Paul, I'll admit this thread has been hard for me to read. Infidelity is something that destroys people at the core. I have been dishonoured by someone in that way, and the damage it did to us both was and is incomprehensibly severe. Somewhere in her, I think your daughter understands what she's done and feels some of what Emmy talked about. The ongoing contact with the father in the workplace is only going to make that worse. I hope in time she realises that too and gets out of there.
As for you, I agree with those that have encouraged you to stay on the path of looking after you first. You're right that you can't be there for anyone if you don't look after yourself. Parental relationships are tricky, and I've noticed young ones often go off the rails for a time and eventually find their way back if they have parents that care enough to accept them, as I know you do. Carol's suggestion of a letter is a good one. A way to let your daughter know you care, and that you are there, without her having to respond immediately. It's something tangible for her to look at and mull over when she's struggling. Even if she doesn't seem to accept you or your words in the immediate, even if she continues to act out for some time, she will know she isn't alone. I think it would give her comfort even if you don't see it, and it will be an opening for her to come to you when she feels able.
Meantime, we are all here for you to give you the support you need. You deserve it, too.
Bluguru.
