My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Bro,

Just read it.

Thanks bro.

Im going to work on the boat. HWJT time.

SLAM LOL LAY LAM and YLAY. All at the same time. It actually hurts when that happens. Bahahahahaha

Have a great morning bro.

You crack me up

Matt.

[SourceShield]

GoooooooodMorning Mcbrozzle McMatt McLAYLAY!

All g, bro!

Have a great day as well.

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaand still waiting for that name...<-LAY

SLAMdunk

McKBrozzle McLAMLAM

[1113]

Bro

sylvester stallone

I am the eye of the tigar, the cream of the crop.....

Now I am actually going to do some work

Peace

Chat later

[SourceShield]

...Risin' up to the challenge of our rival...

---

Sylvester Stallone meet SpongeBob SquarePants

---

SLAMJAM <-Smiling Like A Moron Just Ask Matt

WolfPowerSource

[1113]

Bro,

I just had laughing fit. I mean hysterically. That was so funny. I almost past out. SLAMJAM. Bahahahahaha

I haven't laughed that hard in 20 years. Seriously.

I am so grateful. But Im pretty sure I wet myself.

SpongeBob SquarePants meet Sandra Bullock.

I have no others words right now

I am just going to enjoy this moment

It will go down in my history. I will never forget this moment in time.

Peace

HLF...i cant even find a good acronym

Matt.

[1113]

No it just started again...... i have tears running down my face

[1113]

I think i need a dr. Bahahahahaha bahahahahaha bahahahahaha SNORT

[1113]

Ok ok its stopped. That has been missing from my life life for so long.

Check mate.

No wait.... it just seems started again.

[SourceShield]

Sandra Bullock meet Betty Boo!

---

Nice work!.

I appreciate you sharing that moment.

A major dose of joy...healing us inside and out, brother MattJam <-SLAM

Glad that I could be of service brother!

I'm feeling good too.

Took Bundy for his walk, and have been doing some callisthenics and HIIT.

I've gotta get Festival ready!

There's a lot of beautiful people that go to these things man...I must look my best!.

I can't wait, seriously, I love dancing to live music barefoot on the grass, under the moon.

I reckon you'd love it too, you hippy child.

Big hugs to the nephew, from me and the mutt.

LoveYouBrother.

KSLAM

[1113]

Kin,

I am so happy right now I cannot stop smiling. All natural and organic.

Everyday I leap ahead to the past when I was happy.

I have just manipulate time once again.

I could never believed this to be true.

Just know that my hand is sitting on top of your head right now and all is well.

This I can give you in return.

Peace

Matthew gift from God