New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi star

ive read a few of your threads and I just want to say you are avery staring person anyone would be lucky to know you I think a lot of people are missing out.

i just want you to know that you don't have to worry about saying anything wrong or upsetting me it takes a fair bit ta upset me even when I'm the way I have been and I want you to know that i don't want you to feel like you have to tell me anything your not comfortable with. And you can talk to me about anything you need to on this forum if you want, I always want to make sure people feel like I'm giving as much as I'm receiving so if you've had a bad day or something don't hesitate to ask for some Support or just vent on here. I've really enjoyed talking to you so far and I hope your still enjoying talking to me.

Your new pal Nath.😄

[Pysis]

I meant strong not staring sorry.

[startingnew]

Hey Nath

Thank you for your words of support. It means alot. I still enjoy talking to you. Atm my msgs will be short and sweet as i just finished having a panic attack and its taken alot out of me physically and mentally so just got to take it easy. Ill prob be asleep soon too.

[Pysis]

No problem I mean them. I'm glad your still enjoying talking to me.

i hope your ok now.

dont repspond right now if your to tired I understand.

talk to you soon.

[startingnew]

Thats ok Nath, im just stirring Dory up you can call me whatever you like,ive go many nicknames around the fourms including simple ones like SN or Essen. So its really up to you. Im happy with whatever 🙂


haha saved by good old mum hey.


Its really good drawing. Thats ok you can leave it as this one. Do you sell your artworks?
Haha I think I need to get a ute and go to somenes open paddock, sounds like a good release but you gotta still be careful one wrong move and you could be history.


Ive been caring since I was 12. I started to look after my nan as well, and while its not full time or paid it was helping my pop for a few hours on the weekend or after school. So im kinda use to it.
Yeah ive had 2 things go wrong for me already but things happen and my boss doesnt want to get rid of me so I must be doing something right lol.
Yeah I dont get much of a breka of holidays either rarely get a day off, we have a rabbit dog bird and 3 horses of our own but im lucky pop can look after them for a weekend if we go away and mu horses dont need feeding over the weekend so thats ok.


Haha I totally get it. Country girls are those rough nuts keep it real tell it like it is kinda people where as the city ones I find to be really girly and argumentive over the stupidest things, lets spread rumours but when it comes back to bite them they have no idea what to do.


Your mum sounds like shes stuck in a rock and a hard place too and I guess while the boys are in your mothers main care she doesnt have to worry to much about whats happeneing when your father has them.




Hmm im sure you had a continued on bit...

[Pysis]

Ok as long as your happy with it. I've got a few nick names in real life people call me Nath, Bigfoot,Nater and a few others I prefer Nath though.

thanks it's not my best one but I'm pretty happy with it. Yeah I sell my works and I've had a few exhibitions over the years and I've had some work displayed in Melbourne as well at one point.

haha yeah that's why I bought me four wheeler, I don't get to crazy though not like some people it's pretty safe in our paddocks I know where all the rocks and everything are and I make sure I'm always in control.

thats really good,if you to of taken care of your grandparents like that I helped my nan and pop,when I was about 9 when they both had mental breakdowns at the same time mainly caused by my dad.

yeah I have someone down the road that's going to look after my animals for me I probably have to many but they keep me company so they are worth it. I have 3 Muscovy ducks, 3 Indian runner ducks, 3 geese, 2 peacocks, a golden pheasant, 9 Guinea fowl, 2 goats, 1 horse, 12 birds, 2 cats, 3 dogs and I just picked up 2 turkeys, haha. I used to breed chickens as well I had about 60 at one point but then the foxes moved in and over time that killed them all, all up I lost about 80 chickens, a fair few Guinea fowl, ducks and geese.

yeah country girls usually are as tough as nails and have the biggest hearts, city girls tend to just be petty I find.

[Pysis]

I'm sorry you don't really have anyone at the moment I completely understand I'm in the same boat right now, but you can always talk to me.😃I'm sure your not weird people are just to blind to see how good of a person you are. People think I'm wierd becuase I'm quiet, I think before I talk and every move I make is calculated and people aren't used to that.

ok I wasn't sure my thoughts tend to be a but cloudy at the moment. To be honest I'd read your age on another post so I knew but if I hadn't of I probably would of thought I was talking to someone older.

Thank you I'm trying my hardest with my brothers but I feel like I'm making it up as I go alone I'm trying to teach them to be good men but I'm still trying to figure out how to be a man myself half the time.

[Pysis]

haha that's ok you probably thought I'd only answered half of your questions and things yesterday.
thank you that means a lot it's something that really worrys me.

Yeah I hope someday I can get my act together to start my business, I love kids and animlas so it's really my dream job and there is a big gap where I live. I had everything sorted to start it with my friend before she got her new job it's kind of something I feel needs to be run by two people just to break up the work load a little. I'm pretty sure the only reason my friend didn't start the business with me is becuase if her husband.

yellow is the easiest colour to cover its a very neutral kind of colour I water it down so it's very light. So the yellow just gives you your outline really and then you run out your pencil so I tend not to even draw on my piece anymore I just used the yellow. Then you start to build it with your darker colours first and then getting brighter tpfrom there. If you really want to get into painting I'd start with acrylic it's a very easy paint to use. That's ok not all drawings have to be realistic it's about expressing your interpretation. Have you ever considered drawing lessons if its something that you really enjoy and want to work on you can get or ate lessons in most places, and then once your really happy with your drawing then start painting it's kind of the natural progression of artists but I still prefer drawing.

yeah the meds I'm on now give me the shakes a little bit but they kind of work a little so I work around it, it's not affecting my drawing so it dosent really matter. I'm glad your medication works for you even if it dose make it hard to lose weight, I'm sure you'll get there with your weight though.
haha, yeah it would be nice. To be really honest as long as they have good eyes and a good personality id be happy.

yeah I won't give up, I don't know wether this woman can do that much but it makes mum happy and she is someone who understands so it's kind of a compromise.

[Pysis]

I've responded it's just taking a long time for some reason .

[Pysis]

I'm not sure what's going on none of my messages are going up. I really need to talk but it's just not working.