Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

Sometimes when I read things the reaction does not set in for a while afterwards, it's only then that the full impact of what I've read becomes apparent and the triggering sets in.

I notice in Venessa's thread you said you had read her book as it was uploaded a few hours ago.

I'm just here to check that you are ok . I agree with you it is a powerful document of a person's struggle and triumph against adversity and I'm sure Venessa will have appreciated your words.

Croix.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mr Croix, Thankyou for checking to see if I am okay. I am just about to do a session at the gym, I am sitting here typing away to you actually at the gym.

Yes I did read Venessa story....it was the one she posted late last night and early morning. Which is no longer there. She directed me to another story, the same one I believe but more detailed perhaps. I read bits of this one, until I reached a certain part. I was unable to read further then that and I didn't want to. I was struggling a bit after I just read a few sentences of some graphic details. I realise I cannot read such graphic stuff like that. It makes my whole being feel yucky. I am okay though Mr Croix. I am not sure if you read the bits I am referring to or not . And I didn't want to say it in words here.

Thanks Crox, your fatherly kindness means a lot to me. Almost feel tears again.

The sunshine is beautiful, it is flowing in the window here where I am sitting. Are you getting some at your place?

Okay I am now going to go on the cross trainer. I think my hubby is already over there.

In kindness to you Mr Croix

shell

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

I was posting to Mrs D today and saw your post. I'm very glad you are not in that "alone and dark place", it is truly horrible.

Can you store up the following in the back off your mind for later? When you are right down you still do communicate, there is no need for you to worry that words are failing you, or your feelings are all that there is.

Others will see how you are and be there for you, gentle presences keeping you company as you need it, this has been the way in the past and will be again if it happens.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell and Everyone here,

Want to wish you all a very Good Morning.

It is so wonderful we are able to support each other so well on this forum and to build bonds of friendship, care and appreciation.

Just like a family, this forum is made up of so many different people. Like you mentioned Shell, it is interesting to see how we view the people we are connecting with. You mentioned thinking of Croix as a Father figure or how in your mind you wished a father would be.

We all desire to be acknowledged, validated and accepted. I for one am so thankful I find that here!

Cheers to you all, big hugs too if you want them, from Mrs. D

[Wilma1]

Thank you Mrs D, I needed to hear these words today.

Shell, you are very important. More than you might ever know. W

[Doolhof]

Hi Wilma, Shell and Everyone,

There are many times when I think that no one cares if I am here or not. I know it is my depression talking to me. It is hard to stop those thoughts from escalating some days.

Depression can make us shut ourselves away even when the sun is shining outside and the day looks glorious. The thing is to encourage ourselves to get out doors into the sun. (so to speak)

How many times are you with other people but you sit in the corner and don't engage in contact. Then when it is time to go home you feel deflated?

That happened to me on Sunday. All I had to do was turn my chair and talk to the person next to be. But I didn't. Inside I was crying, feeling lonely and depressed. All it would have taken to change that was a moment of time to engage in conversation with someone!

We are all important. We are all special. We all count. Some days we have to push just that little bit harder to make the most of our day!

Today I am sending you all some Encouragement, Enthusiasm and the will to find a different Perspective!

I'm going to be practising these myself today!

Cheers all, from Mrs. D

[Guest_9809]

Well said Mrs D. Thankyou for those words of wisdom. I too will try to practice that today, commencing at my gym class this morning. (-:

Taurus

[Guest_1055]

Ah Good Morning Mrs D,

You sound much better today.

It is a beautiful morning here. And I can hear the birds chirping away outside the window. What are your plans for today? I am going to tell you in hope to be accountable or so I don't back out of this. Chores... that is what is needed here at my place. Such a good day to have clothes flapping away on the clothesline.

I read your words saying we are all important and special. And that we count. I know that other people are important and special. But I am not sure if I believe it fully like deep within that I am. Though at times I have felt it by the way I am treated by others. But I desire to know it within all the time and not be dependent on others to treat me a certain way or something.

And yes I have done that too heaps and heaps of times just sit there in my own private misery on a chair. It sort of feels like you are living inward. And like you say it feels lonely. For me it has felt like everyone is living around me and apart from me. And I am this little isolated island, not connected to another living soul.

I enjoyed reading your post Mrs D, and I am sending you some calmness. And I definitely felt encouraged by you. May you have a good day doing whatever it is you decide to do. Maybe you are doing some painting or being creative in some unique way???

Thanks for the hug as well. Here is one for you also.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello Mr Croix, I do hope you are getting along alright?? Maybe you are reading a book of some kind today. And all I can say is a heartfelt Thankyou to you. And I will think about what you said again. My brain is having trouble comprehending what you said. My mind goes like that at times. But I definitely received your kindness behind the words. I do hope you are okay?? Shellxxx

Hi Wilma, Thankyou for the words you said to me about being important. And now I wonder if you believe them about yourself as well? So Wilma you too are someone of high worth, very much so. Shell xx

Hi Taurus, Good on you for going to the gym today. You are definitely in my thoughts.Shellxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell,

Today has been a bit of an up and down kind of day. For some reason I have felt teary all day, it could well be because my husband is going away for a couple of weeks soon. I don't like the thought of him not being him if I need him.

I've tried to make the most of today. I went out and did a little gardening...until I almost grabbed a baby brown snake in the Agapanthus leaves I was cleaning up. My goodness. We must have a snake factory out in the garden or the snakes are moving around all over the place.

Today it was only about 12 degrees here so thought I wouldn't encounter any snakes!

House work then seemed to need to be done. I did have a rest and watched a DVD which was peaceful. I might do a little craft this evening while watching T.V. I am making a couple of penguins I saw in a craft book. They are a bit more fiddly than I had imagined.

I certainly understand the feeling disconnected even though you are in a room filled with people. A psychologist recommend I concentrated on finding something like "5 green objects, 5 round things, 5 of something else. Somehow that is supposed to help you feel more grounded and connected.

Now the house work is mostly done, tomorrow will be an opportunity to do something different.

Wishing you all a good day tomorrow.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools