Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[zguenzl]

Hi Saree, happy Friday!

How are you doing today?

Zoe

[Saree_p]

Hi Zoe 😊

Happy Friday to you too!!

Honestly, today is worse and I am just so tired.
A impromptu conversation with psychologist just = asking me to hold on till psychiatrist appointment and then till her again.

Still very much in the throws of getting meds to work.

How are you going?

Are u new here? Or been about a while?

[zguenzl]

Hi Saree,

I'm sorry to hear it's worse. Did your psychologist give you any strategies for 'holding on' until your psychiatrist appt?

I know what you mean re meds...happened to me too. Had to come off them for a bit while I had uni exams just so I wouldn't burst into tears over a maths problem...but was patient and told my partner, friends and family what I was dealing with and that helped a bit. Do you think that would help you?

I'm doing okay today thank you. Having a restful day.

I'm new here! Wanted to become more involved in these forums 🙂

How are you doing today?

Zoe

[Saree_p]

That's awesome Zoe,

Hats off to you!!!

My psychologist has tried to, but we are both aware I've put most things into place or tried other things.

My partner is the one I turn to, unfortunately he is tiring of the current state and its impacting everything. So he has distanced atm. Trying to keep me safe but not there if makes sense. Makes it hard. He is the reason I am staying. Well my argument point to stay safe, but at moment that's disappearing.

Last night was rough. Still alive today. Will keep trying, just tired of fighting.
Doesn't help when you know your going paranoid because sounds scare you continually.

Sorry Zoe,

But thank you all 😊

[Saree_p]

Already tonight is such a struggle.

I know, hold on... wait it out...
I keep repeating this to myself.

Paranoia is hitting in, anxiety to the Max.
 

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I know you are really tired and struggling, but you have to keep fighting through the paranoia and the whole damn lot!! Keep working with your psychiatrist and psychologist and as you said keep holding on.

You are one of the strongest people I have come across so don’t give up or give in to the negative thoughts. Keep going and you will come through one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

You sound really alone as your partner is only there in part. I have found listening to music helped me in my isolation and lifted my spirits. Give it a try and pick songs with lyrics that have special meaning to you.

Stay safe and well xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🎶

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo,

Sorry. Gave up on trying to get help as I just felt like a pain.

You were right tho. Coming out of it, thank God.

Partner is now concerned that I've stopped being able to sleep.

How are you Jojo?

Saree

[Saree_p]

Hey guys,

My psychiatrist wants me to be admitted to hospital as soon as it reopens.

An appointment today, just equalled that. Complete transfer from one med to another, introduction of antidepressant and yeah.

Honestly, I was hoping to stabilise and not need Hospitalisation.... but psychiatrist and psychologist want me to stay in hospital for a bit.... i just don't understand what for. Can't we achieve stuff outside of hospital?

Just not sure.

Am I that bad? Feel like th I ngs have settled comparatively

Thanks everyone

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not a pain!! I’m glad you made it to your next appointments with your psychiatrist and psychologist.

Why not give hospital a try as you have been struggling through ups and downs for almost a year now? It’s not so bad and I think makes changing meds easier as you are reviewed daily rather than weekly.

I am going well, thanks for asking. I miss the movies and eating out, but can’t complain. I’m close to the beach which is always a nice option to go for a walk. I recently watched Phantom of the Opera which was filmed at the Royal Albert Hall. I loved the music and costumes and it was the 25th anniversary of the show.

Wishing you well and if I were you I would give hospital some serious consideration. You’ve got nothing to lose as you’ve tried just about everything else xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗🦜🎶

[smallwolf]

Been a while since I was here.

There has been a few posts since then...

Sounds don't scare me per se, just startle me. And you would know how important sleep can be? I know some people can get away with a few hours of sleep per night. As Jojo said... you are not a pain. People here, your partners and other professionals care very much about you. I don't know why they might have suggested a hospital stay, though sure it would have been out of concern for you.

I am also hopeful you will find what works for you. Thinking of you, and sending peaceful and comforting thoughts to you,

Tim