"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I am sorry that you are still having to deal with this. Did you have any luck contacting the council perhaps to see if they can check, or put you onto an organisation, or can check to see if you pet is still there? You could explain the situation and explain you are concerned for the pet's wellbeing.

Always here for you Moon to listen and support you.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

I can' fight any more CMF. I have to "let it go" for now for my own health - I can see that.

I am overwhelmed though still, with sadness.

[White_Rose]

Dear Moon

We have not spoken together yet, at least I think so. However I have read your posts on other threads and been impressed. I came here to thank TA and decided to read your thread as you were so obviously unhappy. I think I have the gist of it.

No one's pain and disappointment is the same as another's even if the situation was the same. What we all share is a common experience that pain hurts, obvious though that sounds. I am very sad that you have been deprived of the company of your dog especially as you were trying to do the right thing.

I can relate to your situation of uncertainty and loss, especially not knowing exactly what is happening. I have been there and can understand the frustration, anger, shock disorientation. I will not give the details other than it was very painful and does now and then pop into my mind. That was four or five years ago and when I asked, because I will ask, I was told nothing. Actually the usual responses were "I can't remember" or "I'm not supposed to tell you". It's taken me a long time to give myself some peace about it.

A couple of people here have suggested to try to divert your thoughts by thinking of something else. If you can do this it's great. I found I needed to do something active to get out of the mindset. This can be hard to do because it entails thinking (again) about what to do. My GP suggested I write a list of activities I can just turn to and pick one. In fact we compiled the list in her office. Now it is stuck on my fridge, easily accessible in need.

Getting off the road you are on and taking a right turn to another destination is how I think of it. I can go to my list and almost immediately have another option. Does that sound like something that would help you in these dark moments?

I find in difficult situations we all can do something else but getting to that something else is hard. This may be a way to shortcut the emotion you are feeling about someone or something and put you in a safer place.

One other thing my GP taught me. When I am in a time where being overwhelmed is likely she suggested another process. Allow yourself to think about the sadness. Sit in your armchair and deliberately think. Have a timer and after 30 minutes get up and immediately do something from your list or another activity you have planned in advance. You can do this once a day only. If your thoughts start wandering go to your list.

The point of this is to give you control of what is happening.

Mary

[Moonstruck]

Thank you Mary. that was very helpful and I will read it again.

It is incredible that you can relate, having had a similar experience. I am so glad you contacted me as I felt no-one could REALLy understand my pain. Death is final. Not knowing what has happened to him is torture. When I recall the parents whose children are missing, never to know what happened - I feel so guilty...this was "just" a pet. I was a hairs breadth away from picking him up and bringing him home which I had gotten ready.

My older siblings, have both rung the people involved to try and ascertain what happened. Both feel they were lied to but I so appreciate their trying to help. One sibling is very quiet, timid, shy - so it would have taken a lot for her to do this.

I kept a Pilates appointment that afternoon and when emerging from the physio...there was a beautiful rainbow right in front of me. (I have always taken rainbows as signs from (?) perhaps friends who have died telling me it's OK or something).

that, along with my sisters' attempts, although in vain gave me the first tiny feeling of "quietness" I'd had in weeks. I lay in bed last night listening to a soothing tape, having just watched a nice movie.....I began to feel "guilty"then....berating myself for not being forceful enough

Not having the guts to argue with these people, scream at them, demand to search their properties, accuse them of being liars,in other words "standing up for myself".....but.....I have no evidence to prove any wrong has been done to me.

I was afraid if I became too abusive, or aggressively confrontational at all...it would close off any possible communication and hope for me to ever find him in the future. They can easily hang up the phone. They can shut the doors if I visit in the future to check things out. They could have moved him to somewhere else again, for all I know - to avoid my bothering them...who knows?

I berated myself for being too weak, too compliant, too much of a pushover - I should have stormed around, yelled, refused to leave until they told me the truth....something!! If I carry guilt around as well as the grief and sorrow I will go under I fear.

[White_Rose]

Never, never, ever tell yourself you are weak, a pushover. That's not true. And neither is it possible to have stormed around, yelled, refused to leave until they told me the truth.... For one thing this is not your way and you would become even more distressed. And being demanding or threatening would do no good either. Not only that you get to be angry at yourself for no good reason.

I'm not sure if you can go to the police for advice. May be worth trying. Croix can you give an opinion? I have no idea but it must be worth a try.

This is not 'just' a pet. This is your beloved companion and you want him back.

Have you ever tried Mindfulness and/or meditation? I'm not so good at the Mindfulness but I meditate regularly. It takes a while but gradually you will find your anger and hurt reducing. This is because you are tapping into your most inner self and finding rest and freedom from pain. I tell you, in my younger days, (and my not so younger days) I got into all sorts of trouble by shouting the odds. It never works. Your first duty is to yourself, to keep you on an even keel as much as possible.

You can function far better when your pain reduces and that's what you need now. I have to go to bed before I fall off this chair.

Mary

[CMF]

Never berate yourself Moon. You are not weak, compliant or a pushover. You are just NOT a nasty person. You are kind, caring and sensitive.

[Moonstruck]

A CD I sent for arrived today. I am hoping it is the same one I had many years ago...but it may be a shorter re-release. It's Louise Hay's "Morning Meditation" and " Evening Meditation". I found it very helpful a long time ago going through a divorce with two little boys. I was a mess. some would say I still am, just lately anyway.

But, for a while there I had it going pretty good. I let the wrong people into my life that's all, people I should not have trusted or confided in, people that have taken something most precious to me that I was devoted to....something that cannot be replaced. I will never know who to trust any more..

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

youve just reminded me I bout a yoga DVD and have not looked at It Yet!

i am very guarded who I let into my life, I don't get too close to too many people.

did you get around to reading the book 'Assertiveness for Earth Angels'?

i hope you enjoy your DVD and it is the one you are expecting.

cmfx

[Moonstruck]

Hi CMF...the Evening Mediation part was really good, as I remembered it. the Morning One went on a bit too much for me - don't think its exactly what a person would need first thing in the morning upon waking...if you were feeling really down...but the Evening One was good.

that book, Assertiveness 4 Earth Angels - I actually found a little bit "too close to home" in that it seemed to outline exactly what I could be doing to protect myself better...and I know this, but just don't feel strong enough yet......some parts describe me exactly though I have to admit...almost "too" accurate. How do I toughen up?

Well, you actually reminded me of a Pilates DVD I haven't gotten around to yet. I still go to class each week and enjoying it, feel it's making my body stronger which i need as I get...gulp..."older"

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

Yes the book hits very close to home doesn't it. As i read it i just kept thinking omg.

I too wish i could just toughen up at times. I wish i had the answer to that.

I bought the yoga dvd but walking is more my thing. I need to be moving and active i guess that is why i haven't tried the yoga yet. It isn't 'calling' me but my body does want to exert itself and expend some energy.