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New and not sure what to do
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Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt
I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.
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Yeah it's funny most of the time I don't feel tall but then I go to put my arm around someone and have to bend down that's when I notice, haha. Yeah the Clyde wasn't the right horse for me to start on I'd been riding for about a year before I got him and I was alright at it but he was so nervous it just shatted my confidence.mi really wish the horse I had now was rideable he is so genial and kind I was out there today and he just put his head in my lap and fell asleep I had to move him of though becuase my leg went to sleep he was so heavy.
yeah I hope my friend can sort it out with her husband he's always been someone who makes me nervous and he tends to be a lot like my dad, I try and be there for her kids as much as I can I really miss them at the moment they are like my little nieces and nephew. I just wish I could do something to help her but I can't becuase I'll just end up making things worse for her it's so hard. I had a family with her and her kids they arnet my blood but they mean more to me than most of the people I'm related to and believe me there is a lot of them.
i got yelled at a few times last night but he wasn't to bad he yelled at my youngest brother who is only 10 and upset him a fair bit but he's ok today. I was meant to go with my brother to his last game of footy today but I just couldn't go dad was going as well and I couldn't stand being around him. I'm pretty lonley right now no one will be home till late tonight. I hate feeling like this I hate feeling so alone and lost. I'm not feeling that great I've had to much time to think today my heads racing a bit and I'm really worried about my freind she deserves so much better.
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Haha lol. Well then thats saying something then isnt it...
yeah I find unless your an experienced rider its best to stay away from nervous horses as they feed of our own nerves. So you being scared would have made him loose his confidence and being nervous as well. So it works both ways. You really just need a quiet plod around type of horse. Something easy going. Unfortunatly most rescue horses cant be ridden because of their past. Some horses take a long time but eventually you can ride them but most of them have bad experiences on their back so they loose more trust and may not ever trust a horse again.
Yeah the situation with your friend is quite a sticky situation there and im not sure what would help either. Itll probably be better to let her know your there for her but its up to her to iniciate contact again. I have people who mean more to me than blood relatives too. Sometimes I wish we could pick our family. But we cant do that either.
Im glad both you and your brothers are ok. Its aa bad situation your in but your stuck between a rock and a hard place so its really ahrd to work around.
I get how you feel. But your not alone. You have all us here on BB to support you. You can jump on here anytime and theres also a few chat threads like the BB cafe and also a cafe for under 25s they are in the social part of the forums if your interested in taking a look.
But if not im around and Dorys usually around somewhere too
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Yeah I'm trained in natural horsemanship so I've learnt all about how the horses pick up on us but when I got my Clyde he was supposed to be this bomb proof horse but he was just scared of everything trying to get him on a float took me 2 weeks of constant work he was just so scared. Yeah I don't think the horse I have now will ever be rideable again I think it's a bit of a combination of he has a back problem of some kind and he's been mis treated.
yeah I don't know what to do he goes through her phone a lot so if he's been jealous of me if I write anything to her it's just going to make things worse. I promised her a very long time ago I'd always be there for her and I still am but I just don't know what to do about this one, sometimes I just wish I could change the way people think, she's such a good person one of the best people I know but she just keeps being hurt by people. yeah I wish I could lock my family most of the time to I have over 60 Aunty, uncles and cousins but I don't see any of them and really I don't want to.
yeah we usally are ok there have been a times when he almost haven't been but he's not as bad as he was before but it's still really stressful.
oh ok dory said something about a cafe but i didn't know what she was talking about ill check it out today I've just been so lonley, i wanted to talk to my friend but I can. Thank you for being so nice it means a lot.
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Hey yes check out the bb cafe or take a look around and see where you would like to join in. Theres a few interest groups too like poetry think theres sports. Theres all kinds of thing.
Hopefully you can get another horse that you can ride someday. Or maybe you could ride someone elses horses for them....
Oh wow yeah that's a big family. Maybe some of those will come around one day hey..
I hope your friend comes around soon. I wouldnt have a clue how to help either without causing her extra troubles. Esp since he checks her phone. What an ahole!
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ok I wonder weather they have anything for animal lovers,haha.
yeah maybe I could adjist a horse here for someone and maybe I could ride it.
i doubt any of my family will come around I'm the black sheep of the family I'm not religious like they want me to be and I don't fit into their box so they don't know how to deal with me, like I said the other day I don't fit thier idea of what I man should be. my dads 1 of 7 and his dad is 1 of 13 and his dad before him was 1 of 15 or something like that they are that real old school religious kind of people.
yeah I just feel so helpless when it comes to my friend at the moment I don't know how to help her I love her a lot and I would do anything to help her but I don't want to make things worse, he's so controlling and horrible I wish I could help her.
