New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Oh yeah that sounds good o tried to start my own garden once but we don't have enough water here. Um yeah I've got heaps of projects I few to many I think, I've got to make seats for the table I built, I've got about 1km of fencing to fix up, I've got to fix my shed and that's just the start. But I have got a drawing project that I've got to finish at some point it's of a baby bongo antelope.

Yeah I think you are right it seems a little brighter if you want to get it brighter again you can shine a light just under your eye so it lights it up but dosent cast to much of a reflection but of course then you have to take another photo, I don't know the real colour of your eyes but it gives me a pretty good idea I'll just have to use slightly lighter colours? You know that the eyes are the window to a persons soul and I can see a lot of kindness in there but also a bit of sadness and I that's good it shows you.😃

Oh im glad someone else dosent like rats the ones here get masive there sewer rats from the creek that runs behind us.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

Sorry not that I mean sadness is who you are but it shows how your feeling.

[startingnew]

Haha i meant drawing my own garden. Im in the middle of picking flowers i would want in a real garden but drawing them instead.

Sounds like you got lots to do then...

Hmm you can try to use the colours as you see them if not ill try for a light.

I know what you meant. I went to an iridplogist beforeand sge said when im alot happier and really get my life hoing my eye colour will get brighter which will be nice itll be s nicer blue eith less green. Ive got 4 tones in my eye colour. Dark blue ring then light grey blue type volour thrn yellowy green thrn brown surroundinv the pupil

[Pysis]

Haha oh sorry, just forget what I said then, haha.

That sounds interesting do you know the thirds rule?

haha yeah sorry just got completely off topic there,haha but yeah I've got plenty to do.

that will be interesting then that's sometime to look forward to. I know my eyes are usally deeper brown with yellow highlights in them when I'm happier so hopefully both our eyes will return to normal soon hey.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

I can always use references from online to try and get it to more how you describe.

[Pysis]

Hi star

i just finished your drawing and I've put it as my profile picture I really hope you like it

Sending love

Nath

[startingnew]

The thirds rule?
I might do but im not entirely sure..


I love my eye colour. Thats the only part that I like the rest of me id love to change. Your pretty spor on with your drawing. When my eues are brighter the blue goes brighter and not so grey and te yellow gets brighter more like a green.
I think its pretty magical really considering many dont have the same as me and Ive been told that by heaps of people they rarely see any like mine.

love the way youve done it too, and you got rid of my wrinkle lines hahahaha. they make me look old lol but thats lack of sleep and stress for ya

Hw are you today? What did you get up to?

[Pysis]

Do you divide your page into thirds both horizontally and vertically and where ever the lines meet that's a focal point so you put what ever you want people to notice the most there.

im glad you like the drawing honestly it wasn't easy I had to try and find images of eyes kind of similar to your I couldn't really find any but I found some similar to what you described. Yeah like I've said before eyes are kind of my thing I'm known for drawing good eyes, I guess people consider it my signature. Eyes are pretty cool and there are all kinds of differnt mutations that make each one differnt to the next kind of like a finger print. Haha, did you know your technically a mutant blue eyes are a mutation so people with blue eyes are lacking pigments in there eyes which gives them that blue colour and people like you have enough pigment to make the middle brown but not the outside. Haha, I did draw in the wrinkles at first but I thought that you probably took the photo when you were tierd so I made then less prominent, I'm sure that's what you look like when you have a good nights sleep.

im OK today thanks, I haven't really done much I did a little studie and some research but not much it's really windy and horrible here at the moment. How about you?

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

Thanks for the open, kind posts. It was eye opening for me to read about the mentality and views on gender roles in your community (especially as I was born and raised in the city and grew up in a very liberal, left wing community).

So you should be proud of yourself! I think it's amazing that you try to hold onto your sense of self and don't try to fit the mould. It must have been hard/is hard with so much pressure to conform to those gender stereotypes.

My late grandfather would have loved you 🙂 He was a real groundbreaker for his generation. In a time when women were not really encouraged to pursue higher education and when they were, it was to "meet a husband", he pushed my mum and aunt to pursue higher education for education's sake. For years, he had photos of my mum and aunt in their undergrad and postgrad graduation caps mounted on the wall in his study.

He also started a NFP martial arts organisation and welcomed everyone; fees charged were used to help struggling local families. You sort of make me think of my grandfather; I mean that in a good way 🙂 At his funeral, hundreds of people were in attendance. He was like you...round peg, square hole.

It's my long winded way of saying I respect how you're staying true to your sense of self and identity. I think you're pretty awesome: artistic, sensitive, loyal and caring 🙂

I do get concerned that you put yourself last when caring for others. Your best friend, Sara, is lucky to have you in your life. Actually, any friend is lucky to have you in his/her life.

Hope today has been kind to you.

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hey Buddy


no I hadnt heard of that but its something to try anyway. Lol thats ok at least it kept you occupied for a while hey.
Haha smarty pants! That photo was taken the day I uploaded it onto here. Ive looked like an old lady from alck of sleep before such as the time I stayed up for 48hrs lol. I wont be doing that anytime soon!








Im a head of studies atm so ive taken today off from studying. Will start up again tomorrow when the day is quiet and suppose to be windy.

and i also agree with what Pepper here has said about your personality.