"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm sure you would still be very welcome on the thread. As Sophie has suggested perhaps their words have been misinterpreted, I'm guessing they meant that starting your own thread would mean more people have the opportunity to read and respond as the title may resonate with them. I have suggested to people to start their own threads as sometimes our posts need a little more attention than they would get on someone else's thread or on a general topic thread. I'll bet they are wondering where you are and how you are.

You can post on my thread anytime 🙂 but in the meantime don't feel discouraged Moon. If you enjoy that thread, join in and enjoy. I love reading your posts no matter where they are.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

I went back to the "bowls club" last night. It made me feel better even though I had to force myself to go. I didn't HAVE to go - but a deep down part of me sort of "knows" I must keep doing things that will have the smallest chance of giving some relief.

I felt better driving home in the car. I didn't tell anyone there of the grief and loss I'd been through these past weeks - I didn't really have to. I didn't want anything to intrude upon just letting myself breathe with people, and in a space where I felt safe. And where I belong. I knew no one there was going to hurt me. I felt only love there.

I am going to Pilates Class tomorrow morning even though I won't feel like it. Then I have a hairdresser appointment after it. I don't feel like doing either - but life keeps going on and spinning around me. Am I doing the right thing in keeping going out and doing things, despite being buried in grief and sadness? What is the alternative?

thank you for being there for me - I wish I could connect with more people on here but I still feel hesitant about joining others, and contributing to that other thread I mentioned earlier - there seems quite a few people on there I'd like to connect with - but after what happened last time I am still a bit dubious about butting in on their conversations.

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

I think it is great you went to the bowl club. We do have to force ourselves at times when we really don't feel like it but the fact that it made you feel better and you felt safe amongst friends is a sign it is right for you. If you forced yourself and felt worse then i would say don't go but you know it is a good place for you.

A hairdresser appt always makes me feel better. I would keep trying to do things if they are making you feel better. I'm not sure which thread you feel you had problems with but if you really enjoyed it maybe just restart with small posts and see how you go with that? I'm sure no one would feel you're butting in Moon, you are very much loved here, i know you are. I love reading your posts on other threads, i think you are funny and caring and you make me smile.

cmf x

[Guest_9809]

Hi Moon, just a quick post for now. I wanted to say good on you for going back to the "bowls club" today. And yes, you are doing the right thing for sure, by continuing to do familiar and enjoyable things. Pilates class tomorrow is also very good. Exercise is important in maintaining some semblance of normality in your life while things are still so tough. There is no viable alternative really.

I'm sorry you dont feel welcome on the other thread you spoke about. I dont know which one that is, so cant really help you with that. But I do know that I would welcome you with open arms on my thread. So if you ever want to pop in and say goodaye, or converse with some of the others who drop in there occasionally, please do so. Your input is always appreciated and very welcome.

Now ... speaking of Moons, isnt it a full moon currently? Weird things happen during the full moon. Anyway, its your special time, so hopefully something special will happen during this moon phase.

I hope the weekend brings something special your way Moon. You deserve to be happy and joyous.

Taurus xx

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You were asking about threads. I've seen you on several threads, including mine. Everywhere I've seen you I am sure you would be most welcome.

Etiquette is quite simple; give support or ask questions or just talk on anything related to that thread. This does not stop you from having your thread here.

Sing out if you need further advice, it's not a hassle.

I think you are very sensible in doing things even if you do not really feel like doing them - particularly the 'bowls club'. Gives a break, sense of perspective and a chance get out of the home environment with all it's associations for a little while. The exercise can't be bad either.

Croix

[The_Abyss]

Hi Moon, I found you (although I often see you on the fear thread and contributing to other threads too).

Often others suggest starting your own thread so people know where to find you and can give you individual support. It is often not possible to give you support on other threads as the focus will often be on the person who starts it (or takes over it for that matter!). That doesn't mean you can't share your own related problem or insights. If you have been through something related to the thread, or something related to the current topic, you just dive in. It may be difficult to get ongoing support however as the topic may move on to other areas or revert back to the thread's original topic. Also, the person whose thread it is may be in crisis and not in a position to comment back to you as they are dealing with their own issues.

We all start out with more contributors than we continue with as the thread may initially strike a cord with others, or the community champions may see you in crisis and rally together to get you over the first hurdle. As you get more comfortable, they retreat, moving on to the next person in crisis, and leading your thread to others. We also relate better to some people than others, or we start on a post and find it triggers us too much, so we retreat quietly into the distance. Find where you are comfortable, whether it be here or elsewhere, and contribute as you need or want to. Share stories, give advice, or just be there for support. Then when you find yourself back in crisis, retreat back here so as Sophie suggests, your story is in one place.

Perhaps your title is quite apt to how you are feeling at the moment?

TA

[White_Rose]

Hello TA

Thanks for the comments about the Community Champions. Very much appreciated.

Mary

[Moonstruck]

Running through most of my posts/threads etc is the common thing of "over thinking" leading to inability to make decisions - imaging the worst scenarios, absolutely no confidence in "following my gut instinct, or heart" or whatever. Over my lifetime taking that "leap of faith" has lead to disaster.

after much help from my kind friends here on Forum, I did make a decision a few months/weeks ago.....and was full of anticipation,joy,delight, confidence and feeling extremely positive.

Once again I was proved wrong. My decision and anticipated joy ended in disaster, grief, loss and such severe depression that I have ever experienced. I find no joy in anything. I long for darkness to descend which means another day of grieving is over. I am grieving for something that I do not even know is deceased. It is the "not knowing" that is unbearably painful.

I have been lied to and deceived by others. I did not foresee their being deceptive,manipulative and capable of such untruths and cover ups. I was a fool to trust. I was a fool to hope. I was a fool to allow myself to feel happiness.

As I said, I am forced to"grieve" over a beloved part of my life for many years - the circumstances of his "loss" not revealed truthfully to me. I do not know how to "grieve" in this fashion. I am stuck, in prison, bereft and helpless against people who behave with no integrity, honesty or sense of "right and wrong".

Re my "over thinking and paranoid thoughts"...what a joke! With all the progress I have made through this Forum - I am back to Square One. Worse than Square One.

[blondguy]

Hey Moon

I know that you have been going through a rough patch.

I just wanted to say that even though you dont feel like it now, you are stronger than you realise. You have been on here for ages and have many people that have huge respect for you and your dedication for your own and other people's well being too

I have a sister that refuses to even read the forums as she has dismissed what we do here as unhelpful to her (denial) and fiercely wants to 'fight' her bad thoughts instead. (Fighting only makes anxiety/depression worse)

You have always had a open mind and are an integral part of the forum family Moon.

You have always been and will continue to be a highly valued contributor

Please be kind to yourself and take the time to 'heal'

Peace will come Moon

Hugs for you (if thats okay of course)

Paul

[Moonstruck]

More than okay Paul