New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[startingnew]

Im glad your doing abit better today. What have you been getting up to?


Haha lol yes its september. Thats ok if you dont have internet im sure youll tell me all about when your back.

[Pysis]

I've just been reading my studie while I've been watching some movies. It's really cold here today and it's raining quite heavily as well.

I saw you did some painting today good in you and you finished some of your course and got really good results that's awesome.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

I'm not feeling great now I really miss my friend Sara I don't know what's going on over the past week or so I've sent her 2 messages just asking her how she is and she hasn't even looked at them. I'm worried she just dosent care anymore I don't know what to do I just want my friend back I want my family back. I can't understand how a friendship can change as quick as ours has 8 years we have talked about everything and been there for each other now she dosent even look at the messages I send her. I know I'm suposed to just be understanding and leave her be but I'm scared our friendships never going to be the same again and people have said to me that sometimes freindships just change some times and people leave our lives but in this situation I don't want that to happen she is far more to me than just a friend she's my family she's my sister and I miss her. I know I've got all you guys on here and I really appreciate that but no one can replace my friend no one can replace the time we have spent together and the bond that we have shared as friends. I just don't know what to do anymore I don't know how I'm supposed to be me again when she really has become part of who I am. My friends changed and I don't really think for the better she is a lot more serious all the time and just isn't her she seems unhappy all the time but she won't tell me what's going on, I know I can't make her want to tell me and if she is going to tell me it's something she has to do when she is ready but I'm scared she's never going to let me back in again I'm scared she's just going to forget me like every other person has in my life. I'm trying to get better I'm trying to feel happy but one thing that made me the happiest isn't there anymore and that was her. I just want to start this year again and I would do everything so differently. I need my friend back I can't keep doing this.

[startingnew]

How did you go with your studies today?
Its cold here and windy but its sunny. The wind doesnt really help with rugging horses though.
Yes I took my own advice and reconnected with my own joys and tried my hand at painting. I dont think its very good but its a start. Yeah I finished both courses. My next one starts next monday so I get a free week to just chill.




I know your friend cant be replaced and its a hard situation to be in. im not really sure what else you can do or what advice I can other
maybe Dory, Velvet or Pepper can offer some more advice on what to do

[Pysis]

Hi star

sorry about before I just had another panic attack. I'm ok now.

i went ok with my studie it's all locked away in there now all I've got to do now is turn it into something useful.

its really good that you are doing some painting and it's good that you get a week off you deserve it.

my friend Ben rang and we are going to go find some snow and make a snow man in the middle of our town it'll take a couple hours but it should bring some fun to the town. We won't be back till late.

thinking of you

nath

[startingnew]

can you do something for me?

type in the bb search bar 'COPING STRATEGIES' take a look there ive written up heaps of coping strtegies for when anxiety and panic attacks hit. id really reccomend you reading some of them and even writing them down on palm cards that you can take around with you or in your phone or somwhere you can remember.

comment and that way youll keep being updated. i update it every time i find a new strategy.

[startingnew]

thats great go have heaps of fun 🙂

[Pysis]

Ok star I'll do that, thank you. My panic attacks don't last very long any more they used to last forever.

I've got some stuff to tell you later when your feeling better.

thinking of you

Nath

[startingnew]

chat away Nath

you dont have to worry about how im feeling ok..

this is your thread you dont have to worry about how anyone else feels, just chat away

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Pysis,

You certainly have a lot happening...

Panic attacks can be so unsettling and stressful. I'm glad they seem more manageable these days compared to before.

I feel your sadness, fear and confusion towards the friend situation. The uncertainty must be painful especially as she clearly means a lot to you.

It's a tricky one...it's hard to say why she hasn't read the texts. I don't really know the back story but I wonder if you would consider maybe calling her to talk...perhaps that's an option although it's up to you...

I hope snowman building was fun btw 😉

kind thoughts,

Pepper