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you are doing xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo
Thank you for your concern.
Sorry

[Saree_p]

Psychologist wasnt of much help at all. She wants me to call the mental health helpline, but understands that I cant. She knows I cant be seen by private psychiatrisy till next week so literally there is nothing we can do apart from wait for it to pass or call mental health line.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Thank you for the update. I am sorry the psychologist was unable to do much for you. Would it be worth ringing your psychiatrist in case they have an earlier appointment or cancellation? You just never know.

Apart from getting in touch with one of the chat/helplines I don’t know what else to suggest. Just keep yourself safe. I know how strong you are to have come this far so keep doing whatever it is you do to get through these times.

Are you still wanting to sleep all the time and are you remembering to eat properly?

Take good care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

I've barely left the bedroom all day.
I'm trying to eat but sont really care.
We have tried the psychistrist but he is overbooked and a wait list of 20 people. Small town issues i guess.
I still think everyone is out to get me. Haven't been to work.
Just so usekess Jojo.