New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

your welcome I'm glad it's coming across as being open I really am trying to be. Yeah really most of Australia is rural there are a few pockets of city but the majority of it is rural and really I think most towns are still stuck in that mentality I mean our town in terms of their veiws of women is pretty good we have 6 female fire fighters in my brigade and they are with a lot of respect and if they arnt I try and stand up for them but they are still held to differnt standards to men, I don't know it's hard to explain but it's almost that women can kind of do anything now so if they want to be a mechanic or a firefighter they can and those roles were previously considered very much men roles but men can be artists or kindergarten teachers or anything like that becuase we have to still maintain stereotype. And if you go to the next town over its a very different for they are still in that mentality that women have the certain roles so they should stay home and take care of the kids and they arnt suposed to have roles of power and stuff like that and that's something that we have found hard on the fire ground having almost half our firefighters being women becuase the other towns brigade bring that mentality to the job my mum and Sara were first on scene to a fatal car accedent and took controle but the other brigade took over as soon as they turned up and treated them like they were lesser people they actually made my mum who was technically in charge of the whole incident go back to our staition to make tea and coffee for the men and she was the only person who could drive our truck so Sara was left at the scene with now way of getting back. Veiws on gay marriage and things are very differnt as well majority of people are against it and really don't like homosexual people at all. When I had my exhibition it was in our town and I reckon about half the people there were homosexual well didn't that course a stir God some of the comments made me so angry I don't and never have understood why people can't just accept people.

sorry this is so,long it feels really good to get it out I have no one to talk about any of this stuff with except Sara but I don't talk about it much with her becuase her husband is very very racist, sexist and homophobic she dosent agree with any of his veiws but if he knew that she would get in trouble.

[Pysis]

Thank you pepper that means a lot.

Yeah it was and still is really hard becuase you constantly have people judging you and telling you who you should be including family like most of my life I was told by people I shouldn't be drawing or doing art becuase it's for girls I should play footy and cricket but that wasn't me.

Your grandfather sound like a very lovely, honourable man who did a lot of good in his life, it takes a strong person to go against the grain. Thank you pepper. I think your pretty awesome to, I think most of the people on here are pretty awesome really.

dont worry to much about that I do put myself last a lot of the time but I wouldn't do it if I didn't think I could. Wow thank you that means a lot.

thank you pepper

Nath

[Pysis]

Yeah that's true I did enjoy doing it it's the first try I've ever really made at drawing anything human.

Haha, don't worry I think anyone looks old when they don't get enough sleep.

thats good that your ahead of your studies at the moment hopefully you can stay just a little ahead so you can relax a little. Thanks star it means a lot form both of you I really haven't ever had anyone say anything anywhere near as nice as that to me before, it made me smile from ear to ear, I'm a little embarrassed.

i just found out that my nan had an accedent the other day, my pop and her were cleaning the golf club after a function and my pop who is 75 was moving a great big heavy fridge and didn't realise that the motor was in the top and it fell forward and knocked my nan flying and she was knocked unconscious luckily my pop stopped the fridge from falling on her somehow if it had of fallen on her it would of killed her. Anyway she walked home by herself and vomited all that day (Monday) yesterday and today and didn't go to a doctor till today it turns out she got brain trauma and was rushed in to the big town for a cat scan, she's on medication for the next month or so and can't do anything for 3 weeks. So I'm going down tomorrow to take care of them my pop suffers from depression a lot and has had 4 mental break downs and this is more than enough to push him over the edge again just with the guilt so someone really needs to be there for them for a while and I'm the only person available. I don't mind but I really could do with out it if you know what I mean, anyway I think I'll be ok.

thinking of both of you star and pepper and thank you again

Nath

[Pysis]

I've write a longer response but it hasn't come through yet.

[startingnew]

Thats good, you should have a go at doing more human things.
Hah I feel old and yet im not. Dont worry im sure ill age fine lol.


Its mostly just watching lectures and then doing a few pop quizzes so im ok with that I can go a week without studying and catch up. When I went into hospital for a few days the few weeks ago, I was behind in both my studies and I ended up with the marks that I did.
Im sure youll get awesome marks too.


Lol join the blushing club, ive blushed redder than a tomato many many times. Hmm everythime I get a compliment pretty much makes me do that.


Im sorry to hear about your nan and your pop. Make sure you take care of yourself too, caring for others is hard and drainging work. I know and understand so can chat from a carers side of things too.
Your tough maybe itll do you good in a way to ge away from your father for abit too and be able to focus on the task at hand rather than 10 thousand other things

[Pysis]

Oh yeah that's pretty good at least it's a bit flexible.

haha, yeah I'm really not used to it, it feels really weird.

thanks star, I shouldn't actually have to do that much I just need to make sure they don't do to much and try and cheer them up a little, thier pretty stubborn and don't know when to take it easy.

yeah it will probably be a bit good to get away from me dad and everything I'm taking my studie so I'm hoping I can get a bit done.

thinking of you star

Nath

[Pysis]

Right this is going to be really wierd for me and I hope it's not all over the shop but I need to talk about how the hell it supossed to get a girlfriend. Sara and other people keep saying need to find someone and I do want to but I just feel like who the hell will want to date me. I've been asked out on dates before but I have always turned them down and now no one asks and I don't know how to find someone, I mean I don't even know if anyone would want me I'm so weird and shy and awkward when I first meet people why would they take a second look at me. I don't know people keep saying I'm pretty atracktive but I don't feel that way, I don't even know where to meet girls here I mean I can go into the big town but I don't have any friends so I'd just be that wierd guy walking around the club. I mean even my personality I don't feel is attractive I know you guys say I'm really caring and stuff but do girls want that? I don't know this is something that has worried me most of my life now and I'm feel pretty pathetic becuase my younger brother who is 5 years younger than me has had a girlfriend before me not ipthat it was a real relationship but still.

i don't know dose anyone think I could find someone is it even worth trying?

[Pysis]

Sorry I know it's a difficult question but I don't have anyone to ask advice from.

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

I think it's great you want our advice! 🙂 I'll try my best.

First of all, I have a similar problem and I'm not the best with this stuff for myself, but at the same time I've given advice to lots of my friends and can usually help people out a bit.

I think it's important how you frame it first. Do you 'need' to find someone? Make sure you you're looking for someone you'd like to hang out with rather than for the sake of having a girlfriend.

I think any girl would be lucky to spend time with you - the people I find most attractive are honest about who they are, share what they are passionate about, and show they aren't afraid to be imperfect. The best thing a guy can do is show genuine interest in the other person (sounds very obvious but still). So you can definitely do this!

Don't feel like you're behind or anything, the pressure at this age is ridiculous, I was the same. I didn't even want to date and still felt terrible about not doing it anyway! Like why should I worry about not being attractive to guys when I wasn't even attracted to them?? So silly I've accepted that people have diverse ways of expressing their sexuality and its all ok incl. being self-conscious and uncomfortable about it. Some people start dating when they are 14 and some at 24 or whenever.

About meeting girls... I'm not really sure, hopefully the others have some good advice here. Just being involved in the community and meeting girls every now and then helps, or maybe you could start some kind of activity in the big town. Basically my advice would be to show interest and tease them haha idk it's a tricky topic!

Feel free to ask for advice about anything, I enjoy giving it 🙂

What do you think? Are there any girls you've got your eye on? 😉

Em

[startingnew]

Hey buddy

Sorry

I had soemthing come up at work

Iwas midway through writing when i had to deal with it then thr dbt phone call and then another phone call

I writing a better response now but wantes to flick u this msg so i know im still here