Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Guest_128]

Hi Snell,

I am sorry you are in a bad place, I also don't know your story very well.

I hope you can find the strength to change what you need to.

Dory

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou for seeing me here Dory...

I do not have any strength, have had enough.

[monkey_magic]

Hey shell,

I am listening, punch away. U are lovely, warm, worthy, generous,special,caring and worth fighting for. I understand what u mean about someone not seeing you. Some others don't see me too, but that doesn't mean you are dirt. You are truelly somebody, a unique human being, unfortunately not everybody values or sees that. I'm not trying to make things worse, I think you are hurting. I know how that feels. Please be kind to yourself.

You are understandably angry, I would be, well I am too. Sometimes I think my mother doesn't see me but please don't devalue yourself.

Hugs shell

[Guest_1055]

I am sorry you have known hurt, and you are right I am hurting. My mother, whom I do love and I know she did the best she could, well I don' t think she sees me either. I do not feel known by her, the person me. That does make me feel very sad. Like I am not worth knowing. It is the same with my hubby. It is even hard to say "my", because there is no sense of belonging at all. Two people who happen to share the same dwelling. I ache for even a single touch of kindness from him. Even a few minutes of undivided attention from him would give me hope. But I am not worth his time.

Thanks Steph for seeing me

[monkey_magic]

Hi shell,

Have all avenues been exhausted with hubby for example have u openly communicated how u both feel to each other or a third person, have u been away together or on a date night to re- ignite the lost spark?

It would understandably hurt, you are going through a set of grief.

[Guest_1055]

I have spoken a bit to my sister.

Hubby does not speak " feeling " language. Nor is he interested in working anything out. See... this is what I mean when I say I am not worth fighting for. Yes we have been on dates.

There never was any spark there to begin with.

Thankyou .... this may sound weird, but you just noticing me helps .

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

One of the sad things in life is that we tend to take other people's faults as our own shortcomings. If they are rude we come to think we only deserve rudeness, if they are uncaring we feel we don't count. You are feeling horrible and that's sad because you don't deserve any of it.

You are kind, sensitive and not alone. A good person worthy of friendship, something you both give and receive here. I know it is hard when the world seems to devalue you, but don't join in , realize your worth.

Typically you gave me some thanks the other day, and it really made me feel good. A small kindness with a big effect.

In your own quiet way you are a strong person you know. Every day you battle with difficulties and come though, you persevere, and that is strength.

We here see you Shell

Croix

[monkey_magic]

Hey shell,

Im glad you spoke to your sister. Hey, I'm not the only one that noticed you. I remember reading a girl or woman came up and spoke to you at the gym. I'm proud of you for being consistent with the gym. I used to be a personal trainer and even I don't go as much as you.

Im not sure what to say in regard to hubby except you could find a shiny new one. Lol.

[monkey_magic]

Well said Croix xox and so deserving Shell xox. Also, I see how u care and are concerned about others on the forums xox

[Guest_1055]

Thanks Croix. And Steph I don't want to get a new shiny one. I really don't. As for the person noticing me in the gym, a stranger. She only noticed the physical body. I really could not care less about it.