New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi m

yeah I don't really know how I feel about being home again, I was feeling really happy about it being with my animals and everything but then I looked around again and everything is just a mess dads just so untidy and yeah it gets me down. And dad bloody crashed his bus this morning and then of course that's set of a chain reaction he's off his head and just driving everyone nuts. He's the reason we came home early.

i was up and down on my holiday I enjoyed just being outside but my youngest brother was bored so he took it out on me the whole time just constantly being aggressive and making fun of me and dad went to shit pretty quick he was just being an arse he was threatening to leave mum and the full deal. I was just up and down all the time I'd go for a walk on the beach and feel bloody awesome and then I'd get back to the caravan and someone would say something or do something and I was back to being depressed again. I really just need to get away from my family I think they contantly get me down.

thanks m it's good to be back I missed everyone in here.

im glad your ok I'll nick over and have a look.

nath

[Pysis]

Yeah I know it's awesome it's been so long since Ive had babies around here there are only 2 so far but they only hatched last night so there are more to come and another gose is sitting on eggs and are due any day now.

I,m glad your ok.

thanks

Nath

[swtpotato]

Hey nath,

that sounds confusing having all your emotions go up and down the whole time. But I think it's awesome that you were able to enjoy your time outside and on the beach. Such a restorative place. This is a good sign. It seems like you could find it easier now to identify your stress/anxiety triggers and attempt to avoid them when possible, or work on building resilience to specific scenario's, like when your dad takes his stress out on others.

I so understand the sensitivity to all of these things though it would have made it all so much harder. Ugh family. Always so difficult.

do you feel like you have more energy/clarity than before meds?

[Peppermintbach]

Welcome back Nath 🙂

Goodness, what a trip...a mixed bag indeed.

It seems like nature was healing while things with family was very strained on your holiday.

Your dad's behaviour does worry me (sighs). It must be traumatic and very difficult- understatement- having grown up with him...

Sending kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[Pysis]

Hi m

yeah it was but I'm used to it, that's how it's been my whole life everytime something good happens my dad dose something to make me sad again. Yeah I'm not really good at coping with my dad he hates my guts and always has so it's really hard.

Yeah im feeling really motivated to start my business now my meds are working a bit better and I have a clearer veiw of life I guess. At one point I couldn't even get out of bed but now I'm feeling pretty good.

Oh and ps I think I've found a very nice girl we have been talking and she is very nice and caring.

[Pysis]

Thanks pepper.

yeah it was good to be in nature I got some awesome photos but yeah it was difficult with my dad.

yeah it is hard, I think he honestly hates me and always has I didn't see him at all for the first 3 years of my life. I can't put up with him anymore I just thellingnme him to go .... Himself.

How have you been pepper I hope your ok?

thanks

Nath xoxoxoxoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hey buddy

Glad your back

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,

so glad your back! has been a little quieter without you 🙂
im sure its frustrating that you did have so many ups and downs on your trip away, but glad you got to get out in nature and relax a bit! even if it was broken up by fights and tension with your family.

so good that the meds are working and you are able to think clearer now!! time to put your big exciting future plans into action hopefully!
hope youre doing okay

thinking of you!

[Pysis]

Hey star

glad to be back.

how are you? How was your biopsy?

sending hugs

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi C

haha, really?

Yeah it was but it was still a good holiday don't get me wrong. I saw wild dolphins and whales for the first time and went to the Australian reptile park and saw baby Devils so that was cool.

Haha, yeah hopefully I'm determined this time I'll get that business started.

thinking of you too C and sending hugs.

Nath